


Untameable

by HorrorJunkie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Beards, Because I love angst but can't do sad endings, Blow Job, Bondage, Bottom Harry, Collars, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Harry is a Little Shit, I hate tags, I may add more later, Jealous Harry, Louis has the patience of a saint, Louis is hard to read, M/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Touching, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Spanking, Top Louis, fake relationships, harry falls in love, larry stylinson endgame, safe words
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 81,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26574412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorrorJunkie/pseuds/HorrorJunkie
Summary: In a BDSM society where image is everything, to be branded as a "brat" or "untameable" is looked down on.Harry Styles, world famous singer and actor is an untameable sub. He's rude, aggressive, hostile, disrespectful and promiscuous. No dom in their right mind would touch him.Louis Tomlinson is a rarity in this world. He's an A rated dom with an impeccable reputation of taking the worse subs and rehabilitating their images.Harry is his next assignment. Harry hates it and tries to constantly push the envelope in the hopes that Louis will break but to his surprise, he soon finds himself enjoying Louis' firm hand and control. He soon longs for their fake relationship to be real but does Louis feel the same?What happens when the sub no one ever thought could be tamed begins to fall in love with the man helping him?
Relationships: Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson/Original Male Character
Comments: 728
Kudos: 1031
Collections: Best AUs





	1. The Society

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Flwrs_skn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flwrs_skn/gifts).



This is a world where image and reputation are everything. 

Everyone has a role to play in this world. At the age of 16, you are tested and assigned to be a tentative Dominant or a Submissive. Though your life does not change much at this time and the results are confidential between the subject and the government, most people end up sticking to their original designations when they are retested at the age of 18 and their real training begins. 

At the age of 16, everyone is required to begin to study the laws, lingo and expectations of both dominants and submissives. It is expected that regardless of your designation, you will be familiar with all aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. Students are kept in integrated classrooms to study and learn what it means to participate and live in a BDSM society. They learn what is expected of a Dom and a Sub. They learn the general rules of their society with the knowledge that once they are ranked and are allowed to have their own sub or dom, additional rules will be imposed depending on their kinks and further designations of top, bottom, switch, daddy, mommy, etc. Those designations are not given out until you have been trained and learned what is most comfortable for you.

At the age of 18, everyone is tested again to finalize their designation and the practical training begins. For Doms, they’re given further training on how to care for a sub, safety practices and training on kinks that particularly interest them. They’re also trained in how to set safe but fun and engaging scenes with their subs. Doms are taught to slowly begin a relationship with their sub before engaging in any sexual play. The building of trust is paramount in their society. Subs are also trained in how to be a good and obedient submissive, how to please their dom and most importantly, how to earn and give trust in such a relationship. There is no age that signals the end of training rather once the government adjudicator’s have deemed a sub or a dom ready to enter society as a qualified and rated member of society, their name is placed on the roster of rated doms and subs and they are now expected to work, go to university and most importantly, they can establish themselves in a relationship.

Every student wants to be given an A rating when they go before the adjudicator. An A rating makes them a higher quality dom or sub meaning they’re seen as more desirable. Though not always the case, any sub or dom that manages an A rating can get a job almost anywhere in any field and it makes them the type of sub or dom that everyone aspires to attain or be. The A rating opens doors and offers unheard of opportunities for anyone who is able to attain it. Everyone wants to be them and everyone wants to be with them. To get an A rating from an adjudicator is intensely difficult and one must be as close to perfection as humanly possible to achieve such a rating. Very, very few are able to attain this. 

Most subs and doms are rated as B. This is respectable and attainable and though everyone dreams of being an A, it’s accepted and even expected that most will be deemed a B. 

There is also a C ranking. This is reserved for punishments. Doms who are found to be abusive, who ignore safety protocols and break the laws ruling their society are stripped of their A or B standing and deemed to be a C. There is no pride in being a C and once you lose your standing in society, it’s difficult, if not impossible to move back up. If you’re punished and become a C, you are not allowed to be a dom nor are you allowed to have a legal bdsm relationship with a sub. You are essentially just a worker in the world that cannot participate and fully enjoy the benefits of the bdsm lifestyle in society nor can you advance in your field of work. You’re essentially blacklisted. 

Finally, there are the others. Subs that are the equivalent of a C ranking are termed as “brats” and/or “untameable.” These are subs that no dom wants because of their attitude, irresponsibility, lack of care for societal rules and because they show little to no respect to doms or other subs. Unlike C ranked doms who are blacklisted, bratty subs can still be redeemed if and only IF a highly qualified A ranked Dom is willing to take on the responsibility of taming such a sub. 

Here is where our story begins.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Meet Harry Styles. World famous singer and actor. He’s tall, gorgeous with long luscious curly locks, wicked green eyes and dimples guaranteed to make anyone swoon when he aims his killer smile at them. He’s also a brat with no ranking because of his outrageous behavior. He’s promiscuous, loud, aggressive and hostile towards the rules of society. His music is all about flouting his contempt for authority and for doms and subs in general. He’s always in the tabloids with endless gossip about his exploits with doms, other subs and the fights he gets into. Despite his attitude, fans love him and he continues to sell out stadiums. He’s filthy rich, single and despite the worries of his management team, he’s so sure he’s happy. His lack of ranking does not seem to affect him because fans still buy his merchandise, they flock to his concerts and they still are eager to stop and get their picture taken with their flamboyant idol. 

Meet Louis Tomlinson. A dom with an A ranking and a sterling reputation. He’s also known as a “fixer” in the political and entertainment industries. Though his official job title is “Corporate Consultant”, it’s just fancy lingo for someone that gets paid an extreme amount of money to rehabilitate the reputations of notoriously terrible and bratty subs. From the daughter of the Prime Minister to the son of the head of the BBC, Louis had taken these unranked and untameable subs and managed to train them, domesticate them and essentially rehabilitate them until they were ready to be tested and ranked by an adjudicator. He’d never failed before. All his previous subs were now in respectable dom/sub relationships and the scandals that had tainted them in their early years were things of the past. Louis himself has no sub of his own, content to have temporary subs to train until they’re ready to rejoin society. Perhaps one day the perfect sub will come along.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A loud slap was heard in the large conference room as Jeff Azoff hit the table with one of the many articles from various gossip rags strewn across it. All of them had stories about Harry and his exploits from the weekend. From a drunken fight with another sub at a bar in London to pap pics of him leaving his hotel with two different models, one a sub and one a dom and wearing the same clothes from the previous night. All of them clearly hungover and the shadows of love bites on their necks. The rest of his team were as desperate as he was. Harry had just finished his first world tour and while it had been an enormous success, the team had spent so much time putting out fires and smothering more scandalous stories about their prized star. They now had a nice long well earned break ahead of them before Harry started writing and recording his next studio album. 

The problem was that Harry was not cooperating. He was due to arrive in an hour so they could discuss rehabbing his image before his next album and tour and round of interviews. They had asked him to take this time off to take a break, stop the drinking and clubbing and stop the bar fights and being spotted with other doms and subs at various hotels and at all hours of the day. His reputation was in tatters but Harry just didn’t seem to care. Because of his talent and his money, he felt the rules of the society were beneath him. He had no desire to ever be tamed by anyone. As far as Harry was concerned, just because he was a sub didn’t mean he had to actually practice the lifestyle and to hell with what management wanted.

“This has gone on long enough. Harry won’t listen and I’m out of ideas. I called this emergency meeting because we need to get a handle on him.”

A knock on the door interrupted the meeting, heads turning as it opened and much to the surprise of everyone in the room, Harry walked in almost an hour early. He was disheveled, smelled of stale whiskey and his mostly unbuttoned shirt showed off a trail of fresh love bites letting everyone know exactly what he’d been engaging in recently.

“Harry! This is a surprise. We weren’t expecting you to arrive for another hour but please be seated. This meeting concerns you so it’s best you’re here for all of it.”

As Harry stumbles in and sits, he keeps his eyes down. Not because he’s in any form being submissive but because he feels dizzy and hungover. He has the feeling he may throw up if he looks up so he keeps his eyes and head down while he concentrates on breathing until the nausea passes.

Jeff merely shakes his head before anyone can say anything to Harry or reprimand him. All that would get them was a pissed off pop star who was likely to piss on the table and walk out. 

“So what’s this meeting about Jeff? I’m supposed to be on vacation with some lovely birds I left cooling their heels at the hotel. What’s the urgency? And if you tell me again about not going clubbing or drinking anymore, I’ll tell you to piss off and leave.”

“Harry, your reputation is suffering. This can’t go on indefinitely. I get it. You gave such a big shock and awe to the world with your actions and the things you said in interviews but it’s time to be serious now. You’re 24 years old and you’ve never had a dom before. People are starting to talk.”

“So? Let them fucking talk. Are we done here?”

Before Jeff can speak, another man who’s been quietly standing towards the back of the room signals to Jeff that he had something to say. 

“You’re a mess and a right piece of shite Harry. Everyone in this room knows it. You know it. I know it. The only difference is I’m the only one going to tell you to your face that you’re an arsehole with an ego the size of the bloody Titanic. Now sit up, find your balls and look at me.”

Harry does exactly as the man commanded mostly out of shock. No one but his mum had ever spoken to him that way and this man had the audacity to speak to him as if he were his sub? Before he can lash out now that the initial shock has worn off, Jeff makes the introductions.

“Harry Styles, meet Louis Tomlinson. Louis is an A ranked Dom we’ve hired to help us rehabilitate your image to the public.”

“What?!? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Louis keeps his eyes on Harry, answering him calmly making Harry look like a hysterical fool in front of everyone. A fact that Harry is very much aware of and one he doesn’t enjoy.

“Harry, look at yourself. Your lifestyle is a joke. You’re a laughing stock in the industry. Have you even taken a look at social media? Do you enjoy being known as the industry whore? As used goods? Do you enjoy having people talk about how you’re good for a fuck but they’d never actually take you seriously as a sub because of your shitty reputation? Do you like knowing that the “friends” you have are only around you because of your money and because you get them into the best clubs where they spend their time spending your money while they hook up? Ten years from now, your “friends” will be in established relationships and will disavow any relationship with you because you’re considered to be a bad influence for other subs. Think long and hard Harry. Have you actually ever met the subs of your team? Your friends? No. And do you know why? Because they don’t want their subs reputations to be tainted by someone like you. You have a year, one year to restore your image to the one you had when you were first starting out. That of a sweetheart sub with a brilliant smile and kindness towards all his fans. Not this shell of the man you’ve become.”

“Why one year?”

Harry’s voice is hoarse, either from too much smoking and drinking or from the effort he’s using to keep himself from crying.

“Because right now, no decent musician wants to play or tour with you. Venues are hesitant to let you book them anymore for your concerts. You didn’t just ruin your reputation as a sub. You’re also steadily killing your reputation as an artist, singer and musician. The only way to get people to take you seriously again is to work on your reputation and build it back up again. Only then will people stop seeing Harry the Whore and see Harry Styles, singer and entertainer.”

Louis sits back, keeping his eyes on a very pale Harry who is holding the arms of his chair tightly. Everyone in the room is reeling, shocked and uncomfortable at all the undeniable truths Louis had laid out for Harry. These were things that were considered to be an industry secret and yet Louis was forcing Harry to face these facts about himself and his reputation. Louis is unapologetic for his words. He had not achieved his A rating by being lenient when a firm hand was needed. 

“Now, are you willing to hear my idea for rehabbing your image?”

Harry gives a short nod, wanting nothing more for this stranger to say his piece and then shut up so he can leave. 

“What you need Harry, is a dom. Not just any dom. You will be placed in a relationship with a very respectable dom and be introduced as his sub. We will take it slow, allow the public to get glimpses of you and your dom together. In public, you will be the epitome of a good sub. Slowly but surely we will increase your exposure with the dom. If you listen to everything I tell you to do, your reputation will be restored within the year as promised. You will also learn to be discreet for whatever liaisons you engage in out of the public eye but in public, you’re loyal, faithful and a damn good sub. I have a list of respectable doms within the industry that you can choose from. If you like, you can meet them first and see who you click with and can tolerate their company for a year. We can go over the other details such as the sexual aspects of the relationship and expectations once you’ve chosen your dom. Remember this is all for show only. We will leak little stories to press to sate the public’s appetite for stories about you and your dom.”

There’s silence in the room as everyone on Harry’s team looks to Harry to make his decision.

“You don’t have to decide right now but don’t delay your decision. The sooner we start, the sooner we can start leaking the rumors of your new romance and how you met your soon to be dom.”

Harry’s mind is in a whirl. How the hell had his life come to this? He’s feeling the familiar pull of an anxiety attack and he stares daggers at Louis before he relaxes. Two could play at this game.

“I’ll do it.”

Everyone in the room relaxes, smiles across their faces as they begin to talk about how to plan the meeting of the doms and how to slowly but subtly make changes to Harry’s public persona before Harry interrupts them. Everyone is relaxed but Louis who keeps his eyes on Harry. He doesn’t trust this abrupt change to his demeanor and knows Harry has something in mind.

“I’ll do it under one condition.”

Louis stares at Harry, giving him a nod as if to say to give his condition. Everyone else is on edge waiting for Harry to give his demand.

“I already know who my dom will be.”

Louis and Harry have a short stare off before Louis concedes, his curiosity getting the better of him. Whomever the dom is, he needs to be of the highest caliber.

“Whom do you have in mind to be your dom?”

“You.”


	2. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry begins to get to know his new dom but it's a clash of wills between them and Harry isn't taking this very well. His plan? Wreak havoc with Louis' plans and continue to have the time of his life. He doesn't know that Louis is always one step ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the wonderful comments on the intro chapter! I read them and will respond. I got busy writing this chapter out.
> 
> Also, this is somewhat of a filler chapter to set up the next one where we will learn the rules, consequences and really establish their relationship. Thanks again for reading!

Louis gave Harry a deadpan stare as they stared at each other on opposite ends of the conference room table. After Harry had dropped his little bombshell, Louis, as unflappable as ever, merely asked everyone to leave him and Harry alone so they could speak.

“Be sure this is what you want Harry. Your name, your celebrity and your money mean next to nothing to me. You won’t be THE Harry Styles if you agree to be my sub. For the duration of this year-long contract, you will be Sub to Louis Tomlinson.”

A cocky smirk on his face, Harry leans back in his chair and looks at the rings on his fingers.

“Are you sure about that? I think most people will ask who the dom is with me and not the other way around.”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

Louis stands and calls the rest of the team back. All of them file in, curious and confused expressions on their faces. Louis is quick to put their curiosity to rest.

“Harry will be my sub for the year. Jeff, let’s get legal in here. The sooner we deal with the contracts, the better. With a sub like Harry, there is no time to waste.”

Harry frowns knowing Louis is trying to get under his skin. Petty ass but Harry would show him. Harry was already making plans on how best to disrupt the life of his soon to be dom. He sits quietly and scrolls his social media, liking fan comments and even making petty remarks towards other artists and models as the lawyers hash out the technicalities on the agreement. They try to get him to be involved but he waves them off each time. He blindly trusts that Jeff and the lawyers would do what’s in their best interest to keep him happy.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take too long to finalize the contracts. The only small delays were in making some changes Louis had requested since the contracts had been drawn up ahead of time. Satisfied, Louis signs his name on all the required forms and Harry does the same. It’s only when he’s finished signing and the legal team leaves that he notices the looks of amusement on the faces of his team.

“What?”

Everyone just shrugs and looks at Louis with utmost respect as he stands and shakes the hands of everyone in the room. Harry grabs his sunglasses in preparation to leave and get to his plans with the ladies he’d left in the hotel when Louis’ voice stops him.

“Did I give you permission to leave?”

Harry stares at him confused.

“What?”

Louis sighs and steps a little closer to Harry.

The minute you put down the pen, you are my sub. You will do as I say, when I say it. I did not give you permission to leave this room.”

Harry’s mouth drops open, confused and only now is he starting to feel a small inkling of doubt and panic.

“Ummm...we aren’t supposed to start yet. And we said in public.”

“No, we didn’t. You should have paid better attention to the conversation and the contracts love. You agreed to be my sub effective immediately. You speak when I give you permission. You move when I give you permission. For all intents and purposes, you are mine now. As your dom, I have not given you permission to leave. At least not until you go and apologize to every person in this room for making them waste precious time of their day dealing with you. When you’ve apologized to them all, we may leave.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Louis sighs and puts down his coat as he moves as close to Harry as possible, his lips ghosting Harry’s ear.

“We have not set down rules for punishment yet love but let me be clear. You will comply with what I have asked of you or you will not enjoy being spanked by me in front of your entire team. Before you get angry and do something stupid, think about what the better outcome for you is. Apologize now and leave with me on your own two feet or get a spanking for every person you’ve disrespected here and for your defiance. Now what will it be?”

Harry is sorely tempted to say fuck you to everyone and walk out but he’s also self aware enough to know the repercussions of his disobedience to not only Louis but to his entire team would be disastrous. As much as he flouted authority, he knew his PR manager, his agent, his head bodyguard, his stylist and even the members of his band (who thankfully were not present) all wanted what was best for him. They’d stuck with him through the years and had helped him when he was at his lowest points in life. Shoulders drooping and giving out a huge sigh, Harry goes up to each person of his team and mumbles a soft apology for his behavior. As he does so, each member is shocked because Harry wasn’t one to apologize. His apologies came in the form of lavish gifts but never an actual oral apology. To say they had high hopes now was an understatement. In less than a few hours, Louis had managed to make Harry do something he surely only ever did for his mother. Apologize.

“Very good love. Now let’s go home. You and I have a long night ahead of us.”

“What do you mean by rules? What? And home? What home?”

Louis gives Harry a look as they walk to the elevator. He merely shakes his head at Harry’s questions which normally would have irritated Harry but he realizes other people are around, some watching them with blatant curiosity. He wisely keeps his mouth closed, not anxious to feed the gossip hounds just yet. He needed time to think and to figure out what his next steps would be. He could play Louis’ game for now. He could pretend that this setup was working. At least until he figured out Louis and this whole dom bullshit. Maybe he’d have fun making Louis try to tame him while frustrating him. Louis. When the elevator doors open, some people are already in it. Louis places his hand on Harry’s back and slightly nudges him to enter the elevator. Harry silently obeys, his cheeks going red as he realizes people inside the elevator and others walking nearby have either stopped to observe his sudden subservience to Louis or they’ve started walking slowly. He remains silent the entire time they go down the elevator and doesn’t speak until they reach Louis’ car. Sliding into the passenger seat, he’s barely restraining himself from yelling and demanding to know what the fuck was going on. When Louis slides into the driver's seat, he starts the car and looks at Harry.

“When I said we were going home, I meant it. We are going to my home. As my sub, you will live with me where I can monitor your behavior, your comings and goings with my permission, of course.”

As he pulls out of the parking garage and out onto the street, he flicks another glance at a clearly pissed off Harry.

“We will discuss the rules and expectations since you obviously didn’t learn them during your training. We will also go over my specific rules and my expectations when we reach home. First and foremost, let’s get some of the basics out of the way. You may call me Louis when we are home and when we are in a private setting. In a public setting, you will refer to me as Sir. You may of course choose to call me Master but I feel starting out with Sir is more to your comfort level. I am not a hurtful or cruel man Harry though you may not agree with that assessment right now. I would not retain my A rating if I were. I am precise, demanding and level-headed. Your compliance will earn you trust and rewards. Your misbehaviors will have you lose privileges and you will receive punishments. We can discuss those later. Do you have any questions?”

Harry shakes his head, still too angry and stunned at how he had managed to fuck himself over. He’s mentally cursing Jeff and his team for not sticking up for him during the contract talks though that small niggling part of him reminded him that he chose to fuck around on social media instead of listening to the conversation. It seems Louis’ thoughts had sent him on the same path because he randomly pipes in exactly what Harry was thinking.

“The contract talks were rather crucial and detailed every aspect of your life for the next year Harry. Perhaps it would have been beneficial for you to have actually paid attention instead of ignoring us like a petulant child. If you’re angry about this, be angry at the right person. Be angry at yourself. If you like, I will go over the extent of the contract with you this weekend so you can see exactly what you signed up for. I assure you, nothing there will hurt you in any way. All of it was designed to protect and help you. If nothing else, trust me when I say we are all in this together and doing what’s best for you.”

“Actually, I do have a question. Can we stop by my house and pick up some of my stuff?”

“There’s no need. I took the liberty of contacting your personal assistant during the contract talks. Her and your stylist are at your home as we speak packing what they will deem important and essential. We will also go shopping soon. As my sub, you are expected to project a certain image. I know you’re fond of dressing rather flamboyantly and I would never ask you to change that but for some occasions, there will be times when a more subdued look is appropriate. Is that understood?”

Harry nods, not seeing a hole in that logic. Yes he chose to dress rather outlandishly and in ways designed to catch attention but he also knew when it was time to wear a good suit and present a proper image such as when he met the Queen. 

“Use your words Harry. When speaking to me, extend to me the same courtesy I give to you.”

“I understand. Sir.”

The last is said rather grudgingly making Louis laugh. Harry looks over at him, really taking in his features for the first time. 

“I guess I could have done worse. You’re not bad looking for a dom.”

Louis merely spares him a glance.

“Looks have nothing to do with what makes someone a good or bad dom and sub. It’s how you behave, how you act and how you present yourself to the situation. It’s you knowing when to show respect and the little things you do to earn it. Being ostentatious and being generous are fine but they don’t win you points in the long run and do nothing to detract from your rating. Remember that Harry. It’s the little things. A simple acknowledgement, please, thank you and other niceties you don’t even remember to do half the time. It’s an apology with meaning when you’ve done wrong. What do you remember about your test with the adjudicator the first time you were tested?”

Thrown off by the sudden question, Harry stares blankly out the window as he tries to remember that day but it’s as if it’s all a blurry haze of harsh words and yelling.

“Not much. I remember there were a lot of questions, scenarios and yelling. Someone was angry and there were a lot of tears. That’s all I really recall about that miserable experience.”

Louis frowns at Harry’s description. His description is nothing like what the test is supposed to be. That would be something to look into discreetly at a later time. For now, he buried it into the back of his mind and focused on the present.

“Alright. We will discuss that later, much later. We have a year before you are to be presented and tested again. Hopefully as we get closer to that time we can figure out what went wrong the first time and move towards reinstating you as a good dom with a solid B rating.”

Now Harry grins, the cockiness back in his look.

“Why stop at B? You’re the Dom to end all doms aren’t you? Let’s aim high and make me an A rated sub.”

“I’m a professional but I don’t perform miracles Harry.”

Rather than be insulted by the slight, Harry finds it amusing and laughs. He knows already he won’t get anywhere near an adjudicator to be tested again but he could let Louis have his little fun for a short while before he makes him start working hard. If Louis wanted Harry to be submissive in all aspects of his life, he had another thing coming. Cheered by the thought of wreaking havoc in Louis’ life, Harry decides to start playing his little game.

“May I turn on the radio sir?”

Louis doesn’t trust Harry as far as he can throw him and this sudden change in attitude makes him wary but a little music couldn’t hurt and Harry had followed his rule and addressed him respectfully.

“Yes you may Harry and thank you for asking.”

The drive to his home takes almost an hour due to traffic but when they arrive, Harry isn’t surprised to see where Louis lived.

“Belgravia huh? It fits.”

“It’s important to my work to be central to the city and this suits my needs. Come. We have much to discuss.”

It doesn’t take long for them to park and enter Louis’ home. A surprisingly young woman rushes to greet them, her face showing no surprise at the appearance of Harry. 

“Harry, this is my housekeeper Mary Wilten. She has prepared your room for you. Would you like to rest first or shall we eat and get down to business?”

As eager as he was to escape awhile and think, he also knows he needs to know what he’s up against first.

“I’m pretty hungry. Let’s eat and talk. I can’t really rest anyway since my stuff isn’t here yet.”

Louis nods and walks head with a mere nod for Harry to follow him to the dining room. As Mary brings in their food, Louis thanks her and Harry remembers quickly to thank her as well. He wasn’t a rude person in general but he had to admit his manners could be shit sometimes. He was so used to people bending over backwards for him that he’d sort of forgotten how to be gracious.

“Give me your phone.”

Again, Harry is stunned. 

"Why?"

“I won’t ask again. Give me your phone. You’ll get it back but when we eat, phones are off limits at the table. I extend this courtesy to you so that we can have meaningful conversation without the distractions of technology. I expect the same courtesy from you.”

Nodding, Harry pulls it out of his pocket and gives it to Louis. As much as he didn’t like it, he had to admit it made sense. His own mum had disliked it when he would play on his phone or get distracted by texts when he would visit with her. He could live without it for an hour. He watches as Louis gives the phone to Mary who takes them with her out of the dining room.

“Now, we do have a lot of rules and expectations to go over but I do not want to overwhelm you on your first day here. For now, it is enough that you know and remember to address me correctly in public. You will always walk a half step behind me unless I am holding your hand or have my hand on your back in which you walk beside me. This is not done out of spite or to humiliate you Harry. That’s what I believe your biggest fear is in this society. I’ve heard your music and listened to your lyrics. You have this skewed vision of what a relationship in this society should be. It is my job as your dom to teach you yes but also to protect you, lead and guide you. This dynamic between us only works if you are willing to work with me. I may be your dom but I am not your master in the sense that I own you. You’re not a slave. You’re a human being with free will. Every rule you will be given will be approved by you. We may have to make many compromises but I will not ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable in any way. We will go over all this and more tomorrow. For now, it’s enough that you know the basics. Tomorrow, we will begin with the training you seem to have missed when you were first identified as a sub.”

The rest of their meal is filled with idle talk of movies, their hobbies and the general conversation of two strangers trying to get to know each other. It’s when they’re finishing up that they hear the distinct sound of someone ringing the doorbell. Knowing Mary will answer, Louis lounges, aware that Harry is eager to go see who it is but he remains in his seat, not eager to disobey just yet. 

“Sir? His things have arrived.”

Louis nods and thanks Mary, also remembering to take both their phones from her and he gestures for Harry to follow him.

“I’ll give you a proper tour tomorrow. For now, I’ll show you to your room.”

They collect Harry’s things and Louis walks up the stairs to the second floor and shows Harry his room, a large and comfortable open room with large windows overlooking the street.

“Your room has its own en suite. My room is directly opposite yours. Rest. You have the rest of the evening to get yourself comfortable. I’ll be in my office on the first floor. If you need anything, Mary can assist you or you can come look for me. Good night Harry.”

Louis leaves him and closes the double doors to his bedroom and goes downstairs. Harry looks out the window of his new room, thoughtful. He was on the second floor. Undoubtedly his mind was going in the direction of a very stupid idea but he couldn’t shake it. His shoulders shaking with silent laughter, he shoots a quick text to his usual group of people including instructions to pick him up at 11 that night. Showering, he makes a show of going downstairs in pajamas to ask Mary for a cup of tea to help him sleep with the excuse that he has a hard time sleeping in strange beds when he travels. He bids Louis good night and takes his tea upstairs to his room, and pretends to lay down to sleep. It’s shortly after 10 when he hears footsteps and the soft sound of his door opening. It clicks softly as its closed. He waits an additional 10 minutes before gently getting out of bed and quickly changes into the clothes he had already laid out. In less than 10 minutes, he was in his black skinnies and a sheer dark shirt mostly unbuttoned to show off his tattoos, chest and toned abs. He quietly opens the window he had tested earlier and carefully climbs out. He kept reminding himself that he was tall and it was dark enough that no one would really notice him. He just had to be fast. He slowly lowers himself until his fingers are on the ledge. With a quick intake of breath, he lets go and falls. He hits the ground with a muffled “Oomph” before he has to hold his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. He’s distracted when a car pulls up as he had requested. He rushes to the car and practically dives in. As it pulls away, he starts to whoop and holler in excitement at pulling one over his new dom. His friends cheer and they all laugh as they make their way to Studio 338 for drinking and dancing and getting papped. Harry Styles was not so easily subdued.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Louis is in his room, lost in thought as he stood in the small balcony overlooking the gardens. A soft knock on his door breaks his reverie.

“Come in.”

Mary comes in, an iPad in her hand.

“Is he gone then?”

“Yes sir. As you said he would. I placed the tracker app on his phone.”

“I’ll give him an hour then I’ll go retrieve him. Text me his location.”

“Of course sir.”

Louis shakes his head at Harry’s naivety. Louis had done this with wild subs before. Harry wasn’t the first who thought they could sneak out and run wild. He dresses carefully for the mission of retrieving his wayward sub. He chooses an all black suit with a mandarin collar. As the hour is up, he looks at his phone and confirms the location Mary had sent him. Leaving, he begins to think of ways to punish his sub.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Harry is having the time of his life. He’s had a few drinks and has been dancing with women and men, all of them eager to dance with Harry Styles. The music is hot and he’s certain he never wants the party to end when he feels someone behind him, an arm going around his waist. He moves back and grinds against the person, leaning back and offering them a tantalizing view of his neck. He turns around to see who the person is and freezes.

Green eyes meet blue and he knows he’s fucked.


	3. Discreet Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry begins to learn exactly what was in the contracts he signed and he starts to regret his own brash decisions. His punishment is driving him crazy because he's not used to being treated this way.
> 
> Louis is getting concerned because things Harry says to him regarding a BDSM relationship make no sense and worry him. Despite this, he can still be slightly petty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, this chapter is slightly darker with bits of humor thrown in there.

The drive back to Louis home is silent. Harry has so much he’d like to say but wisely keeps his mouth shut. He’s starting to get the feeling that Louis won’t be as tolerant of his behaviors as everyone else has always been. Louis won’t coddle, beg or bribe him like everyone else has. Louis is an unknown and Harry is nervous. The unknown is scary for him. Though he’s loathe to admit it, the one thing he detests about this society is giving up his control to someone else. The idea of going back to the academy to be tested by professional doms and subs and then rated by an adjudicator makes him uneasy though that’s not something he’d ever tell Louis. Louis would probably go on and on about trusting the system and whatever other bullshit platitudes they give to subs to brainwash them into thinking this is what’s best for them. He takes another glance at Louis who stares ahead, his features cold and remote. Louis gives nothing away about his intentions. The closer they get to arriving, the more restless and fidgety Harry becomes. The punishments given to subs vary from timeouts to humiliation to physical punishments. He doesn’t know what Louis will engage in since this wasn’t something they had discussed yet. As they arrive, Louis exits the car and goes to the door, not bothering to open the door for Harry which surprises him. It was an unspoken rule that doms care for their subs in all aspects of life including little niceties such as opening doors for them, pulling out chairs and other day to day activities. It was a reinforcement of the relationship that the sub was valued, cared for and safe. By ignoring him and allowing him to open his own door, Louis was punishing Harry. The same thing happens when they enter the house. Louis does not speak to Harry as he goes upstairs with Harry quickly following. The longer he’s ignored, the more nervous he becomes. It’s only when they reach the landing that Louis stops. He moves to Harry’s bedroom door and opens it, gesturing for Harry to enter. Harry does as he’s told, confused.

“Good night Harry.”

Louis closes the door and goes to his own bedroom, stripping off his clothes and getting ready for bed. 

In his own room, Harry is still staring confused at the now closed door. He quickly goes to test the doorknob and finds it unlocked. Ok, that was strange. He wasn’t being locked inside his room. Scratching the back of his head, he goes to the bedside lamp to get some light in the room as he ponders what on earth Louis is doing. When the light illuminates his room, Harry gasps in shock. 

Gone are the fancy and elegant trappings of the room. All that remains is his bed with basic sheets and a comforter and a small table and chair. The television and the books in the room are gone. Rushing to his closet, he finds all his clothing are gone. The only thing left in his closet are a folded set of cotton pajamas, a pair of slippers and a robe. Moving to the bathroom, the same thing has happened. There are two towels, soap, shampoo, a razor for shaving, lotion and a hair brush. All his luxury and high end toiletries are gone. He can’t seem to think straight as he keeps looking and hoping his items will magically reappear but they don’t. He regrets drinking at the club as his mind is too muddled and tired to properly come up with a solution to his current dilemma. Giving up trying to figure things out, he goes to shower and change into the cotton pajamas left for him. Climbing into bed, he’s too tired to even complain to himself that the sheets are definitely a downgrade from the ones that had been on the bed before. He’s asleep within minutes and unaware when someone enters his room for a few minutes before leaving.

The shrill sound of an alarm wakes Harry up. His head is pounding as he groans and tries to muffle the sound of the alarm by placing his pillow over his face. It doesn’t work. He reaches over blindly for his phone on the nightstand to shut off the alarm when he remembers he never sets an alarm. Removing the pillow from his head, he looks over and notices two things. First, his phone is gone. Second, there’s no visible alarm anywhere in the room. Moving quickly, he looks around trying to find the source of the obnoxious sound when he notices the small panel by the door. Moving closer, he realizes it’s an intercom system that must be wired throughout the house. A red light is blinking as that damn sound keeps filling the room. He pushes the button and finds it shuts off the alarm but in its place is a sound he had not hoped to hear just yet. Louis.

“Good morning Harry. Breakfast will be served in precisely thirty minutes. Appropriate clothing has been placed in your closet. Please be ready and in the dining room by the appointed time. Punctuality is important and you and I have much to discuss.”

The intercom goes silent as Harry stares at it in shock. Thirty minutes? What the hell? What had he signed up for? A large part of Harry wants to ignore Louis and wallow in bed but his curiosity as well as his dread for his inevitable punishment won’t let him rest. He moves quickly to shower, cursing Louis under his breath. Though the soap left behind smells pleasantly of vanilla, he’d rather have his own freesia scented shower gel. He grimaces at the outfit choice of plain black joggers and a white t-shirt, socks and tennis shoes. If this was Louis' punishment for him, he had to admit it was very effective. He liked to call attention to himself and this outfit was ridiculously bland and dull. It was not his style at all, not even for lounging at home. He dresses and goes to grab his phone when he realizes he can’t see it. In fact, he doesn’t remember having it all since the previous night. Aggravated with himself, he’s sure he’s lost it and will have to talk to Louis about replacing his phone. He goes downstairs and finds Louis is already seated and speaking to Mary. Neither acknowledge Harry as he stands awkwardly, unsure if he should sit or where to even sit. Next to Louis, across from him, on the floor? He’s seen some subs have to kneel on the floor by their dom’s side at restaurants several times. It’s not an uncommon practice though he loathes it. The matter is finally settled when they stop speaking and Mary gestures for him to take a seat. Harry pauses, certain this is a test of some sort. Mary looks at him expectantly while Louis remains calm and keeps his eyes on some point in the room, still not acknowledging Harry. He finally sits to Louis’ right and hopes he got it right. Mary quietly leaves the room leaving them in silence. There are still no words spoken and the tension is killing Harry. He’s not used to silence or to being ignored. Mary returns with two plates for them. He half expects to be given broth and bread and water as punishment but is pleasantly surprised by the waffles with fruit topping. Mary pours Louis coffee and asks Harry if he’d like coffee, tea or something else. There’s already juice and water on the table so he politely declines. Louis is drinking his coffee but Harry waits with his hands on his lap. He thinks he remembers reading or learning that a dom eats first and a sub eats once their dom gives them permission. Behaving this way is both chafing and goes against his own boisterous personality. Louis finally begins to eat so Harry follows suit. The tension is killing Harry and he finally snaps.

“I fucked up ok? I get it. I’m sorry! You can’t just expect me to change who I am overnight.This is supposed to be a bullshit PR relationship anyway so who do you think you are? You’re not my dom! You’re just someone making a shitload of money by pretending to tame me! You didn’t set rules for me anyway so it’s not like I was breaking any rules. And what did you do to my room? Why is all my stuff gone? And my phone is missing too! I think I lost it at the club last night. I need to go get a new one and transfer all my info before someone hacks it.”

His chest is heaving by the time he’s done with his rant but he feels good. He’s rather proud of articulating his grievances. His irritation mounts as Louis just glances at him and resumes drinking his coffee as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? Are you deaf? What kind of dom are you? Aren’t you supposed to be bringing out your whips and floggers and punishing me out in the street so everyone can see my bare ass on display as you humiliate me?”

Those words finally make Louis look at him, a grave expression on his face. 

“Is that what you think a dom/sub relationship is?"

“Well, yeah. It’s all about power isn’t it? The dom holds all the power and the sub is expected to give it up and let someone else do their thinking and decisions for them.”

Louis gives out a big sigh as he places his napkin on his plate to signal he’s finished. Harry does the same and watches nervously as Louis sits back, his fingers steepled, seemingly lost in thought.

“I think it’s time we examined the contracts you signed yesterday, discuss what an actual relationship entails and what my expectations of you are.”

Rising, Louis moves to his office as Hary follows him, more confused than ever. None of this was making any sense to him. When they reach his office, Louis goes to his desk and takes a few files and a book out of a drawer before he gestures to Harry to join him at a small table with two chairs. 

“Let’s go over the contracts first Harry. You didn’t pay attention whatsoever to the contract talk yesterday. Because of your own hubris, you are now paying the price. Let’s start from the beginning. I’ve highlighted the areas that are most important that pertain to you specifically. First, yes this is a PR relationship to help rehabilitate your image but it’s not a fake relationship in the sense that once we are behind closed doors you can return to your bratty and undesirable behaviors. For all intents and purposes, for the next year, you are my sub and I am your dom in public and in private.”

He sees the shock on Harry’s face and raises his hand to forestall an argument he sees is coming his way.

“There are addendums so do not be alarmed. As your dom, it will be my duty to teach you how to conduct yourself as an effective sub, a well rated sub and in turn, you will take what I teach you and learn how to be a better person. Once the year is up, it is my belief that your image will be greatly improved, people will see you as someone worthy of knowing as a human and not just because they’re attracted to your wealth and fame. Lastly, if you choose to continue with your behaviors and liaisons, you will at the very least learn to be more discreet so that your image is not negatively impacted.”

“What about...the other…”

Louis raises an eyebrow, waiting for Harry to continue but Harry instead blushes and fidgets with his fingers on the table top.

“Are you referring to the sexual component of a bdsm relationship?”

Harry nods, still not looking at Louis in the eye.

“If you look at the contract, I specifically put that in the event our relationship heads in that direction, any and all sexual components of our relationship for the next year are to be done only if they’re consensual between both parties. They are also to remain private between the dom and the sub. We both signed a NDA about it. It’s for your protection as well as mine. You do not need to worry that I will take advantage of you or that I’d use my position as your dom to coerce you into sex.”

Louis cocks his head to the side, confused about Harry’s reaction to this conversation. Harry was no virgin and he certainly was not shy about his sexual conquests so why this subject was turning him into a mess of blushing incoherency was confusing.

“Are you alright love? You look scared.”

Harry looks up, almost insulted by the comment.

“I’m not scared. I was just worried for a bit but I’m alright now. Go on.”

“In public, you will refer to me as Sir at all times. We established that last night. There will be events where we are expected to attend as a couple. You will behave yourself accordingly at these events. If at any point in time you embarrass me or yourself, there will be consequences. This moves us on to the next part of the contract. You signed it yourself that all punishments will be doled out at my discretion when I see fit. As you may have noticed, your punishment for your indiscretion last night already began. You lost privileges within this house and that includes your laptop, your phone and your extras. A good sub earns his privileges back. It shouldn't be too difficult if you put your mind to it.”

Harry’s jaw dropped at his own stupidity. He’d actually signed this. He essentially signed away his life to this man that now held the power to punish him however he wanted. Closing his eyes, Harry feels dread run through his body, his hands going cold at the thought of what this means. Somewhere in the back of his mind he dimly hears Louis calling his name but he doesn’t open his eyes. It’s safer and more comfortable to stay where it’s dark.

When he finally opens his eyes, he’s on his bed with a concerned Louis sitting next to him and Mary adjusting something on his arm. Looking over, he sees a blood pressure cuff. He feels dizzy and sick and begins to take in shallow breaths as he panics over what is happening and how he got here.

“Harry! Harry love. Look at me.”

Harry has tears in his eyes and doesn’t register what’s happening as he feels the onset of another panic attack before he starts to go calm. The light scent of lavender permeates the room as he focuses on a heartbeat. Not his. He vaguely realizes Louis must be holding him. He feels hands gently massaging his forearms as he takes in deep calming breaths that match Louis’. It’s a while before Louis lets go and looks at Harry’s face. He’s tired but awake.

“Look at me Harry. Let me assure you I would never hurt you. You panicked when we were discussing punishments. Any punishments between a dom and a sub are always discussed beforehand. I would never punish you in a way that makes you uncomfortable. We can further discuss those later or tomorrow when you’re feeling a bit better. Is that alright with you?”

Nodding, Harry feels relief. So far, Louis seems to be ok and at least willing to work with him instead of bossing him around.

“Good. Now can you get up for me? We have an appointment with Dr. Radcliffe.”

“With who? Why?”

“You just had a panic attack love. I want him to give you a complete check up to make sure you’re healthy and perhaps he can give us some other tips or medications if you prefer to help you. Do you normally suffer from panic attacks?”

Harry shakes his head no but then stops. A distant memory is somewhere in the recesses of his mind, fuzzy and of no use. Louis notices but chooses not to comment on this lapse. He gets off the bed and helps Harry up. 

It doesn’t take them long to go to see the Dr who has a long talk with Louis and Harry about his panic attack and his asthma which was news to Louis but not something that was uncontrollable. Harry thinks they’re done when the doctor stops him.

“A complete physical exam needs to be done Harry. I’ll make it as quick and painless as possible. Louis, would you like to stay for the exam?”

“For most of it yes if Harry is comfortable with it.”

Harry goes red and mumbles something before the doctor clears his throat causing Harry to look up and repeat himself.

“I guess. It’s weird but I guess.”

The majority of the exam is routine and even boring. A nurse comes in to draw blood and take samples. Harry is mortified when she makes him remove his boxers for more invasive tests.

“What? Are you serious?”

Louis merely gives him a blinding smile.

“Can you give us a minute?”

The nurse and doctor leave as Louis also readies himself to leave.

“Harry, the day I met you, you’d just left a hotel room after a night of sex and debauchery with other questionable people. I need to make sure you’re clean.”

Harry’s face of insult and shock is almost comical and Louis would laugh if not for the fact that he was sure it would cause Harry to act out. Opening the door, he leaves mentioning he has an important phone call to make. He hears a very loud groan of discomfort shortly after the door closes and this time he doesn’t hold in his chuckle. He sobers quickly when he dials a number to someone he trusts implicitly. Something was not sitting well with him and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. Looking around to make sure he has privacy, he waits for his friend to pick up.

“Niall? It’s me. I need a big favor. Can you look into who the instructors and adjudicator at the academy were the year Harry Styles was set to be rated?”


	4. The Contract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis gives the first part of the contract to Harry who is more than a little surprised by what he reads. Though he still has doubts (lots of them), he's also learning quickly that good behavior gets rewarded. How long can he keep up this act before his own true nature comes out to get him in trouble?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little background here. I researched extensively to come up with a contract that would satisfy the story for both Louis and Harry. I took samples of several sub/dom contracts I found and put one together that I think conveys the type of dom Louis is and what he expects of his sub. Because of Harry's mysterious background when it comes to the sub/dom relationship, Louis would be hesitant to even discuss anything remotely sexual with him just yet so that was omitted until Harry feels more comfortable opening up about it. I just want to clarify that Harry isn't a virgin BUT there was some form of trauma that gives him such an unhealthy outlook on their society and we will eventually find out why he acts out. Hang on because while it's gonna be fun for a while, the angst will be arriving.
> 
> Also, I purposely left out some tags because to post them would give away a lot of the plot. Those tags will be added as will trigger warnings when those chapters are up.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I love all your comments and appreciate them.

Harry stared at the contract in his hands, his eyes racing as he read it for the third time. Louis had been kind to him, allowing him a few days to rest, relax and get used to his new life with him. He’d lost so many privileges so he’d spent much of his time studying and journaling. 

To his surprise, either Louis or Mary would sit with him during the day to discuss and teach him about being a sub and the roles both played in society. Mary herself was a widowed sub who was not ready to find a new dom nor did she particularly want one. She was content with her life and her job. Spending time and teaching Harry was certainly not the first time she’d done this but she would privately admit Harry was by far her favorite of Louis’ temporary subs. He was surprisingly naive. Despite the reputation in the media he has for being promiscuous, he would often ask many questions regarding dom/sub relationships. It was clear that he’d never had one and had so many misconceptions regarding what they were. 

Louis wasn’t surprised. Harry’s reactions to even the basics were somewhat surprising. Either he truly had never once paid attention to a single class or lesson on the basics of their society or he had forgotten. Sometimes Louis wondered if Harry repressed memories of his time in school and his final meeting, interview and exams before the adjudicator. He always made vague comments or looked downright confused when Louis would ask. Still, he had time and would be patient with Harry. Clearly there was a lot of trust that would need to be established between them before he could start probing more into Harry’s time at school. As an exercise in trust, he’d gifted Harry a journal for his thoughts, questions, concerns. Understanding that he was very new to all this, Louis had patiently explained to Harry what the purpose of the journal was for.

“One of the key components of a successful dom and sub relationship is communication and trust. We do not have that between us yet. You may not yet be comfortable talking to me about our relationship or anything to do with bdsm just yet. That’s what the journal is for. Anything you don’t understand, thoughts, questions no matter how insignificant it may seem, just write it. This journal is between us but I promise I will not read it unless you have asked me to. You may leave it in my office or give it to me anytime you want me to read what you have written. If there’s just a certain passage or page, mark it and again, I promise to only look at the area highlighted. I realize this will also require you to trust me not to invade your privacy but it’s a start for both of us. You continue your studies with Mary and myself and slowly but surely there will be a small level of trust established between us. One last thing, your behavior the past few days has been acceptable. You’re learning to address me as I have asked of you and Mary says you have been respectful of her as well. You may have your phone back. While you still have access to your social media, I have taken the liberty of adding myself to your friends and I am now on yours. I also expect that you will not post, like or retweet anything without talking it over with me first. If you can follow these directives, more trust will be given and with trust come privileges and rewards.”

“Thank you. Sir.”

Harry had smiled at Louis, thrilled to have his phone back. He wasn’t even annoyed that Louis had added him. All his social media was public anyway so it wasn’t like he had much to hide. As for asking permission to post, it really wasn’t any different than any other day. His PR team had constantly been cleaning up his social media because he would post risqué or inappropriate content and had often been tagged in photos and stories. None of that bothered him.

All alone again, he continued to read the contract. Louis had given him strict instructions to read it so they could compromise on any changes that needed to be made. 

**Societal Contract Between Louis William Tomlinson (Dominant) and Harry Edward Styles (Submissive)**

**THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS**

  1. **The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant (Louis W. Tomlinson) and the Submissive (Harry E. Styles).**
  2. **The purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to learn about our society, learn about the true nature of BDSM as well as to explore his limits safely, with the utmost priority being his safety, wellbeing and respecting his boundaries and limits.**
  3. **The Dominant and the Submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs is consensual and confidential. Additional limits may be agreed upon and added with an addendum in accordance to the wishes of both parties.**
  4. **Faithfulness to the agreement and possible subsequent changes to the original contract are to be discussed and agreed upon by both parties. Breach of contract can result in the termination of the contract with proper penalties in place in accordance to the agreement.**
  5. **The Dominant shall take responsibility for the safety, wellbeing, proper training, guidance and discipline of the Submissive. The Dominant shall decide the nature of the training and guidance but both parties must be in agreement in terms of the discipline being used in accordance to the limits of the Submissive. The time and place of discipline administration will be given at an appropriate time and place and at the comfort level of the Submissive.**
  6. **The Submissive will reside in the home of the Dominant. The Dominant may discipline the Submissive if and when needed to to discourage unacceptable conduct. Any and all travel arrangements, meals, attire and additional expenditures for the Submissive will be provided for by the Dominant for the duration of the contract. Unless prior arrangements and considerations have been made, breakfast and dinner will be a time of conversation and reflection between both parties. Allowances will be made for scheduled events as long as they are discussed beforehand or in case of emergencies.**
  7. **The Dominant will prioritize the Submissive’s health and safety at all times by maintaining a safe and stable environment. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow, coerce or demand the Submissive engage in any activities that either party deems to be unsafe or that pushes the Submissive into territory they are uncomfortable with. At no time will the Submissive be allowed to engage in activities that can endanger their health and life. The Dominant shall not loan his Submissive to another Dominant. At no time will the Submissive be unfaithful to his Dominant with another. Breach of this rule will result in immediate termination of the contract and relationship.**
  8. **In training and in the administration of discipline, the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent physical marks are made on the body of the Submissive. Medical attention must be given immediately if and when needed. It is the responsibility of the Submissive to notify the Dominant of illness so that appropriate medical attention can be given. It is important that the Submissive remain in good health. Healthy balanced meals will be provided and it is expected that the Submissive will get a minimum of 8 hours of sleep each night.**
  9. **The use of safewords are essential and key in a BDSM relationship. The Submissive may make use of a safeword when needed. “Green” will be used for permission to continue the scene or discipline. “Yellow” will be used to let the Dominant know that the Submissive is reaching their level of comfort and may require time to talk, rest or need encouragement. “Red” will be used to let the Dominant know the Submissive cannot prolong the scene or discipline. The Dominant is to cease immediately and provide adequate care to his Submissive.**
  10. **Aftercare will be provided immediately following a scene, discipline or emotional discussions that require physical touch and comfort. The Dominant will at no time ignore the needs of his Submissive.**



Harry blows out a breath reading the contract. He admits to being very surprised. Very little of the contract itself dealt with sex of any kind. In fact, most of it seems to be in his favor. All the rules give him more power than he ever thought a sub would be given. Pinching his lips with his fingers, he wonders if this contract is standard for all doms and subs or if Louis made this one custom for him. A good question to ask actually. Well, that and why there were no rules in place for sex. BDSM and their society was all about sex as far as he was concerned. Picking up his journal, he puts his thoughts down. It’s not that he can’t talk about these things but rather he’s still not comfortable enough with Louis to have any form of sex talk with him. The sound of chimes from the intercom alert him that Mary will be serving dinner within the hour. That’s something else he learned. His new wardrobe was already in his closet and tucked away neatly in the dresser. Often he would find new pieces tucked in among the limited items Louis had allowed him so far. When Mary had dropped off his clothing in the morning, she informed him that though they were pretty casual during breakfast and lunch, Louis preferred them to dress for dinner. His clothing was mostly jeans, sweats and tracksuits lately since Louis wasn’t taking him out anywhere yet but this time Mary had also placed pressed black slacks, a long sleeved silk shirt in a deep purple color, appropriate undergarments, socks and shoes in the closet. He had also noticed a new box on his dresser in which he’d found some of his jewelry. He was beginning to notice little things appearing randomly in his room. His rings and his toiletries for instance. So this behavior stuff seemed to be paying off. The clothes weren’t from his own wardrobe but he could not find fault with it. The materials and quality were excellent, a far cry from the Hanes and Levi’s he was forced to wear during the day now.

He briefly wondered if he was being a snob but quickly dismissed the thought. You can’t blame a guy for having acquired superior taste in just about everything. Living with Louis was quickly bringing him down a few pegs but he knew if he complained, he’d lose the few luxuries he’d managed to regain so he kept his mouth shut and bided his time. Getting up from the chair he was sitting in, he changes into the outfit Louis must have picked out for him, brushes his hair and takes the journal with him. Habit had him reaching for his phone before he remembered Louis’ rule about phones during meals so he left it in the charger and made his way down to dinner. He enters the drawing room where Louis is sitting, drinking an apéritif as he waits for Harry and dinner. Knowing his role, Harry clears his throat and waits for Louis to acknowledge him before sitting. Louis smiles at Harry, gesturing for him to sit down. Rising from his own seat, he goes to pour Harry a drink.

“Campari. It will wake up your appetite.”

“I didn’t think subs were allowed to drink.”

“That is dependent on the dom and the sub. Some subs are allowed to drink in public and private while other doms are stricter and do not allow their subs to drink at all.”

“And you sir?”

“While you’re under my supervision, you drink when I drink. A cocktail before dinner, wine with dinner. Sometimes a brandy if the mood strikes. When we go out, it is acceptable to nurse a drink, no more than two during an event. It does neither of us any favors to go out and embarrass ourselves by getting drunk.”

Harry nods, slightly annoyed his drinking would now be monitored as if he was a child or someone just barely legal who needed to have his drinks watered down. Before he can complain, Mary comes into the room to announce dinner. Harry rises and walks with Louis’ hand on the small of his back. He privately admits he kind of likes it when Louis escorts him this way. It was a very small but meaningful gesture between a dom and a sub. Though he doesn’t yet realize it, Louis is slowly incorporating little touches to get Harry accustomed to having Louis’ hands on him. It was normal for a dom/sub relationship to include a lot of intimacy but Louis was more than aware that rushing Harry into anything more than just a light touch would be detrimental. When they’re seated, Harry shyly places the journal next to Louis’ wineglass, slightly nervous that Louis would read it right there but to his relief, Louis takes the journal and gives it to Mary who places it on top of the sideboard for Louis to retrieve after dinner. 

As their first course is served, Louis steers the conversation into impersonal topics that help Harry relax. They exchange amusing stories of their childhood and siblings. To Louis’ surprise, Harry admits he enjoys being in the kitchen and cooking as well as baking.

“Then we are saved young Harry. I admit I would likely set the kitchen on fire if I were to set foot in it. Mary has the weekends off so I usually order in unless I have somewhere to be or a previous dinner engagement.”

That gives Harry the perfect opening to ask about actually socializing. He’s been here a few days but already he’s feeling cooped up. He’s not used to spending so much time at home with little to do.

“Are we going out anytime soon?”

Louis takes a small sip of his wine, weighing his words carefully before responding.

“You were invited to a listening party for a new artist on your label. That event is in three days. I have been going back and forth on your attendance but I have decided this would be a good test for you. It would also be the first public glimpse of us together. The event is a small one, around 150 people only. No cameras inside the venue but paparazzi outside, of course. This will give you your first glimpse of an appropriate dom/sub public relationship as well as give me a first hand account of your behavior. From this event, we can work up the finer details of the contract in regards to your discipline and all other aspects of our relationship. For now, can we agree that the discipline I’ve given you so far has worked?”

Harry blushes and looks down at his plate, annoyed at being reminded how he had lost all his privileges. It reminded him too much of his childhood when his mother would often take away his toys when he misbehaved.

“Yeah. It worked. What other punishments and discipline did you have in mind?”

“Well we know losing what you enjoy works. How do you feel about spankings?”

Harry’s eyes shot up, not quite panicked but not liking where the conversation was heading.

“You’re into beating?”

Louis’ jaw drops. 

“Beating? Is that what you think a spanking is Harry?”

“You’re still physically hitting me. Isn’t that the same thing?”

“No. Absolutely not. A beating is done with the intent to hurt and abuse. A beating is humiliation in its lowest form. I have never nor would I ever beat a sub. A spanking is to modify and correct inappropriate and unacceptable behaviors. A spanking is only administered after we’ve discussed the behavior and ways to rectify things. Do not confuse the two. We will go over the list of acceptable disciplines tonight if you like or we can wait until tomorrow. It’s your choice Harry. Just remember that being a sub is nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of your status as a sub. You hold more power than you realize. It is my job as your dom to teach you all this.”

Harry nods, his mind full of questions but he would need time to process them before he felt comfortable writing them down in his journal. 

“Can we discuss punishments tomorrow? I’m still thinking about the contract and all it entailed.”

“Of course Harry. I’ll tell you what. We will spend part of tomorrow going over the contract and discuss discipline. We also have to go shopping and get you appropriately attired for the event. 

He smiled at how Harry’s face lit up at the thought of going shopping.

“Yes Harry. We will leave the house tomorrow and find appropriate clothing for the listening party. We will be getting photographed together for the first time in an official setting. I’ll arrange for a few pics to leak after our outing tomorrow to spark the curiosity of your fans. I’ll have it so that the pics show your face and you with me as your dom but my identity will remain a mystery until the party. It keeps your name in the media and we put a positive spin on it. After tomorrow, your fans and the media will know you’ve finally settled down with a dom. There will be curiosity and naturally some skepticism but once we are seen together officially on Saturday, it will only help your image.”

“You think pretty highly of yourself don’t you?”

Harry didn’t think he wasn’t being disrespectful with his question. He was genuinely curious. It was usually his name in the media and he just had a hard time believing a dom could outshine him when it came to the gossip rags and tabloids.

Louis didn’t take offense to his question and flashed Harry a wide smile. A smile that highlighted the little wrinkles by his bright blue eyes and gave Harry a strange feeling in his stomach. 

“Just wait and see Harry. Wait and see.”

Both in good moods, they enjoyed their dessert and spent time in the library talking. It was only when Harry found himself stifling a yawn that he finally stood and wished Louis a good night. It’s only when Harry leaves that Louis retrieves the journal and goes to his own room. Showering and changing into his own pajamas, he finally settles into bed and opens the journal to see what Harry had written. The entry stuns and confuses Louis as he reads Harry’s careful sloped handwriting.

_ “Why  is my contract so different than that of other subs?” _


	5. Gucci

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations are well underway for their first official outing but Harry has questions that only Louis can answer. The answers he receives leave him more confused than ever and his resolve is tested when Louis places one demand on him he didn't see coming. 
> 
> **This is a set up chapter for the party and drama that will soon ensue. I promise you won't have long to wait for the next chapter. If all goes as planned, it will be finished and uploaded by Wednesday.**

The days leading up to the listening party were filled with studies, conversations and to Harry’s delight, shopping. He had always enjoyed going out and buying himself whatever struck his fancy but going out with Louis was a different experience. He’d woken up to find a pair of casual emerald green slacks and a loose white button down shirt with frills at the sleeves. Louis had allowed him to dress it up with his jewelry and a rather fun trilby hat that matched his slacks. Though the outfit was a more understated look for him, it also worked when he saw Louis was in black slacks and a similar white shirt without the frills. They complimented each other while sticking to their individual styles. He silently approved of Louis’ appreciation of his unique fashion sense and looked forward to the outing. He was also aware that today they would be papped for the first time together. He knew how these things worked. The pap in question would be briefed to get shots of Harry while keeping Louis somewhat hidden. Pics of Louis with his back turn or a profile shot but the focus would be on Harry. The main thing would be to get shots that showed Louis as the dom and most importantly, pics that showed Harry now had a dom. He’d never had one before so this was sure to start accruing buzz and hopefully help his already questionable reputation. How the pics would accomplish this, Harry didn’t know but he knew he had to be on his best behavior. He just had to help sell the image they were trying to create. Not willing to lose his chance to go out, Harry had dressed and made sure his hair was set in casual loose curls with the hat sitting on his head.

Louis had a driver take them to their destination. Unsure of where they were shopping, Harry was pleasantly surprised when they arrived at Gucci on Bond Street. His excitement was palpable as he smiled widely and looked at Louis. He absolutely loved Gucci! Louis places a hand on his knee to settle him down before they exit the car. 

“Just follow my lead Harry. In a minute, our driver will let us out of the car. I will exit the car first and you will follow. Walk with me, not behind me. My focus is on getting us inside but you are allowed to smile and look around. It’s normal for you to do that so anything less will not come across as natural. Do you understand?”

At Harry’s nod, Louis squeezes his hand just as the door to their car is opened. Louis quickly slips on his sunglasses and steps out of the car. He waits by the door, holding his hand out for Harry to take. Harry reaches out to take Louis' hand and smiles at him. It’s a natural wide smile that brings out his dimples. When he’s out, he hears the door close and feels Louis’ arm go around his waist. Harry knows he should be looking around, maybe waving at fans he hears in the distance but he rather likes just looking at Louis. They make such a contrast. Louis’ face is set in serious lines as they walk towards the entrance while Harry looks positively giddy. A subtle squeeze around his waist reminds him that they’re being papped. Harry tears his gaze away from Louis' profile to look up and smile, giving a slight wave to some fans before they enter the store. The store manager is waiting to greet them before he guides them to a private room. To lessen the chances of them being papped by the wrong photog or fans, Louis had arranged for a private showing of clothing for himself and Harry. Once inside the room, they’re offered light food and drinks to enjoy as they look over the offered selections. 

Inside the room are already some complete outfits for them to start out with before they make their final decision. Harry is in his element as he sits back and discusses his personal style and taste with Louis and the manager. He wants to keep his individual and unique look while still pulling off a dom approved look. They keep showing him conservative looks that he wonders if he can adjust or restyle but his frustration must be evident. Louis asks for a moment alone with Harry, the manager discreetly exiting the room to give them time to talk.

“What’s wrong love?”

Harry sighs, not wanting to say anything that could cause him to lose the privilege of going to the party.

“Nothing really. It’s just...well…”

“Eyes up Harry. Look at me and tell me. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. Use your words. You will never be punished for being honest.”

“The clothes are beautiful but they’re not my style.”

“Ah. I see. You want something that better fits your unique flair and taste. Let the manager know Harry. I’m your dom, not your keeper. You can choose whatever you like.”

“Really? I was under the impression doms in general choose what their subs wear at all times. That’s what you’ve been doing so far.”

“Let’s clear up this misunderstanding and misconceptions you may have Harry. Many doms do like to pick out what their subs wear but you will find that over time, once trust has been established in the relationship, a dom will trust their sub to dress appropriately for every occasion. Most doms like to select the clothing for their subs because it gives them pleasure to make their sub look and feel as beautiful as they believe them to be. It also gives many subs happiness to know their dom cares for them enough to dress them. These relationships are about power, don’t get me wrong but the power dynamic is not as one-sided as you seem to believe it is. Subs do hold just as much power as their dom. You just need to learn it and learn how to appropriately harness it. Not every couple has this particular dynamic though. The rules are different for each couple. We have not yet established our rules together when we are out in public but that will come with time and as you get comfortable around me. I have been selecting your outfits but that was as a form of discipline and also because when we are at home, you tend to pay more attention to your studies and conversations with Mary and myself. We’ve both found that you’re more focused on us and not on material things. This listening party will be your first outing in a while. People are used to seeing you daily and often. They’re used to a higher level of social media presence from you and you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet. The pictures which are likely being put on the Internet as we speak will generate a buzz for you. The official ones at the party will create much interest and presumably start a positive trend about your lifestyle and behavior. Do you have any questions?”

Harry shakes his head as he processes what Louis is telling him. Every time he thinks he’s gotten a grasp on one part of a dom/sub relationship, Louis takes his conclusions and makes him rethink everything he ever believed.

“Alright love. Now, how about we get that manager back in here and this time, tell him explicitly what you’re looking for. If it will help, most subs wear complimentary clothing to their doms when they attend formal and semi-formal events. I’ll be wearing a standard black on black suit. You’re pretty free to wear anything that will compliment my black.”

Harry laughs knowing this has made his job so much easier. As the manager returns, Harry talks to him and discusses the collections he’s loved in the past and that regardless of his being in a relationship with a dom, he still wants to keep his signature style. To his credit, the manager doesn’t blanche or look to Louis for guidance or permission. He was astute enough to know that this was Harry’s territory and Louis was not going to get involved unless it was absolutely necessary. As more pieces and outfits are brought in, one catches Harry’s eye. Louis smiles and laughs knowing already Harry would select it. Harry is fitted just to make sure his sizing has not changed and alterations were to be made to ensure it would be ready in time for the party. As they prepare to leave, the manager walks them out, waiting for the signal to open the door as they would likely be papped yet again. Louis holds Harry’s hand this time as they walk to the car, quickly entering and leaving Bond Street. 

Harry is on a shopping high and thrilled at his selection. He really can’t wait for the party.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The days leading up to the listening party had Harry on his best behavior. He wanted to take no chances of losing this opportunity. As Louis had predicted, the pap pics of them had hit the Internet and created a bigger buzz than they had anticipated. It was clear from the shots that Harry had a dom and from the body language, fans and “body language experts” alike were convinced that Harry was head over heels for his new dom and the mysterious dom who appeared faceless in every picture due to awkward angles was quite possessive of his sub if his arm around Harry’s waist or their hand holding was any indication.

Harry found all the articles amusing but as he promised Louis, he liked nothing and made no comment. The fans and gossip rags kept quoting “sources” about Harry’s new relationship but really they knew it was all bullshit. No one on Harry’s team was talking. The repercussions of leaking anything before they were ready would be disastrous for their careers.

The day of the party, Louis had a special surprise for Harry. Though they couldn’t quite go anywhere just yet, Louis had arranged for them to get a couples massage in his home before the stylist arrived to help Harry. Since this would be their first official outing as a proper couple, Louis wanted to make sure it would go according to plan.

Harry relaxed under the hands of the masseuse, his tension and worries melting away at the feel of the strong and sure hands kneading his muscles. 

“Thank you Louis. This was unexpected but very appreciated.”

“You’re welcome Harry. I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

Once the massages were done, Louis stopped Harry before he could go to shower and begin getting ready.

“Harry, you’ve been exemplary this week but I want to reiterate a few things with you before we go. This listening party is about the other artist, not about you. You are not to do anything to garner negative attention to yourself or me. You will be your usual humorous charming self but you will be expected to stay with me unless I give you permission to leave my side. I know it seems unfair to you and you may feel that I am trying to control you but I do it with you in mind. I want what’s best for you. Some of your old friends will be there. I do not want you falling into old patterns simply because those negative influences are trying to lure you into whatever it is they want to do. Under no circumstances are you to do more than give a friendly greeting to Nick, Kendall and those of that group you associate with. Do you understand?”

Harry stared in shock at Louis. This was the first time he’d been expressly forbidden to have friends. What in the actual hell? He wanted so badly to tell Louis that absolutely not because that group were his friends. They ran in the same circles because like him, they didn’t care for the rules of their society. So what if all of them were labeled as brats or were barely clinging to their B rating. The look on Louis’ face stops him. He knew that if he argued or didn’t make this promise to Louis, he’d be stuck at home indefinitely until the next opportunity for a social event arose.

Nodding, he looks down before he feels Louis’ hand on his chin.

“I need to hear you say it Harry. Use your words. Verbal communication is very important here. Tell me.”

“I promise to give nothing more than a friendly greeting.”

“That’s a good boy. Now go on. Shower and get ready.”

Harry leaves, grumbling under his breath about how unfair this all was. His rather sour mood is soothed when the stylists show up and begin to unpack their tools in his bedroom while he showers. He sits patiently and jokes with them as his hair is styled, as a light coat of pastel nail polish is put on his fingers before finally, his outfit is taken out. Dressing, he loves the feeling of the silk along his body. The chunky heeled boot and the pearl earring really highlight his own version of a black on black outfit. When he steps outside his room and goes downstairs, he sees Louis wearing a perfect black on black suit that had a subtle sheen to it. When Louis sees him, he smiles at Harry. It was a different sort of smile and Harry did not know how to decipher it. 

“You look amazing Harry. You will put everyone there to shame.”

Harry blushes though he’s not entirely sure why. He’s so used to compliments about his looks that it’s now ingrained in him to make a witty remark or brush it off but when Louis compliments him, he feels something…

He’s not sure what and maybe now isn’t the time to explore it. They leave the house to attend the party, Harry eager to be out and about and ready to party with Louis as calm and patient as ever. 

When they arrive at the venue, Harry tenses at the large crowd of paparazzi and fans lining the building. Though they can’t get in, he knows his relationship with Louis is about to set the Internet gossips on fire. As their car pulls up, Louis squeezes his hand and looks at him silently for a moment. It’s almost as if he wants to say something but chooses to stay silent instead. The car door opens and Louis exits the car first. He nods in greeting to the fans, paparazzi and security before he turns back to the car and extends his hand. It’s as if time goes in slow motion. A long arm clad in see through silk reaches for his and slowly unfolds his long frame out of the car. When he does, a dull roar is heard as the paparazzi and fans recognize Harry and realize that he’s with his dom. Not just any dom. He’s with Louis Tomlinson.

Harry doesn’t really hear them or notice the endless flash of cameras. He’s focused on Louis' warm blue eyes and the smile that’s gracing his beautiful face. Harry’s own smile widens as he steps out of the car and takes a few seconds to just stare and admire the beautiful features of his dom. Their moment is interrupted when a security guard comes to help guide them inside. Harry blushes and looks down as Louis places his hand possessively around his neck and gives it a subtle gentle squeeze. It’s a clear sign of possession, of showing everyone that he is the dom in the relationship and Harry is his. They don’t stop to talk to anyone. The pictures speak for themselves. Harry can’t contain his smile as he looks up and around at the fans. He waves to a few and leans towards Louis to make a comment to which Louis laughs and moves his hand from Harry’s neck and instead holds his hand as they enter the venue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I read your comments and love them all! I'm trying to catch up and reply to as many as I can because I want you to know I'm reading all your comments and even the critiques. I don't mind them as long as they're not mean. ;-)


	6. Punishment Part I & What Niall learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry misbehaves and lapses at the first sign of temptation. His punishment is not what he expected but it's not over yet. Louis struggles with the discipline of his sub and the news he learns from Niall. Moving forward, Louis knows he has to tread carefully.
> 
> **I've added tags for triggers since much is alluded to but not explicitly stated yet. Don’t hate me. We all knew something traumatic happened to Harry and we are now slowly beginning to unravel what happened and we are learning he wasn’t alone. Bratty Harry isn’t gone so don’t think this is the end of that behavior. He copes and tries to escape his trauma by trying to find his own power through misguided behaviors.

The room is lit with several sconces and lighting made to look like old fashioned candelabras. The room itself is big but the lighting and the decor make it feel like a more intimate space. All the gilt and wine colors in the room are offset by the glitter of black sequins and crystal. All in all, the atmosphere is very elegant, jovial and perfectly in tune with the artist they are celebrating. Harry wasn’t too familiar with the artist but her music was edgy bordering on gothic pop based on her look and her vocals which were impressive. He’d heard a bit of her music on the radio when her single had hit the airwaves and her sound reminded him of Grace Slick. He briefly wonders if perhaps they could work on something together, a duet perhaps when he’s broken out of his thoughts by Louis’ brief squeeze of his hand. It’s then that he realizes Louis is talking to someone and that someone is his own manager Jeff.

“Good of you to join us Harry! I must say I’m thrilled to see you here and let me just say that the response has been incredible.”

He lifts his drink in a toast to them both before excusing himself to go check on the artist before her performance. Neither of them wonder about the cryptic way Jeff spoke. Despite this being an intimate setting and the guest list topped at 150 people and no paparazzi allowed inside, one still didn’t know who to trust outside of the team. Neither knew if there was someone here willing to sell a story and any story regarding Louis and Harry or pictures of them together right now would be worth a fortune. Since their outing at Gucci, they’d found that their plan had worked. Among the trends were #HarrysDom, #MysteryDom and #TamingHarryStyles as well as #FreeHarry from a group of hardcore fans who preferred it when Harry was being a bad boy. There had been many guesses as to the identity of the dom and several high profile and currently single doms had been mentioned as possibly being Harry’s but to Louis’ amusement, his name had been mentioned only once and that was when a fan wondered if it was THE Louis Tomlinson but had been quickly shot down by fans as saying there was no chance in hell because Louis had been the dom to royalty for fucks sake. Why would Louis be a dom to someone like Harry? It was comments like this that made Louis ban Harry from looking at social media for the time being. Harry had been confused but Louis has assured him that with him slowly establishing a new reputation, the last thing he needed was the negativity and toxicity of social media. Harry had actually listened and avoided Twitter and Instagram since those were the platforms where he was actually active in.

“Let’s get a drink shall we?”

Harry nods and smiles at Louis’ suggestion. Other than the arm around his waist, this felt like another night out for Harry. Music, drinks, acquaintances. When they reach the bar, Harry is about to open his mouth to order when the bartender looks at them and looks to Louis, blatantly ignoring Harry who frowns. He was not going to be ignored.

“Excuse me? I was going to order a drink.”

The bartender ignores Harry and looks pointedly at Louis who frowns. 

“I believe my sub spoke to you. Never disrespect my sub especially in my presence again.”

The man flushes red as he quickly apologizes to Louis.

“You’re apologizing to the wrong person. Apologize to Harry.”

It’s almost amusing how the man goes from bright red to almost purple. A dom himself, the idea of apologizing to a sub, especially a substandard one is insulting but to insult someone like Mr. Tomlinson was asking to get demoted. 

“I apologize for ignoring you Mr. Styles. What would you like?”

“An Icelandic Pear 75 please.”

“And for you Mr. Tomlinson?”

“The same.”

As the man turns to mix their drinks, Louis sees that Harry is upset. The little altercation with the bartender bothered them both but it clearly affected Harry more. He tubs his hands up and down Harry’s arms for a moment.

“Look at me love. Not every dom behaves or treats subs as appalling as this man just did to you. He clearly has some misguided notion that a sub cannot think for themselves and that doms are the top of the food chain. We are different but we are no better or worse than each other. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir. I just hate it when doms act this way. As if we’re nothing but living dolls to serve at their pleasure.”

Louis frowns, concerned over Harry’s choice of words to describe doms but knows this isn’t the time or place to have that discussion with Harry. He turns to receive their drinks and gives one to Harry, clinking their drinks together in a silent toast.

“Come on. Don’t let his attitude ruin our evening. Let’s mingle and be seen together.”

“HARRY!”

He stiffens as does Louis when they turn around and see ‘friends’ of Harry’s stumbling their way towards them. It’s clear they’re all tipsy already. Harry gets nervous as they get closer, wide beaming smiles on their faces, almost manic from the way they’re shoving people aside just to get to him. Louis waits patiently, content to observe and see how Harry handles himself in front of his alleged friends.

“What the fuck Harry? You disappear from the faith of the earth, you don’t return our texts and then we fucking see on Twitter that you went and got yourself a dom.”

Before he can even reply, Nick turns to Louis and inches closer to him, his breath laced with alcohol creating a nauseating cloud around Louis.

“Who the fuck do you think you are taking him away from us? Harry hates doms and he hates you. If all you wanted was a fuck, all you had to do was ask. He’d have let you fuck him right Harry?”

As Nick and the group laugh, Harry pales as he realizes that even his own friends see him as nothing more than a cheap whore who fucks anyone and everyone who comes his way. Louis notices the distress on Harry’s face and quickly decides to take control of the situation. He grabs Nick by the arm, tightening his hold slightly as he signals to the security discreetly stationed around the venue.

“Please take Mr. Grimshaw and his companions out. They’re clearly inebriated and looking to create a scene.”

Nick can’t get a word out as they’re all ushered out of the venue and escorted to the back exit.

“Harry, stay here with Jeff. I’ll be right back.”

The little scene had been witnessed by Jeff who walked up to them as security closed in on the troublemakers. Louis follows the group while Jeff leads Harry to a secluded corner where a comfortable couch and some cushy chairs were set up. When they walk up, the group sitting there quietly leave as if due to some silent cue.

“Harry? Are you alright?”

“Is that what the world thinks of me? That I sleep with everyone who looks in my direction?”

“Harry, you have to be aware of this. Why do you think we went to all this trouble? I’m sorry to say it but Nick was only expressing what everyone thinks and what you have been in denial about for a long time. That’s why Louis is here helping you. To change that.”

Harry nods, not saying a word. 

“Excuse me for a moment. I need to go to the loo.”

He leaves his drink on the little table and goes to the bathroom. It’s blessedly empty as he stares at himself in the mirror, feeling angry and disgusted. 

“You alright there Harry?”

He looks over his shoulder, surprised when he sees Kendall walking out of a stall.

“Did I enter the women’s loo?”

She laughs as she walks up to him.

“No. When I saw Nick and the gang getting kicked out, I hid in here. I was getting a drink when it all went down. I’d have been guilty by association simply because we are always getting papped together so I hid in here knowing they wouldn’t look for me in the men’s loo. Now I get to stay and drink and enjoy myself.”

She bends slightly at the waist, pulling the side slit of her silky silver dress a tad higher than normal and produces a flask. She uncaps it and toasts Harry.

“Cheers!”

After taking a deep swig, she hands it to Harry who stares at it for a moment before deciding to hell with his promise to Louis of only having two drinks that evening. Technically he never finished his first one so this would only count as one right?

The vodka burns as it hits his throat but he can’t deny the immediate warmth he feels is good. 

“Fucking Nick. Fucking things up for me.”

“So it’s true then? You went and got yourself a proper dom?”

It’s on the tip of his tongue to tell Kendall the entire story but he realizes that if it were to ever get out, his career would essentially be ruined.

“Yeah. Yeah I did. And Nick decides to go be a prick and insult me and call me a whore in front of Louis.”

“The rumors are true then? Louis Tomlinson is your dom? Holy Shit Harry. How did you manage that?”

They’re sharing the flask between them, back and forth as they talk inside the men's restroom, neither caring that someone could potentially walk in on them 

“Yeah. We met through Jeff. I was at a meeting about my next album after my break and he was meeting Jeff for lunch. Jeff introduced us and the rest, as they say, is history.”

It was a very thin and lame version of the true events that had transpired but all parties had agreed to keep the details of their first meeting as generic as possible. They’d met through Jeff at work. End of story. 

“How do you like him? Is he as incredible in bed as the rumors say he is? Discreet that one and none of his former subs ever talk about him and no one has anything negative to say about him other than he comes across as cold and distant unless you get to know him. Come on Harry! Details! How incredible is he in the sack?”

Harry turns bright red causing her to laugh so hard she ends up bent over at the waist. Luckily, she mistakes his blush as confirmation of her questions.

“Lucky bastard. There isn’t a sub alive who wouldn’t kill to have a night with Louis and you’ve him all to yourself.”

The alcohol is making them both rather comfortable and chatty as they keep sharing the flask. When it’s empty, they leave the bathroom to go to one of the makeshift bars in the venue away from the dickhead dom bartender. He forgets that Jeff is waiting for him and that Louis is likely also going to be looking for him. All he wants to do is to drown himself in the sweet warmth of alcohol and forgetting Nick’s cutting words to him. One shot becomes two and then three. A Moscow Mule and appletini later, they’re both cackling like hyenas as they share more stories about other celebrities and engage in useless gossip. They’re loud, others are beginning to take notice and more than one person does a double take when they see Kendall straddling Harry as they make out in blissful drunken ignorance. Neither is aware when a pair of bright blue eyes zero in on them as Harry gropes Kendall’s bum. The eyes miss nothing including the several empty shot glasses and drink glasses in front of them.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

_ Less than an hour prior… _

Louis walks with security to escort Nick and his drunken entourage out of the venue. Nick begins to screech and yell but yelps in pain as one of the security guards holds his arm behind his back.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Let me go you fucker! Just wait until Monday! I will fucking ruin you on my radio show!”

The security guard lets him go when they’ve reached the dark alley behind the venue. It’s empty due to security being tight and keeping fans and paparazzi alike from sneaking back to try and get pics of the celebrities, the doms and subs who are attending. When the bouncer lets go of Nick, he barely has time to fix his clothing before Louis has him by the shirt and pressed up against the brick wall.

“Let’s get one thing straight Grimshaw. I know who you are and you know who I am. This is how it’s going to be. You will no longer associate with Harry. Not you nor any of your ridiculous freeloading drunk friends. All of you are to erase Harry from your social media. Unfollow him. Untag him. Delete all the pictures of him you have from social media, your phones and whatever other electronics you may have. You are not to email him or associate with him any longer. If I ever catch wind that you are talking about Harry or in his vicinity, I will make your life a living hell. Do you understand?”

Nick is too drunk to have any sense of self-preservation. He doesn’t take Louis threat too seriously 

“Fuck you Mister A dom. I’m gonna tell everyone on my show what a fucking prick you are. My friends will back me up.”

“Is that right? Let’s just see shall we?”

He lets go of Nick and watches them scamper off. He nods to the security team and they reenter the venue. Confident that Harry is being taken care of by Jeff, he steps into a private room to take a call. He normally wouldn’t leave Harry alone this long but he’s certain Harry is safe and he needs to talk to Niall.

“Hey Niall.”

“Lou! I’ve got some news for you but it’s preferable if we meet in person to go over it.”

“Sure Niall. How about lunch? I’ll let Harry have some time for himself and we can talk.”

“Actually, it’s better if we meet privately. I can go to your place or you can come to mine.”

“I’ll go to yours then. Say 11?”

“That works. Aren’t you at that party? The pictures of you and Harry have hit the Internet by storm.”

“Really? Positive or negative?”

“All good! It’s insane. You guys are the top trends right now. Did you know you now have a ship name?”

“A what now?”

“A ship name Lou. Keep up. Fans have decided you and Harry are the IT couple and are couple goals. They’re calling you guys Larry Stylinson or Larry for short. Stop shunning social media and look it up.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll look later. I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”

“Sure thing. Oh and Louis? Make sure Harry isn’t home when we meet. Send him on errands or shopping or a movie. Just make sure he’s out of the house.”

“What? Why?”

“Just trust me on this.”

“Alright. If you’re sure. I gotta go. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

He hangs up and decides to take a few minutes to take a quick peek at social media. He didn’t shun it as Niall would have one believe. He just didn’t utilize it as often as most people did. He rarely ever posted anything simply because he was a private person and did not feel the need to put his life on blast for all the world to see. Niall was right. He laughs as he sees the trends. #LarryStylinson, #Larry, #HarryandLouis #LouisSub and #HarrysDom. He will make sure to review them tomorrow to make sure the feedback is overwhelmingly positive and then make a game plan for more outings with Harry, both public ones and private ones away from prying eyes. Leaving the private room, he returns to the large room where the lights are starting to dim for the performance of the artist. He sees Jeff talking to some other couple but doesn’t see Harry. Looking around, he starts to walk, his focus on finding his sub. A slight shimmer of silver catches his eyes and he turns and sees Kendall and Harry making out, one slip shy of her dress falling off and them having sex in front of everyone. 

He keeps his cool as he walks towards them, grateful for the low lights and all the focus on the singer as applause fills the room.

“I leave for a short while and return to this.”

Harry and Kendall break apart fast, Harry blushing and standing up as Kendall adjusts her dress, mortified and knowing Harry is in so much trouble. How quickly both of them sobered up at the sight of Louis’ angry gaze.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Save it. We’re leaving.”

“Louis…”

Louis stops and his glare makes Harry freeze up. He’s not sure what to think. Louis doesn’t look angry or upset. His gaze is frighteningly blank. This sets Harry on edge because anger he can deal with. Dealing with someone who displays little to no emotion is unchartered territory.

“I believe we discussed the rules and that includes behavior that is inappropriate. I also believe we discussed the proper way to address me at all times. Are there any other rules you’d care to break?”

Harry shakes his head, not trusting his voice to speak. 

“I believe you owe everyone here and the artist an apology. You ruined their evening with your lewd drunken behavior, you embarrassed me and you embarrassed yourself. You took the attention away from an artist that is working hard to get her name out there and instead made this evening all about you. Unfortunately, I refuse to take more of the artists time by having the focus be on you but rest assured that tomorrow, you will be apologizing and making amends for this. Don’t think for one second that’s your punishment though. Let’s go.”

They walk with Harry struggling to keep up with Louis. Again he has to experience Louis not waiting for him nor opening doors. They’re taken to a side entrance to avoid the paparazzi who are hoping for more shots of Louis and Harry and though that had been the original plan along with a very late night dinner at a restaurant, Louis brushed those plans aside. Getting into the car, neither men speak as they’re taken home. Entering the house, Louis goes to his bedroom, completely ignoring Harry. 

Harry groans when he enters his bedroom and turns on the light. In the time it took for them to drive home, Louis must have called Mary and whatever crew she has on hand had worked fast. His room is once again bare, his clothing are gone as are his jewelry, luxury toiletries and his laptop. Turning a circle, he sees Louis standing by the doorway. He blinks as he realizes something.

“What...where’s the door?”

“Privacy is a privilege Harry and one you no longer have. I thought we had started to establish trust but the minute I had my back turned, you went out of your way to get drunk and all but have sex in a public setting where people could see you. Until you learn to control yourself and your behaviors, you no longer have privacy in this home. Good night.”

Harry is in too much shock to argue or comprehend what just happened. He’d lost his privileges again and now his door? What the hell was going on? He still has enough sense to not go and argue. Perhaps things will be better in the morning. He picks up his plain cotton pajamas and showers quickly. Getting into bed, he feels the beginnings of a headache and groans as he tries to get comfortable and falls asleep quickly.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It’s 6 am when Harry jolts awake by the sound of an alarm. Hungover and miserable, he goes to shut off the blasted alarm blaring through the intercom. Dressing quickly, he ignores his nauseous stomach as he makes his way downstairs. He doesn’t bother getting his phone. He already knows it’s missing and that Louis has it. Entering the dining room, he is shocked when he sees the people sitting there. Three faces stare at him, one looks resigned, one looks angry and the other just looks at him with no expression.

“Mum! Gemma! What are you doing here?”

“That’s my cue to leave. Ladies, please make yourselves at home. If there’s anything you need, Mary is at your disposal. I have business to attend to and will be home after lunch.”

Louis rises and leaves the room, not once acknowledging Harry. Harry stares at Harry as he walks away, suddenly shamed because there’s only one reason why both his mother and sister would be sitting here.

“He called you didn’t he?”

“Actually he didn’t. Jeff did. We contacted Louis and made immediate arrangements to come over for a visit. He explained that because you are taking things slow, he still has not sat with you to discuss punishments and discipline as well as what your limits are. Luckily for him, I’m your mother and a dom and by law, I can still assert punishment if my children are without a dom. Gemma is a dom but does not have her sub yet so she too can punish you. Since Louis cannot punish you yet, we will.”

Harry’s eyes widen in shock at the cold glares of both women. It had never occurred to him that his mother or sister could take over his punishments if his own dom was unable to. Again he silently cursed himself for not paying more attention to his studies. He’d been punished as a child by both his mother and older sister but as his behavior had escalated and he often traveled and didn’t see them as much, punishments were few and far between. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d been punished. As he’s pondering his fate, Gemma rises with a plate of food and sets it on a char in the corner of the room.

“Your behavior is not fit to sit at a table with us right now. You may eat your breakfast there. The chair is yours until we have discussed your punishment. Do not speak to us until we have given you permission.”

He scowls at Gemma but drops his gaze at his mother’s glare. He may argue with Gemma but he would never go against his mother. Going to the chair, he sits and quietly eats as they speak in low voices he can’t make out.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Louis morning is busy but he sits with Niall after changing their plans and meets with Niall at his home for brunch. They eat and talk without discussing the elephant in the room. It’s not until they’re finished that Niall guides him to his study and closes the door so they can speak privately. His own sub went out shopping and wasn’t expected back for a few hours but Niall was always very careful. He takes out a notebook with his notes written in shorthand.

“Louis. The information isn’t complete but I’ll tell you what I’ve managed to discover so far. Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. Records are kept for every sub and dom but they’re heavily guarded, encrypted and difficult to access. You can request your own records but what they give you is a heavily redacted pile of shit. It’s very rare for anyone to ask for their records and when they do, all you get are highlights. Asking for the records of someone else is impossible. I’ve had to enlist the help of a specialist to get me anything on Harry. I even went to the academy on the pretext of wanting to thank the instructors of my own sub personally for the wonderful work they did and I was given the bullshit spiel that while they appreciated my interest and my acknowledgement, the identities of the final instructors and adjudicators are private. Harry would be the only one to be able to tell you what Masters and Mistresses were his final examiners and who his adjudicator was.”

“I knew the process was secretive but I was hoping you’d be able to find something.”

“I did Lou. You’re not gonna like it.”

He flips his notebook to a particular page and scans his own notes before he speaks again.

“There’s a nurse that worked at the academy. She is retired and living in Scotland now. While she wouldn’t outright tell me what happened, she told me a story and allowed me to record it on the promise I erase it immediately after you listened to it. I explained to her why I was asking without giving details. I told her I was looking into the process because my sub had memory lapses and it seemed worrisome that parts of their time seemed to be missing from their life.”

Taking out his phone, Niall hits play on the short recording as a reedy voice speaks.

“I love stories. I have so many stories to tell. Let me tell you Mr. Horan the story of the pretty girl I called Tay. She was lovely. Well mannered and with a lovely voice. She comes to me one day with a snapped wrist. You see a lot of injuries as a nurse but rarely do you ever see broken bones. We don’t do any form of practicum that would cause bodily harm to this degree. When I asked her what happened, she kept saying she was clumsy. Then there’s the young man I called Bear. He was a looker. Strong and definitely the type of dom anyone would be happy to have. He was on track to be an A rated dom when he comes to me with bruises. I asked him what happened and he told me he was clumsy. He wouldn’t let me do anything other than give him medicine for the pain. Then there was the young man I called Curly. He was beautiful. Already well known, if you know what I mean. He was eager to learn and sometimes bragged that he would be the rare and elusive A rated sub. That is until he came to see me with his lovely curly locks shorn off in a terrible haircut and hunched over as if in pain. He told me he was clumsy and hurt his back. Then he came back again a week later with bruises and a limp that did not come from any naturally given injury if you know what I mean. All these lovely and hopeful young men and women would come to me and they were all clumsy. Every single last one. All of them were well known to the public by the time they entered the academy. All of them. I knew every instructor and adjudicator that ever worked there during my time. Classes overlapped but these three did not have classes or sessions together. What they did share was the same professor who was later promoted to final evaluator and they were all given special custom made smoothie or protein drinks prior to sessions with this particular person. The story goes it was done to boost their health. Do you understand what I’m telling you Mr. Horan?”

The recording ends with Niall looking serious and Louis looking sick.

“Who was that instructor? What was his fucking name Niall?”

“She wouldn’t tell me. She told me to keep digging and I’d find what I was looking for. I plan on giving her a week or so before I return to find out. I’m also looking into who Tay and Bear are. I need you to talk to Harry and see if he remembers them. Their nicknames are clues to their identities. If Harry can’t remember or won’t tell you who the person is, maybe one of them will.”

“Jesus Niall. How fucking long has this been going on? Whomever he is, he preyed on barely legal teenagers who were well known. Famous? Or perhaps they’re the children of famous people?”

“Very likely. I’m looking into it but like I said, it may go faster if you talk to Harry.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Taking his leave, he returns home earlier than expected but doesn’t seek out Harry, Anne or Gemma. He goes to his bedroom and locks the door. He needs to think and process everything he’s just found out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Thank you for all the wonderful feedback!
> 
> This is not the only time Harry will misbehave but it's one that will imprint itself in his memory because of the rather unorthodox punishment Louis gave him. Haha.
> 
> As for what Niall learned, more of that will be coming. The nurse alluded to a lot without being explicit. Now the search for Tay and Bear begins as well as the prodding of Harry's memories.


	7. Broken Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at these but here goes. Harry faces punishment but his form of apology to Louis is not what was expected or accepted. Feeling the sting of rejection, Harry does what he does best. He runs. It's only when he returns that he unknowingly starts to open up to Louis who now faces a more daunting task than just an incorrigible brat for a sub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is filled with angst so I apologize. We have to get to the bottom of the trauma in order for Harry to heal. This also does mean we get to see more bratty Harry soon. Old habits are hard to break.

“I apologize for calling and taking up your time but I wanted to offer my sincere apologies for my behavior this past weekend. It was unacceptable and a complete embarrassment to you, a guest as well as to the celebrated artist, my Dom and myself. I hope you can forgive me as I attempt to make amends for what I have done.”

“Of course dear Harry. It takes strength of character to recognize you’ve done wrong and to atone for it. That dom of yours will get you into shape in no time at all.”

“Yes ma'am. Thank you ma'am.”

Once the call was done, Harry grimaced as he checked off another name on the list. The punishment Anne and Gemma had devised had him making calls to every single person in attendance at the party, offering a personal apology to them. To say that the calls had been uncomfortable was an understatement. Most guests had not witnessed what had happened but he’d been instructed to not give details. He was merely to say that he had acted inappropriately and disobeyed his dom at the party. This had been met with countless admonishments from doms, condescending comments from other subs about how they’d never disrespect their doms or themselves in a public setting. Harry sensed some glee from some of the people he apologized to. As if they felt he had it coming and couldn’t wait to see what else happened to him.

“You’re almost done Harry. You still need to call the artist herself. Do you know why you’re apologizing to her Harry?”

“Because I misbehaved at her listening party and took some of the spotlight and attention off of her.   


“Not quite Harry. Do you remember when you were first starting out? Singing at little restaurants, pubs, small clubs, gatherings at the park.”

“Yes. I remember those well. Why?”

“Do you remember your big break?”

Harry thinks back to that moment. He’d been singing on the weekends whenever possible. He had entered several singing competitions, often winning them or placing in the top 3 until that fateful day. He’d come in third in a local singing competition and someone had placed the video on YouTube. At his next gig, singing at a local festival, Harry was approached by a man who had given him his card. He’d spoken to his mom for a bit about Harry’s talent and potential. After that, things had moved fast. They’d met the man again and young 16 year old Harry had no idea that Jeff Azoff would change his life forever. 

“I remember it well. The singing competition. That’s where we met Jeff.”

“That’s right and do you remember the lovely listening party he arranged for you when your first album was about to drop?”

Harry can’t help but smile. Because of his young age, Jeff had done a listening party that was a teenager’s fantasy. Instead of other producers and music executives, the guest list had been actual teenagers, fans of Harry from his social media, friends from his school and other teens who had heard of Harry through word of mouth and YouTube. His listening party had been fun. That’s what he remembered. He’d sung his songs, engaged with the audience and had taken time afterwards to mingle with them, talk to them, take lots of pictures. The review had been overwhelmingly positive and his image had been wholesome. The sweetheart would be sub with genuine kindness towards everyone. 

“It was fun. It was cute. Everything a teenager could ask for.”

“That’s right. And it meant the world to you because everyone there was celebrating you and your talent. They were the ones who helped propel you to where you are now. They’re your fans Harry and you respected them as much as you respected yourself. They gave you love and attention. With your behavior last night, you took some of that shine off the artist. You took something away from her and her moment that was not yours.”

Harry’s mouth opens, stunned by his mother’s words. 

“I never thought about it that way…”

“That’s your problem Harry. You don’t think. You’re so used to doing things for yourself and thinking only of yourself that it never occurs to you how your actions affect others. How they reflect on others. With what you did last night, you also embarrassed Louis. You took a dom with a sterling reputation that is trying to help you and put his reputation and his rating at risk. If pictures of this had gone out, do you know how that would have affected him?”

Harry stays silent, squirming on the inside, uncomfortable with the amount of guilt he’s feeling. To be honest, he hadn’t considered how it would look on Louis. He had not even thought of the stain on Louis’ reputation if word had gotten out. No sooner than he has this thought than he feels a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Eyes wide with horror, he looks up at his mom and sister to ask them what is now weighing on his mind.

“What if someone talks? What if someone who did see speaks to the media?”

“No need to worry Harry. That’s being handled by Louis and Jeff. A story is being planted that like any new sub, you’re still adjusting to having a dom after being without one for so long. While you had a little difficulty at the party, you were disciplined appropriately and are now putting this behind you.”

“What about Nick? And the group?”

“You can talk to Louis about all that. Now, let’s finish this last call. Gemma and I have plans for an afternoon shopping trip and dinner. You still need to talk to Louis.”

Sighing, Harry picks up his phone and makes the call to the artist. A sub herself, she was gracious and readily accepted Harry’s apology. Though he would have liked to talk to her a bit longer, he knew it was not the time or place for a discussion about a possible collaboration. Hanging up, he accepts their hugs and kisses as he walks them to the door. Once he’s alone, a part of him wants to go escape to his bedroom but he knows better than to just walk away. He needs to speak to Louis and first apologize and accept whatever other punishment Louis has in store for him. He steels himself and takes deep breaths as he walks towards the double doors of Louis’ office. Knocking, he waits for Louis’ invitation to enter before he opens the door and finds Louis sitting behind his desk, his tie gone and the top button of his shirt undone. Louis looks tired which is unusual for him. He wants to ask what’s the matter but knows he needs to apologize first before Louis will even engage him in conversation.

“I’d like to apologize once again Sir for my behavior last night. It was crude of me to do what I did and disrespectful. I called every guest in attendance except for Nick, Kendall and that group. I was told it was not necessary to apologize to them. I’d like to offer a more personal apology to you Sir for what I did.”

“A more personal apology? Alright. Let’s have it.”

Louis is expecting for Harry to to verbalize why he did what he did and how he can make sure it doesn’t happen again but is shocked when Harry walks around his desk and gets on his knees, hands reaching for Louis’ pants.

“Wait. Stop. Harry. What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m apologizing sir.”

Louis stands up fast, almost knocking Harry down in his haste to move away fast. His mind is racing as he contemplates what just happened. Looking back, he sees Harry is standing by his desk, his arms wrapped around himself and confused.

“Harry. I need you to be honest with me. Were you about to offer oral sex as an apology?”

Harry flushes red but nods.

“Use your words Harry. I need you to tell me.”

“Yes sir, I was.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t that how subs apologize to their doms? Offering a sexual service to make them happy.”

“No Harry. That’s not how apologies work. Not at all. Who told you this? Where did you learn this from?”

Harry stays silent, not willing to talk about it and feeling mortified at what had just happened. The kicker was the mortification that he had been rejected. Wave after wave of humiliation hit him as the realization that he’d been rejected hit him. Not Louis’ question or his demand to know more about this. It was the rejection that was hitting Harry hard. He’s distracted from his own thoughts by a gentle hand on his shoulder. Louis had moved closer to him, calling his name.

“Harry. I need you to talk to me love. We can’t figure this out if you don’t talk to me. Who told you all these misconceptions you have about a dom/sub relationship? This isn’t something that is taught, accepted or tolerated at the academy. I need you to talk to me so we can move forward and figure out how to solve this.”

Harry starts shaking his head quickly. This wasn’t something he wanted to revisit or talk about. Ever. Louis tries to insist but all that results in is Harry breaking down and running away. He quickly runs out the front door of the house and leaves, not sure or even caring where he’s going. He just needs to go away. He ignores the sound of Louis’ voice calling out to him but he has the advantage. His legs are longer and he had a headstart. He runs and doesn’t stop until he finds himself on a busy street lined with pubs and restaurants. He enters the first one he sees and takes a corner booth facing away from the majority of the restaurant. He orders himself a series of shots, determined to drink away the memories Louis’ forced him to remember.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Returning to his office, Louis makes a few calls. The first is to Jeff to have the PR team prepare for a story or pics of Harry. He briefly tells him Harry ran off but assures him he has things handled. Harry’s not his first extremely stubborn sub. His next call is to a good friend. He’d never called on him for help but he knew he could trust Dr. Zayn Malik to help him with Harry. A sub himself, Zayn was a psychiatrist specializing in the treatment of abused subs. Harry wouldn’t talk to him but maybe he’d talk to Zayn. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It’s past midnight when Louis receives the phone call he’d been expecting.

“Mr. Tomlinson? I apologize for disturbing you at this hour. This is Inspector Winter of the Metropolitan Police. We have a man identified as Harry Styles detained here. We understand he’s your sub? He was quite drunk, hostile and engaged in a fight outside of a pub. There were several witnesses but miraculously, no one bothered to take pictures or record it as that pub in that part of town is known for nightly fights. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them. 

Louis sighs. He’d been expecting this. As disappointing as it was, he can’t say he didn’t see it coming. As with all bratty subs, Harry would continue to act out until he came to terms with the reality of his new life and for Harry, when he began to talk about what had happened to him. 

“Yes, I will go pick him up.”

“Not necessary sir. Out of consideration for you, one of our men will drive Mr. Styles back to you. I trust his discipline will be handled for his outrageous behavior tonight.”

“Of course. Thank you for this.”

Once they hang up, Louis waits patiently for his drunk sub to be returned to him. The ringing of the doorbell alert him to Harry’s return. When he opens the door, Harry is smiling at him, still drunk. He thanks the officer and says nothing as he helps Harry go to his room. 

“You need a shower Harry. You reek.”

Louis helps Harry remove his rather disgusting smelling clothes and helps him into the shower. The entire process is clinical for Louis. He washes him, dries him and helps him into his pajamas. Tucking Harry in, he shuts off the light and prepares to go to his own room when Harry’s slurred voice stops him.

“What was that love?”

“Is what he told me.”

Louis moves closer to Harry who is slurring his words but speaking. He senses that whatever Harry tells him now is important.

“What did he tell you?”

“He’d said subs like me would get beaten. Abused. Thas why he did what he did. To make me learn and prepare. He wanted me to be his sub. Teach me lessons he said.”

“What did he do to you Harry?”

“Taught me lessons. Taught us all lessons. Hurt. He hurt me. Hurt us all.”

“Who is he Harry?”

He’s met with silence. Harry had fallen asleep.

Leaving the room, he goes to his own room knowing he won’t sleep. His thoughts are all on the broken sub across the hall from him. 


	8. The Switch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has his first visit with Dr. Malik but will it help? Can Zayn get through to the sub no one has been able to tame?

“Ugh. My fucking head.”

Harry groans and shifts to his side. He feels absolutely miserable. When was the last time he had a hangover this bad? His stomach rolls as he tries to steady himself with deep breaths but he knows it’s a losing battle. Moving faster than a hungover half dead person should, Harry races to the toilet just in time to empty the contents of his stomach. Hunched over on his knees, he continues to vomit until he’s just dry heaving, tears and snot rolling down his face. He stands on shaky legs after he manages to flush and turns on the shower. Undressing, he steps into the shower and lets the hot water help him get rid of the feeling of misery as well as the smell. His memories of the previous night are hazy but he woke up at Louis’ so he knows he somehow made it home. That’s when he notices the stinging in his hands. Why the hell are his knuckles bruised? He stares at his hands, uneasy at the scrapes and bruising around his knuckles. That’s when he realizes his own side hurts. Looking down, he sees a large bruise blooming on his right rib and has no idea how it got there. What the hell had he done? Clearly he’d gotten into a fight. With Louis? No. He chases that thought away as soon as he has it. Louis wouldn’t be the type to get into a fistfight with a sub. He shuts off the water and grabs a towel, taking his movements slow as he dries off and returns to his bedroom. To his surprise, a set of nice slacks and shirt are laid out for him along with water and two pills he can only assume are for his headache. He takes the medicine right away and chugs the water, grimacing at the sour taste in his mouth. He goes to brush his teeth, retching and gagging a little more before he finally feels human enough to go downstairs. He looks at the little alarm clock by his bed and is stunned to see it’s almost noon. Louis let him sleep in? That was unusual. A growing feeling of unease starts to hit him as he wonders what is going on. His memories of the previous night are fuzzy and Louis, who usually takes wonderful care of him even at his worst has let him sleep far past a time Louis would ever consider acceptable. It was better to face the music now rather than prolong whatever punishment Louis would have in store for him even though he doesn’t quite remember what he did. Moving carefully, he makes his way down to the dining room but doesn’t find Louis. He continues to look around before he spots Mary in the kitchen making tea. She doesn’t say a word to him, just hands him a cup of tea and gestures for him to go outside. He does as she says and leaves the kitchen to the garden outside. Drinking hot strong tea makes him feel a little better as he spots Louis sitting on a swinging garden bench with his own tea and a book. Louis looks relaxed but Harry knows better. He knows that sometimes the casualness is deceptive and someone can strike out when you least expect it. He stands nervously in front of Louis waiting to be acknowledged. Louis finally looks at him standing there, nervous as if he’s waiting for his judgement. Sighing, Louis closes his book and gestures for Harry to come sit next to him. To say he was surprised would be an understatement. He carefully sits with his tea, grateful when Louis stops rocking the swing so he can drink his tea without the urge to vomit.

“Feeling better?”

“A little sir.”

Louis nods but stays quiet as Mary comes out with a small plate of toast for Harry to help settle his stomach. He murmurs his thanks as he takes a slice and starts to nibble on it, content to let the silence flow between them. He manages to finish one slice before his stomach warns him to stop trying to eat more. Putting the plate down on the little table next to the seat, he finishes his tea, unsure of where to start.

“Sir. Louis. What happened last night? What happened to me? I don’t remember much of it but I woke up with bruises on my body and my knuckles are scraped as if I hit something.”

Louis nods, unsurprised. 

“What is the last thing you remember?”

Harry thinks for a moment before replying truthfully.

“I remember you rejecting me and me running. I remember finding a pub? I think it was a pub and that’s when things get blurry.”

“First of all, let’s clear up this rejection nonsense. I did not reject you Harry. We have not yet established any rules of sexual content between us. To have allowed that to happen would have been irresponsible and a violation of trust between us. If I said no, it was not because of anything you did nor was it a rejection of you as a person but rather it goes against everything I am to take advantage of my position as a dom and specifically as your dom. A dom/sub relationship is not just about sex and the sooner you stop thinking of it as such, the easier things will become for you.”

Harry nods but he’s not convinced and Louis can see it. He sighs but he knows Harry has to trust him on his own terms and not because he’s pushing him to talk. Rising from the swing, he picks up Harry’s discarded plate of toast and his own cup of tea.

“Come. We have an appointment soon we can’t miss.”   
“An appointment? Are we going back to the doctor?”

“Not quite Harry. We are going to go see Dr. Malik together and then set up sessions for you.”

“What? Why? Sir?”

“Because Harry, there are far too many issues between us and things you need to learn and come to terms with for this relationship to be successful.”

“Oh. Did your previous subs see Dr. Malik too?”

Louis ponders for a minute how to respond. He valued the privacy and the trust his previous subs had in him and he never discussed their relationship with anyone. What they did, the extent or nature of their relationships were a mystery to everyone because neither Louis nor the subs in question ever spoke to the tabloids or even their own friends and family about what went on during their time together. Still, Harry was looking for some form of reassurance and Louis had to give him that.

“Dr. Malik is a psychiatrist Harry. He specializes in sub and dom relationships specifically with subs who have difficulty adjusting.”

He gets it. Harry nods to show he understands. He’s not stupid regardless of what the world thinks of him. He can read between the lines. He needs to see a shrink because he just didn’t fit the mold of what society wants a sub to be and this shrink was going to attempt to fix him. He blows out a breath and rises, wanting to get this over with.

“Just so you know, he won’t be the first shrink I’ll have seen. Jeff sent me to others but all they did was tell me how horrible I was and how no dom would ever want me because of my behavior.”

Louis looks at him in shock but doesn’t comment. The more he learns, the more the picture gets clear and it’s disturbing to him. This society was structured so that subs were to be protected and cared for by their dominants with punishments given only for serious infractions. The way Harry talked, the roles in his mind were that of master and servant with the dominant having all the power and the submissive being little more than a slave to serve at the masters whim. Just the thought alone was enough to make Louis shudder in disgust. Certainly there were those who abused the power given to them in their roles but overall, it worked because people were harshly punished for their behaviors and treatment of their submissive.

The drive is mostly silent with Louis giving Harry a few reminders. 

“The entrance is private but it’s important we be seen together today. We want to get ahead of the rumors and any possible gossip from the party. There’s nothing major or worrying but it’s better for us if we stay several steps ahead especially of rags like the Daily Mail and other pathetic tabloids like them. After the session, I’m taking you to a late lunch and then I have a surprise for you.”

“Sir? What about my punishment?”

“You mean your discipline? Your mother and sister took care of that already. As for last night, rather than discipline you, I have chosen to take you to Zayn instead. It’s better we start getting a handle on your behaviors and find appropriate outlets for your fears. You’re a runner Harry. I’ve noticed that about you. Rather than face your problems head on, you run from them. It gives you relief temporarily but what about the long term? Eventually, things will get out of hand and then what? What happens next? You can’t run forever love. You’ll find that once you learn how to confront your problems, you’ll be better able to handle a proper relationship with a dom if you so choose. Perhaps you will choose to be unmatched but as long as you learn appropriate public versus private behaviors, no one can question you or your lifestyle.”

When they reach the offices where Zayn has his practice, they park in a private underground garage and step out together. They check in and sit, Harry nervously tapping his fingers on his knees. When the door opens, Zayn steps out.

“Louis. Harry. Welcome. If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you both individually for now. Louis. Care to start?”

“Just wait for me here love. I won’t be long.”

Harry nods and sits back down, his nerves on edge and he is fighting the urge to just get up and leave. He knows that Louis had a point. He does run when things get hard for him. He doesn’t know why he runs, he just knows that it’s his initial reaction to things.

Inside, Louis and both Zayn sit down with Zayn gesturing for Louis to start.

“I’ll be quick because we both know this is about Harry. He was abused Zayn and not by a previous dom because he’s never had one before. His abuse was from someone at the academy.”

He proceeds to give Zayn a recount of what he’s learned, Zayn taking copious notes from Louis’ retelling. He stays silent as Lous details what happened the first time he snuck out, his behavior at the listening party, the comments his friends made about him, his remarks regarding relationships and their society, his offer of oral sex, his habit of running, what Niall learned and what Harry had admitted to in his drunken state. He leaves nothing out as he winds down, noticing the concern on Zayn’s face.

“I’m going to bring Harry in now. I want to go over some things with you both before I talk to Harry.”

He goes to the door of his office and sees Harry still sitting there nervously bouncing his knees.

“Harry? Please come in.”

As Harry enters, he gestures for him to sit anywhere he likes. He prefers to keep his patients comfortable and from what Louis has told him, Harry might take him being told to sit with Louis as yet another form of dominance. Harry sits in a seat away from Louis and Zayn sits back in his. No one makes a comment about his preference to sit separately.

“First things first. I want to make you aware that confidentiality is key here. Whatever you tell me is kept in strictest confidence. Harry, anything you tell me is not repeated to Louis. He may be your dom but unless I have your written permission, anything you tell me stays between us. That’s very important for us to establish. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes Dr. Malik.”

“Good. Louis, you understand that under no circumstances are you to assert your influence or dominance over Harry to get him to speak about our sessions.”

“I would never do that to Harry or to anyone.”

“Good. I want it to be clear between us all that whatever each of you says to me stays in strictest confidence. That being said, I’m going to ask you to step out of the room Louis so that I can speak to Harry.”

“Alright. I’ll be right outside Harry, whenever you’re done.”

He presses a kiss to Harry’s cheek and walks out of the room, the door shutting softly with a quiet click assuring Harry that it’s just him and Zayn.

There’s silence for a while before Harry speaks to Zayn.

“So what are the rules here? You’re a dom. Do the same rules of me kissing your ass and pretending you’re my Lord and Savior apply?”

Zayn sucks in a breath but makes no comment. Harry’s comment alone is enough to assure him that Harry’s opinion of dominants is much lower than even Louis believes.

“I’m neither the Lord nor a Savior. I am a rarity in society Harry. My designation is even rarer than Louis’ as an A rated dom. Didn’t Louis tell you?”

Confused, Harry shakes his head not knowing what on earth Zayn was talking about.

“I’m a Switch Harry.”

Jaw dropping, Harry stares at the beautiful man in front of him. He’d heard of this designation before but it was so rare, most people nowadays believed it to be as real as a mythical creature.

“But...a switch? How?”

“I don’t normally discuss this and only with select people but I’ll tell you so that you can make your own informed decision. A Switch is someone that balances perfectly, straddling the line between being a dominant and a submissive. I can choose to establish a relationship with either a dominant or a submissive as long as I take the opposite role. A switch is not rated because it is impossible to get an accurate result from someone like me. That is also why this is the perfect career path for someone like me. My designation allows me to be neutral offering my patients a balanced view rather than one tainted by a specific role in society. Believe me when I tell you that anything you tell me will be viewed with utmost neutrality.”

Harry still stares in awe at Zayn. He begins to smile, knowing in his heart he finally has found someone he can talk to that will understand and not give him useless pep talks or dismiss him when he has concerns. His smile slowly becomes a laugh, a hysterical laugh before he breaks down sobbing as Zayn quietly offers him tissues but remains silent.

**_40 minutes later…_ **

Harry steps out of Zayn’s office, his curls disheveled and his eyes bright red, tear tracks still evident on his face. Louis stands up, concern washing over him as he looks at Harry and then at Zayn who has a grim look on his face. He knows he can’t ask and he won’t but he knows something happened.

“I’ll see you later this week Harry. Louis, Harry has agreed to have twice weekly sessions with me, every Tuesday and Friday. My secretary will set it up and contact you.”

Nodding, Louis wraps his arm around Harry’s waist and walks with him silently to the car. Rather than his planned surprise for Harry, he just takes them home where he lets Harry get comfortable. Instead of the plans he had for them, Louis adjusts and they have a quiet night at home watching movies Harry likes. They don’t speak. Louis wouldn’t know what to say and he knows better than to initiate conversation until Harry does. Harry begins to feel sleepy so he bids Louis goodnight and goes to his room to get ready for bed. 

Sleep offers no respite. He keeps replaying what he told Zayn in his mind. He’d been afraid Zayn would judge him, be disgusted by him but he’d listened, asked questions and offered comfort when Harry had broken down. He tosses and turns, watching the minutes tick by before he gives up. He really shouldn’t follow his impulses sometimes but he can’t stop himself. He walks to the double doors of Louis’ room and knocks. It’s only moments later when Louis opens his door, surprised to see Harry standing there looking nervous.

“I can’t sleep. I’m afraid.”

Louis nods and opens his door wider in silent invitation. Harry hesitates for a moment before he enters, the door closing softly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait. Did I just leave a cliffhanger? LMAO! Yes. Yes I did because I'm wretched like that. Don't worry. The wait for the next installment won't be long. PROMISE!
> 
> Thank you all for your comments. I try to respond when I can and I truly appreciate all your words and kudos.


	9. The Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry fucks up and this time, Louis isn't inclined to listen. His mistakes are just piling up and Louis isn't sure how much more he can take.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Lou? Wait! Shit! FUCK!”

Harry stumbled as he pushed away the man on his knees and that was giving Harry a blowjob. Or he had been anyway. That man was now sprawled on the floor in shock as Harry tried to pull up his pants and go after one very angry Louis. He rushed out of the restroom of the restaurant where he’d agreed to meet Louis for lunch. He’d arrived early and the attractive dom had been flirting with Harry, assuring him that his dom wouldn’t have to know if they had a quick rendezvous. It had been quite a while for Harry since he’d had any form of sexual action so it had not taken much coaxing to get him to agree. He had not counted on Louis arriving early and noticing Harry slipping into the bathroom with someone else.

“And then what happened Harry?”

Harry looks up, eyes full of tears and absolutely miserable over yet another fuckup in the never ending series of fuck ups in his life.

“I ran out but I couldn’t find Lou. The car and driver he arranged for me were still there waiting for me so I had the driver take me home. It’s been two days and I haven’t seen or heard from Louis. He hasn’t returned or checked in on me. The only communication I’ve had from him has been through Mary. He left explicit instructions that I am not to leave the house except to come see you and I get to go to they gym supervised. I lost all my privileges again and I have been told that he will handle my punishment when he returns from wherever he’s at. He was so angry with me Zayn. I could see it. He only said two words to me but I could see the anger and the disgust in his eyes when he caught me in that bathroom.”

“Why did you do it Harry?”

“I don’t know. It was stupid. I know it was. I knew it was when he was flirting with me but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.”

“Why is that? You keep saying you can’t help yourself but no one controls your actions but you Harry.”

Harry looks down, so tired and so sad over everything. He had been doing so well with Louis. They’d been seen in public more (all staged but still, it counted). They’d attended a book signing of a rather famous sub and he’d been on his best behavior causing Louis to reinstate all his privileges and then some. He’d received his own car and driver and as long as he let Louis know where he was going and gave him notice if he was running late, he was allowed to slowly resume some of the normal aspects of his life. He’d gone to the studio to spend time with his favorite song writer and they’d fine tuned some of the songs he had currently been working on (all inspired by Louis but he had not told anyone that just yet). He’d gone to a radio interview where as he had been instructed, he had refused to answer any questions about his relationship with his dom and would not confirm that Louis was his dom despite pictures of them together were plastered all over the Internet. He’d even gone to a photo shoot and leaked photos had stirred up another storm when his fans (who he often likened to the FBI due to their ability to find out almost anything) realized that in the pictures of Harry, he was wearing a ring with a sunstone that Louis had been seen purchasing a week earlier. All the stories and pictures were doing wonders for Harry’s reputation and his newfound discretion was winning over subs and doms alike. Whereas before he was known to flaunt every detail of every one night stand and relationship he’d had, now he refused to speak of it and had point blank told the interviewer that out of respect for his relationship, he preferred not to speak of that part of his private life and he hoped that could be respected. Even his manner of dressing was being praised. Though still a fan of bright prints and colors, he was often seen in colors and styles that complimented those of his dom and instead of dressing for attention, he dressed in more suitable clothing for what he was doing. He was photographed in casual but classy attire as he picked up coffees and pastries for himself and Louis, appropriate workout attire for his visits to the gym, suits and custom couture tuxedos that complimented what Louis wore when they went out.

All in all, everything had been going smoothly for them until that fateful day. One mistake had taken it all away and all because he couldn’t fucking control his dick.

“Let’s go back to that dom for a moment Harry. Did it occur to you before or after that any dom who blatantly goes after someone else’s sub or attempts to coerce a sub that isn’t theirs into public sex acts is one step shy of being downgraded to a D? It’s one thing to do such things with your own dom and if it’s within your comfort level but it’s another when it’s not your dom. You’re just now engaging in lewd acts in public and it would affect you far worse than him. Everything you and Louis have worked hard for would have been a wasted effort had this gone out. Do you know if it’s leaked?”

“No. Jeff called and I could tell he was furious with me. He found out who the dom was and was cleaning up my mess. He’s always cleaning up my messes.”

“You’re an adult Harry. How many more times is he going to have to clean up after you? How many more times are you going to embarrass Louis before you understand that your actions don’t just affect you?”

There was a downside to having a Switch as your shrink. Zayn could be soothing and a fantastic listener but he was also harsh when needed. As much as Harry hated to hear it, he knew that what Zayn was saying was true. He kept slipping back into his old habits at the first sign of freedom and he said as much to Zayn.

“I think…”

“What do you think Harry?”

“If I tell you this, you promise not to repeat it?”

“As always Harry, anything you say is kept in strictest confidence between us.”

“It’s just. I’ve offered myself to Louis and have made it clear I’d welcome a more physical relationship with him. I’ve made jokes and hinted that my bed is open for him and that I’d like to do more but he either ignores my suggestions and hints or he pats my head and says nothing. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said we needed to let things progress naturally and not rush into anything. But I’m ready!”

“Are you really?”

“What? Yes! Of course I’m ready. I’m not a virgin. I know what sex is and I’d like to have sex with Louis.”

“Harry, why do you want to have sex with Louis?”

“What?”

“Why? Why is it so important that you have sex with Louis?”

“Well, because. That’s what subs and doms do.”

“Who told you that?”

“I learned that at the academy. Subs and doms are meant to have sex. That’s the basis of their relationship. How can Louis and I have one if we don’t have sex.”

“Would you be shocked to know that there are subs and doms in relationships that don’t have sex?”

“There are?”

“Harry, not everything in this society is about sex. People wake up, eat, have jobs, and lives. They have children, formalize their relationships with collars and weddings and they dissolve those unions when things just don’t work out. Sex does not make the relationship. It’s a healthy and normal component of the relationship but it does not define it. I can’t speak for Louis but any respectable dom would always give their subs ample time to acclimate to a new living situation and take things very slow. Your relationship with Louis is unique because of the situation you’re both in. You’re famous as is he though both for very different reasons.”

“You think I’m rushing into things with him.”

“That’s for you to decide.”

“Zayn, I don’t know how to apologize to him. I mean, I can say I’m sorry but what else can I do to show him that I really am sorry and that I want to work hard to prove to him I’m worth it.”

“Again Harry, that’s something only you can answer. Before our session is up, I’m going to give you some homework. I know you keep a journal. I want you to write all this down. Our session today. I think that you’ll find that as you write, things will become more clear to you. When I see you in two days, we can discuss it.”

Nodding, Harry stands and shakes Zayn’s hand to thank him. He leaves and finds his car and driver waiting for him on the street. He knows he won’t get a reply but he dutifully sends a text to Louis as he has been the past two days to alert him of what he’s doing.

Scrolling, he sees the several texts he’s sent but that have been ignored by Lou and winces. He’s not exactly ignoring because he does communicate though he’s doing it via Mary and that bothers Harry. He gets upset because he thinks it’s rather immature but then he accepts that Louis is a master of freezing him out when he’s angry and that’s a very effective for of discipline. Harry hates being ignored and Louis knows this. He figured it out early on in their relationship.

Once home, he retrieves his journal and goes to the study to write his entire session with Zayn. He writes and finds that it’s as therapeutic as both Louis and Zayn had told him it was. He details the incident at the restaurant and his session with Zayn. The unanswered texts and the freeze out. He details how it makes him feel and how sorry he is. In writing, he also starts to realize that he doesn’t really know what sex is.

_Sex has always been a tool for me. My body was not my own at the academy. I was taught and told repeatedly that my body would belong to my dom. I lashed out and tried to take control of my body by becoming promiscuous. I’ve always believed sex was about control but what happens when you offer and you’re denied? Repeatedly. I’ve tried and suggested and all but sent up smoke signals to my dom that I want to have sex but he keeps turning me down. If my body is all I have to offer to show my worth, what else is there when the only thing I’ve got is not accepted?_

The more he writes, the more he begins to see himself a little more clearly. When he finishes, he has an idea but he’s nervous. He tabs the pages he’s been writing the past few days since he last saw Louis. The pages where he’s detailed his thoughts, his feelings of loneliness and abandonment and his session with Zayn. When he’s finished marking the pages carefully, he takes the journal and goes to Louis room and leaves the journal on his nightstand. He doesn’t know when Louis will return but he wants him to see it and read. He wants Louis to understand. He wants Louis to know what he’s thinking and feeling because he can’t find the right words to tell him face to face.

He eats a solitary dinner and bids Mary goodnight when she brings him tea in the evening. He can’t sleep all alone in the house knowing Louis isn’t there and he’s somewhere angry with Harry. He goes to the room Louis had designated for Harry to use as a music room. Louis’ piano was there as was one of Harry’s acoustic guitars. The room opened to the gardens outside but Harry was only interested in the guitar. Gently strumming, he hums a brief tune, sometimes singing out a few words here and there. As the night rolls on, Harry is too focused on his lyrics and the tune of the song he’s writing. He keeps going back and forth between the tune and the lyrics. It’s almost dawn when Harry finally stops. His eyes can barely focus but he thinks he has the bones down to this song. It’s personal and it’s deep and he’s not even sure he would ever be allowed to record it but it’s his and it means the world to him. Placing his guitar back on the stand, he doesn’t bother to put his papers away. He just haphazardly places them on top of the piano and lays down on the sofa and is asleep within minutes.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Louis enters the house shortly after 7 am. He’d been away on business and the time away had given him time to reflect on what to do about Harry. He first wanted to speak to Zayn before making a final decision. He knew something had to be done though. He could not continue to let Harry act this way. Days of good behavior and then a lapse of poor judgment. He expects to see Harry already up and on his way to the gym but instead finds Mary waiting for him.

“He’s asleep in the music room. He never went to bed last night. He wrote in his journal for hours then he started writing what sounded like new music. Such a sad and melancholy tune he kept playing. He fell asleep only a few hours ago in there. I didn’t have the heart to wake him.”

“Thank you Mary. I’ll go wake him. We have things to discuss and things to do today.”

“Of course sir.”

He goes to the room and sees Harry curled up in a small ball, his long limbs not quite fitting on the sofa. He’s in a deep sleep but Louis dismisses the thought that Harry looks adorable as he moves to wake him up. He stops to look at the sheets scattered on the piano and gets immediately distracted. Though not a professional musician, he can read music and knows enough to get the tune of the song as he matches them to the lyrics Harry had written down.

_Meet me in the hallway  
Meet me in the hallway  
I just left your bedroom  
Give me some morphine  
Is there any more to do?_

_Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door  
Hoping you'll come around  
Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor  
Maybe we'll work it out  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
And maybe we'll work it out_

_I walked the streets all day  
Running with the thieves  
'Cause you left me in the hallway  
Give me some more  
Just take the pain away_

He’s not sure why but the song pulls at him. It’s almost like a message to him. He knows Harry is hurting and he hates that he's the reason why. Deciding to let Harry sleep a bit more, he goes to his room to shower and change when he sees Harry’s journal. He wants to ignore it but much like the song Harry had written, he finds that he can’t. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he opens it to the pages Harry had marked and begins to read. As he reads, his heart sinks. It had not occurred to him that while he was thinking he was giving Harry respect by not taking advantage of him, Harry had such a low opinion of himself and only saw himself as a body to be used and Louis rejecting him was making Harry think worse of himself. Shit. He knew he had to talk to Zayn immediately and also talk openly to Harry. Things weren’t getting better. If anything, things were getting worse if Harry thought so poorly of himself. He hears a soft knock on his door and instinctively knows it’s Harry.

“Enter.”

Harry opens his door and stares at Louis with shame filled eyes. He opens his mouth to speak but isn’t given the chance. Louis just stands up and holds Harry, his hold tightening in the hug as Harry breaks down and starts to cry as he keeps whimpering that he’s sorry for disappointing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments on this fic! I know it's a shorter chapter but I wanted to get this out of the way so I can write some more happy times for our boys before I inevitably pull the rug out from under them. Thanks for reading! Your kudos and comments are always greatly appreciated!


	10. The Unexpected Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries. It's really a filler chapter and setting up what happens next. Still, I'll try to give you all a preview.  
> Someone apologizes for their actions and behaviors though it's not who you expect it to be.  
> Louis is still on the hunt for finding out who abused Harry and he finally gets a lead on the identities of the other victims.

One of the nice things about being an independently contracted “fixer” was that he made his own schedule and hours. Though he could easily hire an assistant, Louis much preferred to take care of such details himself. Being his own boss allowed him the freedom to take an entire day and devote it to just being with Harry. There were no paps to worry about, no need to “turn on” their relationship in case they were secretly being filmed and there was no need to talk to anyone outside of their little bubble. 

Mary spent most of the day taking care of errands outside of the house and left a prepared lunch and dinner for them with instructions on how to heat things up correctly. She was aware enough to know that they needed to be alone and gave them the privacy they desired without being asked. 

Louis and Harry were completely alone at home, currently snuggled under the covers of Louis’ bed. Harry was the little spoon with Louis holding him as the younger man slept. A power nap had been needed by both of them after the emotions of the morning. They hadn’t spoken yet. Louis had allowed Harry to cry and apologize before settling him down into bed to rest. Harry slept on and Louis let him. He only slept an hour before waking to find himself spooning Harry. He has so many thoughts running through his head and he’s grateful for his ability to compartmentalize. He needs to think about one issue at a time the first being Harry’s breakdown. 

He’d been doing so well with Zayn but Louis blamed himself for this. He was experienced enough to know that all bratty subs find it difficult to quit their behaviors so quickly and need lots of patience and time for adjustments. He should have realized Harry would have lapsed. His own reaction bothered him to an extreme he had not expected. He had not been angry. Disappointed for sure as well as slightly disgusted but there was something else hidden in there. A feeling he wasn’t able to readily recognize when he’d seen Harry with the other dom. He’d left Harry which was very unlike him. He had not meant to leave Harry but he’d been distracted by a text from Niall urging him to see him asap regarding Harry’s time at the academy. He’d rushed off to see Niall and had then taken his trip to Scotland to see the retired nurse. He’d sent instructions to Mary, not once realizing how his separation from Harry was hurting him. How Harry was feeling abandoned. One particular section of his journal stuck out to Louis more than anything else. One line. That’s all it was. One line and it hurt Louis to read and realize that he too was failing Harry like everyone else before him had.

_“Why am I unworthy of love?”_

Harry believed, he truly believed that no one loved him. He knew and accepted that everyone around him was only there because they were paid to be there. He didn’t believe his mother and sister cared that much for him and rather saw him as an embarrassment to their name. Even amongst his team he felt outcast. He saw himself as a problem child, someone they’d easily ditch and walk away from if it weren’t for the money they were making off of him. Looking back, he realized that Harry had no friends. No real friends anyway. He had hangers on, “squads” and the pathetic D-listers who wanted to hang out with him simply to get their name attached to his and prolong their 15 minutes of fame. Louis had purposely isolated Harry from everyone because he knew how toxic those people were for Harry and it seems Harry was not as unaware as everyone assumed he was. He knew it too and yet he allowed it simply to dull the feelings of loneliness. He made a mental note to ask Zayn if perhaps Harry was suffering from depression and what he could do to help. He feels Harry begin to stir and quiets his own thoughts as he waits for his curly haired sub to fully awaken.

Harry doesn’t want to wake up. He’s warm and having the best dream of his life. The dream has no images but rather scents and sensations which is strange to him. He feels safe and comforted. The spicy scent of Louis and fresh linens make him nuzzle deeper into the pillow before his eyes flutter open and he realizes that he’s in Louis’ bedroom, in his bed and that’s definitely Louis’ arm around him.The arm around him tightens briefly before Louis’ husky voice whispers by his ear.

“Good morning love. Want to turn around and look at me?”

Harry wastes no time in turning his body to face Louis though he’s not looking forward to whatever lecture he may be given. Instead, he receives the shock of his life.

“I’m so sorry Harry. I should not have just left you without a word, without talking to you first. I believed you would be alright while I handled business for a few days and instead I made you feel unwanted.”   
Harry stares at Louis with his mouth slightly open in shock. No one had ever apologized to him like this before. Sincerely and with genuine regret. Most people gave him half-assed non apologies if they even bothered to admit they've done something wrong to Harry. 

“We need to communicate better Harry. I know this lifestyle is still something you’re adapting to and I can’t rush you or push you to do things until you tell me you’re ready. I gave you rewards and then punished you without communicating with you first. That’s a big NO in our society. It happens and we’re all human. No dom or sub is perfect but I should know better. I should not have done that to you. If at any time you feel I am being unfair to you or you need to discuss anything with me, just tell me. I promise to sit and listen to you Harry. If you can’t express yourself the way you want, write it in your journal.”

Harry simply nods as he remembers everything else he’d written in his journal that he allowed Louis to read. His cheeks flush red as he remembers and he wonders if Louis will remember it. It appears Louis does when his arm tightens around Harry’s waist and he presses a soft chaste kiss on Harry’s lips.

“Don’t think I don’t want you Harry. You are beautiful and deserve to be loved in every way possible but I don’t want to take advantage of you. I don’t want you to feel obligated to have a sexual relationship with me just because I have treated you decently. If that does happen with us, it will be mutual and because we both want it and not because you’re using sex as a reward or punishment. That’s not what this is about. Do you understand?”

“Yes Louis. It’s just confusing to me.”

“What’s confusing?”

“At the academy, my lessons were contradictory. My original instructors told me the same things you told me but my senior evaluator was different. He would tell me things and...teach me things that went against everything I’d been taught.”

Louis tries not to show the disgust on his face at the mention of Harry’s senior evaluator. He still did not know the identity of the man but this was the perfect opportunity to to find out more about the man from Harry.

“Harry? Who was your senior evaluator?”

He was mistaken. Harry freezes in his arms, his eyes growing wide before he shakes his head and closes his mouth, fear very evident on him. Louis could kick himself. Zayn had warned him not to press the issue with Harry and he would talk when he was ready but Louis felt this urgency to know. He knows he shouldn’t press but he has to try.

“Do you know who Bear and Tay are? Do those names sound familiar to you?”

He frowns at the sudden confusion on Harry’s face.

“Huh? Why are you asking about them?”

Louis tries not to show excitement when he realizes Harry does know who they are.

“Their names came across my work during my trip which I’ll tell you about later. I was curious as to who they were. Your group of celebrity friends all use rather unusual nicknames Haz.”

Laughing, Harry relaxes in Louis’ arms. He’d much rather talk about mindless celebrity gossip than his time at the academy.

“Bear is a nickname for Liam Payne the model. I’m not sure how he got it to be honest but apparently he’s had that nickname since he was in the academy. He was a year ahead of me I think. And Tay is popstar Taylor Swift. Jeez Lou. Where have you been? She’s like, the biggest thing next to me. She was in the academy long before me. She was gone before I entered but we’ve run into each other, the three of us. Mostly at award shows and other parties like that. Do you want their autographs?”

Louis laughs and though his expression is content and both of them are relaxed, his mind is in a frenzy. So his and Niall’s theory was correct. The man who had abused Harry and the others at the academy singled out those who were already famous or with high potential to be famous. And he confirmed that the man isolated his victims so they were unaware of each other. He took victims who were never in at the same time thus making it more difficult for him to be identified and caught. This brought him back to his trip and he knew he had to tell Harry about it but if Harry had reacted so extremely to being asked about his senior evaluator, he’d surely freak out about what he’d learned. He will not lie to Harry so instead he chooses to not tell Harry just yet.

“I promise I will tell you about my trip and the business I had there but it’s still in the sensitive stage and I would rather not say anything until I know more.”

“Alright. It doesn’t sound like it would be too exciting. When you bring it up, you get this crease between your eyes as if you’re annoyed by it.”

“Annoying is a mild word for what I feel when I think about it. Anyway, do you feel like getting up and eating an early lunch? We can go to the cinema later if you feel up to it. I’m not sure what’s playing but perhaps we just need to get out of the house and be ourselves. Louis and Harry going to eat pizza and to a movie. Nothing fancy and who cares if paps are around or not. We get to be genuine and authentic. What do you say?”   
Harry’s eyes widen as he gives Louis a big smile.

“I’d love it. Let me go shower and change. Maybe later you’ll let me play you some of the songs I’ve been writing?”

“Sure love. Go on. I’ll go downstairs and see what Mary has left us for lunch and heat it up.”

As they go their separate ways, Louis' ever alert mind is already thinking ahead as he shoots off a text to Jeff.

_ <Louis: Harry and I need to be seen. What awards shows or big events are coming up?> _

It only takes a few minutes for a reply.

_ <Jeff: The Met Gala is a few weeks away. Both of you were invited. Wasn’t sure if you’d allow Harry to attend.> _

_ <Louis: Find out if L. Payne and/or T. Swift will be in attendance> _

_ <Jeff: They were invited and both accepted. Why?> _

_ <Louis: Harry and I will be there. Can you get me two more invites?> _

_ <Jeff: Well sure. For you I’m sure they’ll add a few more people. Shoot me their names so I can make sure they’re added to the guest list.> _

_ <Louis: Niall Horan and Zayn Malik> _

_ <Jeff: Got it.> _

_ <Jeff: Wait. Zayn Malik as in Dr. Malik the Switch?> _

_ <Louis: Yes> _

_ <Jeff: Got it. Let me know if you need anything else.> _

_ <Louis: Thank you> _

Louis starts looking in the kitchen and is glad to find that Mary had set out a shepherds pie for them. He spoons out two large servings and heats them up in the microwave while also making tea for them. When Harry comes down, they sit to eat in companionable silence. 

“So…”

Louis looks up at Harry’s hesitant comment.

“Yes? Is something wrong?”

“No. Yes. No. It’s just...are you going to punish me for what happened at the restaurant?”

Sighing, Louis picks up his tea as he ponders how to respond to Harry.

“I think we can establish that I messed up with your punishment there. A punishment is meant to discipline not make a sub feel worse. If that’s what happens then clearly the method of discipline not only failed to work but it made things work. I cannot in good conscience discipline you for something that veered out of control due to mistakes on both our parts. That would be counterproductive. I think that tomorrow we can both talk to Zayn and see how he can help us better communicate with each other. As for the incident, we move forward from there and not rehash those mistakes we made after we’ve talked to Zayn.”

“That sounds fair. Thank you Louis.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s finish eating and then I have news for you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Eat first. Then news.”

Harry eats quickly and cleans up after them, Louis enjoying a second cup of tea as he imagines Harry’s reaction to his news. When Harry joins him again, he sits and waits patiently for Louis to tell him whatever news he has.

“We have another shopping trip to plan for. I’m going to assume you prefer to stick with Gucci.”

Harry’s eyes brighten at the mention of a shopping trip though he doesn’t yet know where they’re going.

“Where are we going? A premiere? Another listening party? Something more low-key?”

“Oh no Harry. This is big. Bigger than that. We are going to attend the Met Gala in New York.”

Louis winces at the shout of joy Harry gives. He knew he’d be thrilled but Harry’s happiness is contagious. He hurls himself at Louis to hug him tight and thank him for the opportunity to prove himself.

“Thank you Louis! Thank you! I promise I’ll make you proud! Can we go shopping tomorrow? We will need to have outfits custom made for this. No one wears just anything to the Met.”

He’s so eager and practically jumping out of his skin as he speaks. Louis doesn’t have the heart to tell him to relax or calm down.

“We have our appointment with Zayn tomorrow but why don’t you call and see if they can squeeze us in tomorrow after lunch for fittings and to help design what you will be wearing. I’ll stick to my usual attire though perhaps with a little color to coordinate with you.”

Harry gives Louis a big kiss on the cheek as Louis returns him his phone. He’s going to call Alexander over at Gucci to get the plans started. He’s thrilled and feels happy. He is grateful Louis is giving him this opportunity and they’re starting over with their relationship. As he goes upstairs, Louis remains downstairs and wonders if he’s making a mistake by taking Harry to somewhere as big and grand as the Met. It was large and he couldn’t keep an eye on him as he normally would which is why he’d kept their outings to smaller locations where he could have an easier handle on Harry should his behavior derail. Taking him to an event such as this meant he was placing a lot of trust in Harry, trust he had not yet earned but Louis wanted to see how Harry would handle himself. It would also give him the opportunity to meet both Liam and Taylor if they attended and see how they interacted with Harry. That reminded him, he should probably let Niall and Zayn know they were being invited. 

He sends them both quick texts and their responses are pretty much what he expected.

_ <Niall: Bloody hell Lou. I have to spend an evening in some ridiculous getup just to try and get close to these two. Only for you.> _

_ <Zayn: I see. We will talk about this tomorrow.> _

Rising, he goes to the window as he hears Harry come down, deep in conversation with someone about a theme and what kind of colors and materials work with that theme. He tunes out briefly as he ponders if he’s doing the right thing. He doesn’t want to ambush the other two but he’s more determined than ever to find out what happened to them and who the bastard was. 


	11. Shades of Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short and I apologize for that. It's setting up events leading up to the Met which will be detailed in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and for all the lovely comments!

Sure the Met was a few weeks away but that didn’t mean it was all idle time. Louis and Harry arrived for their appointment with Zayn right on time. Louis had a niggling suspicion Zayn was less than pleased with Louis at the moment. He would have to explain everything in detail before Zayn decided to just not go. Zayn was not a particularly open person or social. He preferred quiet pursuits such as his art. Publicity and being seen meant little to him. Louis could only imagine the stir it would create if he showed up with his sub and Zayn. The gossip rags would eat it up but Louis could never do that. It was beneath him to use someone for their popularity and reputation just to help establish someone else. He had a specific reason for inviting Zayn and he needed to talk to him about it. He had also arranged with Zayn’s secretary to have this session be slightly longer with a half hour added. As they wait in the private waiting room, Harry is cheerful and scrolling on his phone, responding to texts about the Met gala. Louis smiles as he sees Harry compare colors that look the same to him but Harry insists they’re different.

“Blue is blue love.”

Harry’s gasp of indignation makes Louis laugh as Harry scowls at him.

“I’ll have you know that blue is not blue no matter what you think you uncultured swine.”

Louis raises an eyebrow at the insult then grins at Harry. Who knew it would take fashion, fabrics and color schemes to rile Harry up so easily.

“For your information, light blue, baby blue and powder blue are not the same color. There are subtle differences in the colors if you really look and compare them.”

Louis is spared from having to answer when Zayn’s door opens and he ushers them in. As they sit, Harry silences his phone and gives Zayn a warm smile, his entire body relaxed and he’s radiation happiness. Raising an eyebrow, he sits as Harry and Louis wait for Zayn to lead the session.

“I see you’re very happy today Harry. Is there any reason for this mood?”

“We’re going to the Met Gala in a few weeks! Can you believe it? I’ve been before but I don’t remember much other than I made an ass of myself. I have a chance to go and really show the world I’m not a loser slut who gets drunk and whores around at every engagement.”

To his credit, Zayn keeps his expression neutral at Harry’s statement. 

“I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time but just remember that this isn’t a test Harry. Don’t go there with the expectation that every little thing you say and do is being judged. You’re not hosting and you’re not the guest of honor. You’re a guest which takes a lot of the pressure off. You’ll be with Louis and I’m sure you’ll find other acquaintances and friends there to keep you entertained. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, remember that communication is key. Tell someone you trust implicitly so that they can help you avoid a possible awkward or tense situation.”

Harry nods, his hand unconsciously reaching out for Louis’, an act that Zayn notices but does not comment on just yet. 

“As a matter of fact, after we’re done here, Louis is taking me to Gucci so we can begin the process of having out outfits designed so that we coordinate.”

As he speaks, he gives Zayn a retelling of their disagreement over the color blue making Zayn laugh outright as he sides with Harry much to Louis’ feigned displeasure.

“I look forward to seeing what you select Harry. I’m sure your outfit and the blue you choose won’t disappoint. Now, can you wait outside please? I want to talk to Louis first today and then bring you in.”

“Sure. I need to call Alexander about the fabrics anyway. I’ll keep myself busy in the waiting room.”

When he steps out and the door closes, Zayn’s easy smile fades as he shoots daggers at Louis.

“Is there a reason I’m supposed to attend this gala? You know how I feel about things like this.”

“I know Zayn and I apologize for ambushing you but there’s more happening that I was unaware of.”

“Tell me first and then I’ll decide if this warrants me ignoring my self-imposed exile from splashy events like these to attend with you both.”

“I was in Scotland talking to the former nurse from the academy. She has her lucid days and her off days. I was able to find out that whomever the dom is, he would never take multiple students at the same time. It would seem he’d choose one from each year to have his attention. He never chose students from the same classes or year so there was little chance of interaction. Despite their celebrity, he was successful in isolating them. I was able to confirm that two of his other victims include Liam Payne the model and Taylor Swift the singer. Harry has met them but he doesn’t know them personally. Not really. I suspect they too will be as reluctant as Harry to talk about their time there and who their senior evaluator was.”

“I see…”

“There’s more.”

Zayn waits patiently as he watches Louis struggle to articulate what’s on his mind.

“She wasn’t certain and has no proof but she said that twice she saw this person with an object that is heavily forbidden at the academy. She’s older and she remembers clearly seeing a camera. A Polaroid camera. The kind that takes instant pictures.”

Both of them lapse into silence at the implications of this knowledge. Cameras of all kinds were heavily forbidden at the academy to prevent cheating and illegal pictures being taken of subs and doms during practical training as well as refresher courses especially for those who took classes and training on more risque and kinky fetishes. Phones were checked in at the entrances and only returned when you left after your class or classes were over to assure utmost discretion and privacy. 

“If he was taking pictures of them without their consent…”

“Then he could be saving them or using them for blackmail purposes.”

“Possibly. Or he could be keeping them as trophies. As reminders of what he got away with. Some doms get off on the thrill and rush of not being caught.”

“I don’t think Harry knows this. His memories of his time there are sometimes hazy and the nurse mentioned several times the drink they were given. If Harry and the others were drugged, they’d have no way of knowing what was done to them and if this bastard was taking pictures of them.”

“Christ Louis. How the hell did this happen? There are safeguards in place to ensure the safety of all subs and doms. This bastard managed to do this to the three we know of. Who else is a victim? How many more are there?”

“That’s why I want you at the gala. I was able to find a little of who will be in attendance. Beyond the usual celebrities, there are former adjudicators and senior evaluators as well as the Board of the academy attending. If it is one of them, Harry will likely come in contact with any number of them. I don’t want him unprotected. I figured between myself, you and my friend Niall Horan, one of us would be able to keep an eye on him without being too obvious about it. He doesn’t know Niall which makes him perfect to keep a discreet eye on Harry without being noticed.”

“I don’t normally do these types of things Louis but we were in the academy together, you and I. We both know it could easily have been one of our own instructors. I’ll attend and not only keep an eye on Harry. I’ll also talk to as many of them as I can and see if I can sense anything strange or notice if something is off.”

“Thank you Zayn. You know I’d never ask anything of you if it weren’t important.”

“I know. Finding out who this is and making sure they’re stopped is more important. The emotional and mental stability and health of his victims are priority.”

Nodding, Louis rises to call Harry back in for his own session but is called back by Zayn for one final question.

“One thing Louis. Does Taylor have a dom? Does Liam have a sub?”

Shaking his head, Louis confirms what Zayn’s suspicions are.

“So all three were abused in some form and none have been able to form an attachment or hold a relationship for whatever reason. It could be personal preference but I suspect that like Harry, there’s too much trauma involved for them to think of submitting to someone or dominating someone.”

Harry’s session goes well with him talking about his talk with Louis, his excitement to start over and of course, the Met. Zayn refrains from mentioning to Harry that he too will be in attendance. It would be better if he waits to mention that.

As they leave, Harry and Louis chatter mindlessly about what to do about lunch before their appointment. Rather than stop to eat, Louis arranges for food to be delivered to them at Gucci so they can eat as they peruse the designs.

Louis lets Harry take the lead in choosing his own outfit knowing that it would make Harry happy and he didn’t want to stifle his rather unique and creative wardrobe. His only admonition was to remind them he was wearing all black with perhaps a tie or cravat or some accessory in the same shade of blue Harry would be wearing. Both Harry and the designer laugh and agree as they look through sketchbooks of possible designs.

His phone starts ringing and a big smile lights up Louis’ face.

“If you’ll excuse me? I need to take this call.”

Assured that Harry was in good hands, Louis steps out and enters the private office of the head designer Alexander to take the call.

“Hello? Julien? So wonderful to hear from you!”

The phone call doesn’t last long but Louis is genuinely happy. Julien Bertrand had been his and Zayn’s senior evaluator during their years at the academy. He would be in town at the end of the month and would like to see his former pupil and now friend. Louis could not say no and had a sudden idea. He’d have to run it by Zayn but his former mentor knew everyone who had ever taught at the academy. He might be able to give them more insight or at least provide some help. Satisfied that things were going in the right direction, Louis returns in time to see Harry holding up several blue linens. When Harry smirks at him, Louis bursts into laughter knowing Harry had done this on purpose. He doesn’t stop laughing when Harry and Alexander launch into an explanation on the difference of each of the colors. 

They remain there a few hours with Harry making the bulk of the decisions and Louis adding in a little input here and there. As they leave, Alexander promises to have the new sketches out to them by the end of the week and some samples sent to them for their final decision. Harry and Louis get back in the car, shivering at the sudden breeze and the dark clouds rolling in.

“Oh look. More rain. Shocker.”

Harry’s wry comment causes them both to grin as they go home to enjoy a quiet dinner and music. For a brief moment, things were alright between them and they were genuinely happy. Neither were aware of the storm brewing on the horizon. 


	12. Journaling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in updating. Real life took over. I'm also sorry I delayed the Met gala chapter. I had to get this one down first to set things up but I promise (I hope) it will be worth the wait. I'm editing the gala chapter so the next update should be no more than 2 days from now. Thanks for all the wonderful comments! I appreciate them all.

The weeks leading up to the Met Gala were filled with appointments for fittings of their outfits, sessions with Zayn, outings with Louis, lessons on the history of their society and the dom/sub relationship. Harry had finally settled on a design he liked and the color blue he found to be perfect and Louis had entrusted him to choose an appropriate outfit for him as well. This had taken Harry by surprise but he was thrilled to take on the challenge. He knew Louis preferred monochromatic looks and classic styles but for something like the Met, Harry wanted to add a little something more to his dom’s look without going overboard. Together with Alexander, they had come up with a gorgeous black tuxedo that had a sheen to it and a matching blue shirt to go underneath. It perfectly complemented Harry’s entirely blue outfit. Together, he knew they’d make a striking pair and this would really set the gossips tongues wagging when they saw them together. 

Their personal relationship had flourished away from stress of work and the expectations of society and his own team. The last few weeks had been some of the happiest of Harry’s life and it wasn’t like they’d done anything spectacular. Louis had just let him be. He treated him like he was someone worthwhile. He talked to Harry, they shared opinions about so many different subjects and it was a new experience for Harry to be talked to and not talked at or talked about as if he wasn’t listening. Louis treated him like he had a brain and could think for himself. That was something he had talked about with Zayn. How Louis saw and treated Harry as a human and an equal and not as a piece of ass he could fuck and then walk away without even remembering his name. Now he had new homework for his journal and he fully intended to document it later that afternoon. He was still undecided on showing it to Louis but he thought Lou would appreciate it if he managed to get the courage to leave him his journal.

After the night when he couldn’t sleep and had made his way over to Louis’ bedroom, Harry had not seen fit to return to his own room or bed. The best part was that Louis had not turned him away nor had he made any comments in the negative about Harry being slightly more clingy or possessive towards him. Louis had just calmly accepted it and often reassured Harry in little ways that he wasn’t going to reject him for someone else. Just a few days prior they had attended an intimate book signing for an up and coming author. Harry had never felt the stirrings of jealousy before but seeing other single subs drop subtle and not so subtle hints towards Louis as well as outright flirting with him in front of Harry had pushed him more than he had ever thought possible. Without thinking of the repercussions, Harry had finally snapped at the subs flaunting and throwing themselves towards his dom and had no qualms in letting them know that Louis was taken. He slightly cringed at the memory of him calling them sleazy homewreckers and immoral tarts before a hand had lightly squeezed his neck reminding him that they were in a public place, Louis was right there and had overheard what Harry had said. Thinking he had ruined their evening and perhaps even his chances of going to the gala, Harry had remained silent during the drive home. When they had arrived, Louis had led him to his room and instead of punishing him, had asked Harry if he wanted a bath. That particular memory brought a slight blush to Harry’s face. Louis had reassured Harry that the bath itself was a form of intimacy and his way of giving Harry the reassurance he seemed to need without making it about sex. Harry needed to stop equating intimacy with sex and the bath was the perfect way to accomplish this. The bathtub was huge, more than enough room for both of them to sit on opposite ends but Louis gave Harry the choice to sit next to him, facing him or between his legs so they could talk things out. Harry liked the idea of sitting between Louis’ legs because Louis was fit and because if he wasn’t looking into those beautiful blue eyes, he could express himself without getting flustered. There had been silence between them before Harry had finally sighed and started talking, certain that Louis would listen and hoping he wouldn’t blow off what Harry had to say.

“I felt...I don’t know. Disrespected? Those subs know of my reputation from before but I’ve been working so hard and it felt like they were trying to get me to fail or maybe they thought I’d be the same person and be willing to share you. I know logically you wouldn’t do that but then I remembered that you’re being paid to rehabilitate my image so really, you don’t owe me anything. You’re the dream dom for every sub and everyone seems to think you lowered yourself to be my dom and it hurts. I keep expecting that I’ll let you down but I try not to let myself think negative. It’s just hard when sometimes people decide to be cruel with their side comments about me. I know I deserve them but it feels like that part of my life will always be with me, a dark cloud hanging over my head no matter what happens.”

Louis takes a washcloth and soaks it in the warm water, gently letting the scented water drip over Harry’s skin as he speaks. He listens without interruption as Harry speaks about the day and event in question. He waits patiently until Harry runs out of steam before responding to him.

“I understand that you felt disrespected and possibly threatened Harry. What those subs were doing was wrong and unethical. Some people are flirtatious by nature and there’s nothing wrong with that. Most people know when to draw the line at a mild friendly flirtation. Unfortunately there are those who will outright proposition someone else’s sub or dom simply because they can. It’s the thrill of the chase and the wanting of what someone else has. You handled yourself very well up until you chastised them in your own unique way. While I do not approve of bad language, I cannot punish you or even admonish you because it was an uncomfortable situation for us both. Though admittedly it could have been handled differently and with more tact, you reacted in a manner that is genuine to you. We will of course, work on how to respond to these types of situations in a more appropriate manner but you did what felt right at the time. As for our own personal situation, this is between us Harry.”

Louis shifts and maneuvers them until he’s sitting directly in front of Harry.

“You really need to read the contract and pay better attention to it love. My contract entails teaching you how to behave appropriately as a sub and it also details the rehabilitation of your image. What you didn’t realize or read is where I specifically inserted a clause stating that if a personal relationship with you develops through our time together, it is between us and us alone and not subject to the contract. Do you understand?”

Harry slowly nods as Louis’ words go through his mind.

“So you’re saying that you are open to the possibility of keeping me on as your sub once the contract is up? Us actually having a relationship”

Louis smiles and gives a light laugh.

“Harry, this is all at your pace. An important aspect of a healthy dom/sub relationship is to establish trust. I’ve given you your space as you’ve needed. I have had to reign you in sometimes and discipline as necessary but it was always done with your best interests in mind. Do we have 100% trust between us? No. It’s too soon for that but it is something we are both working on. It takes time and experience to fully commit to someone that way. Why do you think many dom/sub couples take years before they decide to collar? That’s the ultimate commitment between a dom and a sub. To most in this society, a collar is on par with an engagement. It shows complete trust and faith in your partner and a willingness to ensure their happiness above your own. We take things at your pace and never rush just for the sake of a contract. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do. It’s more clear this way. If I have more questions, can I keep asking you?”

“Of course. That’s why I’m here. To help you understand, learn and clarify anything you don’t fully agree with or understand.”

Louis had leaned in to give Harry another small chaste kiss on the lips before suggesting they get out of the rapidly cooling water. Agreeing, Harry has much to contemplate. As always, Louis dedicated time in the evening after dinner for them to spend some time apart. Louis would return phone calls and emails while Harry would check in with his mother, with Jeff and call Alexander about their outfits for the gala. He also used this time to journal his thoughts if he felt like it. It helped sometimes for him to see things more clearly if he could put pen to paper and that evening was no different. He taps the pen against his chin as he tries to find the right words to express himself.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

_ Louis is...different. He doesn’t see me as this whore like the media have painted me out to be. How can this be real? How can this be my life now? Does Louis fully understand that I’m not this innocent virgin? Logically I know he does but my own brain can’t seem to shut off and accept that Louis sees the real me and accepts me for who I am. _

_ I like him.  _

_ He didn’t say he wasn’t open to a relationship with me but I like him. Am I even ready for a relationship? Will he be nice in the beginning and then… _

_ No. Louis isn’t like them. He would never do that to me. I trust him. But I’m also afraid of him. It’s stupid but a small part of me is afraid of Louis and how he would react if he knew. I’ve thought about what Zayn told me. He wants me to write down exactly why I believe I’m unworthy of love then he wants me to write down something to contradict that statement. I think it’s weird but I’m not going to question him. Zayn knows what he’s talking about. _

  1. _I’ve slept around. A lot. / My sexual history does not define me._
  2. _I have a shitty reputation. / Everyone deserves a second chance._
  3. _I hate this society and being forced to be submissive just because of a stupid test. / If every dom was like Lou, society would be better and being submissive wouldn’t be like a scarlet letter around my neck._
  4. _Why am I unworthy of love? / I am worthy. I will love and be loved in return someday. I believe this._



++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Putting down his pen, Harry marks his page and puts his journal away. He wasn’t quite ready to show it to Louis. Perhaps after the gala. Speaking of which, he needed to get some rest. The gala was the next day and it promised to be a night to remember. He goes to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. Remembering his rules, he goes downstairs to where Louis is typing on his computer. He stops when he sees Harry waiting patiently to be acknowledged.

“Is it bedtime already?”

“Yes Louis. I wanted to wish you a good night.”

“Let me close things down here and I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

Nodding, Harry returns to their now shared room and smiles. He likes sharing a bed with Louis. Nothing sexual has happened and he’s starting to think it’s because as Louis said. Intimacy does not mean sex. They've seen each other naked now a few times. They’ve shared a bath. They sleep in the same bed each night now. Louis likes to spoon Harry and Harry loves being spooned by Louis. Neither have made the move to try and move forward with their relationship but Harry doesn’t mind. Louis had said it several times and even Zayn had commented before that time is his friend and he needs to relax and not rush into things like he was so used to doing. He could certainly do that. Louis enters the bedroom and goes straight to the bathroom to prepare for bed. When he returns, he turns off the lamp and Harry immediately turns so they can have their usual nighttime talk, him using Louis’ chest as a pillow and Louis running his hand over Harry’s curls or back. It’s comforting and it helps ease him into sleep. This time though, they don’t talk. Harry is content, his mind on the gala the next day and Louis is thinking of the best approach to getting Taylor and Liam to talk to him. Harry’s breathing evens out alerting him that he’s fast asleep. Knowing the next day would be chaotic, Louis shuts his own thoughts off and goes to sleep.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Louis had arranged for a couples massage at home to get them both relaxed before the evening and Harry’s groans of appreciation amused him. He had also indulged Harry in a facial, a manicure and pedicure because he knew Harry loved being pampered. For his part, Harry was in heaven. Each element only added to his excitement and when the stylists arrived to do their hair and add some glamorous touches to Harry’s face for the evening, his smile just deepened the dimples on his cheeks. Even Louis had to admit that Harry’s happiness was contagious. He was enthusiastic about an event he’d been to before but was acting like it was his first time. He supposed that in a way, it was. This was the new Harry. They weren’t just going to cause speculation. This was their first official outing as a couple where they would actually talk to the press and confirm that Harry was in fact the sub of Louis Tomlinson. 

Harry had insisted he dress separately so that Louis would not see him prior to them leaving and Louis had agreed. Little things like this meant so much to Harry and it made Louis realize that he was starved for attention, for positive affirmation and for someone to care. It hurt him to know that no one had ever bothered to be there for Harry but he was determined that things would change for him. Louis puts on his black shiny tuxedo, amused at the blue shirt. Knowing Harry, the shirt actually had a color name that was odd but Louis couldn’t complain. It matched his eyes which was unusual but Harry did have a knack for fashion so who was he to criticize. He waits at the bottom of the stairs giving nighttime instructions to Mary when Harry descends. Both of them smile. Harry was a vision. He was dressed in head to toe blue. It should look bizarre but on Harry, it worked. A blue metallic shirt that was somewhat see through, the top buttons undone to show off his tattoos. Matching suspenders and trousers with 8 buttons going down two neat rows. It was a rather elegant, flamboyant and 100% Harry look that would perfectly compliment his own outfit. 

“You look stunning.”

Harry smiles as he walks up to Louis, fixing something on Louis’ tuxedo before leaning in to whisper softly in his ear.

“It’s Louis Blue, in case you were wondering.”

Outright laughing at his cheeky sub, Louis can only shake his head and offers his arm to Harry.

Together, they walk out of the house and to the waiting car. The Met Gala would soon begin.


	13. The Met Gala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At long last, the Met Gala has arrived where secrets will be revealed and Harry's life will be impacted and changed forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the tags as this chapter has some triggering moments.
> 
> I also deeply apologize for taking so long to update. The past week has been insane with work and then the election left me unable to concentrate much. Now I'm focused and ready to continue this story. I hope you guys don't hate me too much for this chapter.

The ride to the Met was smooth. Harry was nervous and excited. He was a bundle of nervous energy. Louis had to place a hand on Harry’s leg to calm him down as they could see the line of cars and people in the distance. Everyone who was anyone would be here. Press and paparazzi would line the sides of the steps to take endless pictures of them. 

“You’ll be fine love. Just relax, smile and remember you’re with me and I’m with you yeah? Don’t let them get to you.”

Louis gives Harry’s hand a squeeze and a small chaste kiss on the lips as their car pulls up to where the large red carpet looms. Already they could see the blinding flash of cameras as a valet stepped up to their door to let them out. The theme that year was Fashion: Traditional Elegance meets Modern Couture. Though Louis seldom paid much attention to fashion, preferring to stick to simple and timeless looks from a handful of designers, Harry was well versed and had been quite thoughtful in the outfits he had designed for them. Louis was the very embodiment of a timeless classic look. His overall look spoke of an era gone by that very few could pull off and still remain flawless. Harry himself had decided to showcase the modern edge to high fashion with his blue ensemble. Separately, the men and their outfits were unique and worth admiring. Together, they were simply stunning. A true complement to the other. Harry clung to this thought as the door opened and Louis stepped out first. As flashes of lights went off from cameras, Louis turned to give his hand to Harry as he too stepped out of the car. Both men just looked at each other for a moment, smiling and forgetting the masses of people vying for their attention and the screams of fans who saw them on the large monitors placed around the venue so that the fans in lines could see the attendees. The both finally turn to look at and smile, giving small waves to the press as they begin to make their way inside, stopping every once in a while for a picture opportunity. With every step they take they can hear the shouts of the media calling to them for a quick interview. Though they both smile and wave, they don’t stop to talk to anyone. 

“I feel like we’re on display in a strange theater play.”

“We are. Except we’re not following anyone’s script but our own.”

Louis leans in and gives Harry another soft kiss sending the crowd screaming and buzzing as they catch it all and immediately start posting their pictures and videos online. Clearly caught was the blush that graced Harry’s face as Louis keeps one hand in his and the other on his neck. A clear sign that this was his sub and he was proud of him. Harry’s smile widened as he stared at Louis for a moment before softly whispering, “Thank you Lou.” to him. Louis took Harry’s hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to his fingertips, a public sign of affection from dom to sub. To those around them, speculation ran rampant that perhaps the relationship was more serious than anyone had believed if they’re showing signs they’re in love in such a public place. Placing his hand on Harry’s waist, Louis continues to guide him into the venue until they’re inside. No press was allowed inside giving the guests the freedom to relax and interact with one another without worry that details of what went on inside would leak. Phones and cameras were strictly forbidden and this was reinforced with the use of discreet scanners and metal detectors to assure their patrons that what happened at the Met, stayed at the Met.

It’s only a few minutes later that Zayn silently appears at their side, looking devastatingly handsome and aloof.

“I see you went with the mysterious look tonight.”

Louis jokes with Zayn as they shake hands. Harry waits to be acknowledged before speaking, a rule he hated. Lucky for him, Zayn cared little for such formalities between himself and subs.

“Harry, it’s wonderful to see you. Don’t wait for permission to speak to me. If you have something to say, by all means. Express yourself.”

“I was just going to say you look wonderful.”

And he did. Rather than go with a classic look or a modern edgy look, Zayn wore a classic cut tuxedo in bold red. He was certainly eye-catching and there were many doms and subs sending looks his way, hoping that the famously reserved and stunning switch would give them the time of day. As it was, he seemed content to only speak to the A rated dom and his new sub. 

“LOUIS!”

All three men turn to look just in time to see Niall walking towards them. Dressed in an interesting ensemble in purple velvet, Niall certainly had an interesting take on the theme. Still, he pulled off the look and it worked for him.

“Niall, allow me to introduce to you to another friend Zayn Malik and my sub, Harry Styles.”

To his credit, Niall was great about pretending he knew next to nothing about Harry as he shook hands with them and they engaged in small talk. Harry didn’t notice that every once in a while, Zayn or Louis or Niall would casually look around. To anyone else it would look as if they were people watching but they knew what they were looking for. Harry was too distracted by the glamour and just the fun atmosphere and of course, being there with Louis to notice any tension among the men. Waiters walked around with trays of different beverages and champagne. They had discussed it beforehand and Harry had decided to stick to non-alcoholic beverages during the gala. Though Louis had given him permission to enjoy a few cocktails, Harry wanted to prove he could get through this without alcohol. He wanted to show he was a good sub for Louis. Though most proceedings stayed private, everyone knew that a few details would leak about the event, usually from the parties involved to help paint themselves in a good light. That was the angle Jeff wanted for Harry. He planned to leak a few stories about Louis and Harry at the Met that would show them as the IT couple and further cement Harry’s rapidly improving reputation.

“Well gentleman, I see a few friends I want to say hello to. I’ll see you all at dinner? I noticed we are all sitting at the same table.”

“Of course. Enjoy yourself Zayn.”

With that he walked away, Niall shortly followed claiming he wanted to find the waiters with the appetizers and he needed something stronger than a frothy pink drink to satisfy him.

Louis and Harry remained together, mingling with other celebrities, models, athletes, CEO’s and politicians. The more they mingled, the more Harry started thinking. Harry received many compliments from other doms and subs, one going so far as to say the stories and rumors about him must be complete fabrications from the tabloids. Harry was nothing like what she had heard and expected. When the lights changed, a clear sign that dinner was about to be served, they walked back together to their table.

“Something on your mind love?”

“No. Well, yes.”

“Is it something you want to discuss right now or is this a conversation for later?”

“It’s not bad. It’s just I used to always have this high opinion of myself. I used to think I didn’t need any of this. The compliments and the validation of anyone really. I didn’t need their approval to make me happy. I thought I was happy before but I wasn’t. Not really. This though? I mean, I still don’t need their approval or their kind words to me and about me but it makes me feel good. Does that make sense? They’re not complimenting me for being a good sub. They’re complimenting me for being me. They’re seeing a side of me even I didn’t know existed and it’s flattering. It makes me happy.”

“I understand Harry. What you were before? The things you did? That no longer matters. What matters is that you have learned from those mistakes and you are working hard to change. You’re not changing who you are. You’re finally allowing yourself to be free and to let the real Harry shine through. This is the real Harry Styles. Before, you played up to a reputation. Now, you’re being true to yourself and I couldn’t be prouder.”

“I have you to thank for this.”

“No Harry. This isn’t because of me. I am guiding you and instructing you on the structure, rules and boundaries of our society but it is you who is responsible for discovering who you truly are. You’re finding your self worth and that’s extremely valuable and important. You have only yourself to thank for that.”

No other words are spoken as they reach their table. Niall is already there talking to a famous Victoria Secret model and sub, Alexina Graham. Her dom is speaking to Zayn seated on their other side. Others at their table include Jeff and his wife along with a famous opera singer, her sub and a newly single older dom who was the epitome of a distinguished English gentleman.

Their conversations flowed as their dinner was served. Harry spent some time talking to the opera singer, discussing mishaps from shows, their favorite places to visit when on tour and of course, the strange stories that happen when you’re on the road. He engaged her sub in the conversation and it was enjoyable to listen to his perspective being the partner and having to witness the strangeness of their chosen professions. Louis looks over at Zayn and sees him shake his head subtly, Niall mirroring the movement at his inquiring look. None of them had been able to see Taylor or Liam. The venue was large and it was difficult to find someone if you didn’t know where they were sitting so they’d have to start discreetly inquiring as to their whereabouts. Once the dinner was over, they turned to the stage for the entertainment of the night. The lights dim as the familiar strains of a song begin. Harry sits up straight, grinning in excitement as he leans over to whisper loudly to Louis.

“It’s Taylor! She’s performing! It must have been a secret engagement.”

Everyone begins to applaud as Taylor comes out and begins to perform, Louis, Niall and Zayn becoming suddenly alert. Everyone else at their table enjoys her set and clap loudly in appreciation when she finishes. Before they can say anything, Harry leans over and is excited to invite them to meet her.

“Do you want to meet Taylor? I can get us backstage right now before she either comes out to the gala or she leaves.”

Louis looks momentarily surprised before composing himself.

“I would love to. Would it be alright if Niall and Zayn also meet her?”

“Of course! Come on. People are starting to leave their seats for more drinking and dancing. Let’s go now before it gets too crowded.”

They excuse themselves and start making their way to the side of the stage, Harry’s name allowing them all to go backstage to meet Taylor Swift. They’re led to her designated dressing room. Her assistant is waiting by her door and knocks once before opening the door to let them in. Standing by a dressing table stands Taylor, a big smile on her face as she looks at Harry. Walking up to him, she folds him into a hug, warmth emanating from her as she welcomes them all in.

“Harry! It’s wonderful to see you again. It’s been too long!”

“It really has been. Allow me to introduce you to a few people. This is my dom, Louis Tomlinson. A friend Niall Horan and this is Zayn Malik.”

The first thing the men notice is how she briefly stiffens when Harry introduces Louis as his dom before she schools her features back into a very polite expression. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all. I hope you enjoyed the show.”

With their assurances that they had, they exchange a few pleasantries before excusing themselves and allow her to change out.

“Will you be joining us for the party?”

Taylor hesitates, her gaze intense as she stares at Harry.

“I wasn’t planning on it but I think I’ll make a cameo. It wouldn’t hurt to have a drink or two and see a few old friends.”

“That’s great! It was good to see you again Taylor. Let’s keep in touch.”

As they leave, Zayn turns around to see Taylor standing with a lost expression on her face, her fists clenched tightly as she seemingly is lost in thought. 

When they return to the ballroom, the party is well under way. Zayn and Niall take their leave, each with the same purpose of finding Liam and seeing what they can find out. Harry walks with Louis, both greeting and smiling at acquaintances and stopping to talk and mingle with a few. As promised, Harry sticks to water, fully aware that he’s enjoying the party while sober. It was different than the times he’d attended drunk, reeking of sex and sometimes high. The experience was new for Harry and he truly appreciated being able to get a second chance.

“Louis?”

Both men turn at the sound of someone else’s voice. An older gentleman is walking towards them, rather distinguished in his top hat and tails.

“Dr. Bertrand!”

“None of that Louis. Call me Julien. How many times have I told you this?”

Laughing, Harry turns to Harry to introduce his former mentor to him.

“Harry Styles, I’d like to present to you my mentor and my senior evaluator from the academy, Dr. Julien Bertrand. I owe everything I am to his dedicated and tireless instruction and care.”

“It’s an honor to meet you sir. Your name was always highly spoken of when I was in the academy.”

“Oh none of that. I was merely doing my duty. Louis here is to be commended for his dedication to our society and knowledge of the rules. I merely helped him sharpen the natural gifts for leadership, domination and care he always had.”

Louis and Julien fall into easy small talk before Zayn joins them, the normally reserved switch lighting up and smiling at his former member. It’s a rather joyous reunion for the men as they continue to talk leaving Harry somewhat feeling left out. He glances around the room and catches the eye of Taylor Swift. She was standing a bit away, her face set in stone as she subtly nudges her head in the direction of where the stage is at. Confused, Harry continues to look as she turns and walks away. It takes him a split second to realize she wants him to follow her. He hates to interrupt his dom but something about the way Taylor looked at him was making him nervous. He didn’t know why but he knew he needed to explore it further. He was fortunate that Louis had taught him a gesture to gain his attention without causing undue attention or interruptions to the men. He casually places his hand on Louis' forearm and gives it a light squeeze, a signal to his dom that he needs to speak to him. He’s relieved when only seconds later, Louis turns to him with a question in his eyes. In that split second, Harry makes the decision to lie to his dom. It was another one of those moments of clarity where he knew if he told Louis the truth, Louis would not allow him to go see Taylor.

“I need to go to the loo.”

“Oh, of course love. Go on. We’ll still be here. There may be a bit of a line though. These events never have enough loos.”

Harry excuses himself from the group and goes in the direction of the loo, certain he’s being watched. When he reaches them, he turns around and is satisfied that the crowd has swallowed up his group. He makes an abrupt turn and rushes back to the stage, looking around for Taylor. He doesn’t find her.

“Taylor?”

He calls out in a quiet voice, certain she would be able to hear him but there’s still silence.

“Taylor?”

His voice gets louder as he moves towards where her dressing room is at. Opening the door, he sees she’s standing there chugging from a bottle of vodka and shaking.

“Are you alright?”

“Fuck it all Harry. He’s here.”

“What? Who?”

“He’s fucking here Harry! We need to leave. Now!”

“Taylor? Who or what are you talking about? Who’s here?”

Taylor stares at him for a moment, scanning his face and his eyes to determine if he’s lying or pretending he doesn’t remember. It’s a long minute before she makes her determination. With speed he never expected, Taylor slaps him hard.

“Wake the fuck up Harry! You couldn’t have forgotten already. That fucker that tortured us, abused us and raped us from the academy is here. You couldn’t have forgotten already. For fucks sake Harry! You need to remember! You were his favorite!”

Harry is frozen as she puts down the vodka bottle, grabbing her coat and purse.

“Whatever Harry. I hope for your sake you remember because he definitely remembers you. I heard he’s been making inquiries about you and your new dom. If I were a betting woman, I’d say he’s worried what you’ll tell your dom. You’re a fucking threat Harry. We all are. Watch your back. Tell your dom something. Tell him you’re sick and need to leave. Just go!”

Taylor rushes out of the room with Harry still frozen in shock. His memories of his time were always fuzzy. He associated feelings with his time at the academy. Negative feelings but her words were hammering into his skull. As he stands there, those same hazy memories begin to surface, memories of things he’d forgotten for a reason. He remembers hands gripping him hard, the grunts of someone in his ear as he tried desperately to forget what was happening to him. He remembers the feelings of being sick before, during and after. Being forced to drink something that made him question if what had happened was a dream or not. Whispered words in his ear while hands choked him, all while telling him that a good sub needs to learn to take it rough and since he was a bad sub, he needed to be punished often. Desperate to try and stem the flood of memories, Harry picks up the bottle of vodka and starts to drink it as if it were water. It burned his throat but he didn’t care. His chugging was only broken by his sobs as he slid down to the floor, grieving for himself and for Taylor and for anyone else who was broken like they were. He lost track of time. He just kept drinking, hoping to forget. By the time the bottle is almost empty, he’s dimly aware that Louis is probably frantic looking for him. That isn’t enough to get him to move. He slams the bottle down, breaking it on the tile floor. He watches with bleary swollen eyes as the remaining liquid trickles around him, the jagged edges of the glass sparkling brilliantly before his eyes. Rising and stumbling, Harry makes his way out of the dressing room. He doesn’t want to see anyone. He wants to get out of there. He’s desperate to get out of there. 

“Harry?”

Turning around, he looks into the eyes of Alexina. She sure was beautiful. Moving closer, Harry gives her what he thinks is a brilliant smile. Her concern for him has her move closer until she reaches him.

“Why don’t you stay here Harry. I’ll go find Louis.”

As she turns, Harry turns to grab her wrist to stop her from going to get Louis but he stumbles and falls causing her to fall beneath him. Her pained scream as his much heavier body lands on hers gets the attention of the security there. When security arrives, they see her crumpled on the floor crying and Harry somewhat sitting with his head in his hands.

“Harry?”

Looking up, Harry recognizes he’s in trouble. Standing there with security are Louis, Zayn and Alexina’s dom. Rather than trying to explain what happened, Harry begins to vomit on the floor before passing out.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The soft murmur of voices wake Harry. Looking around, he realizes he’s in his bedroom. HIS bedroom. Not the room he shares with Louis and not the guest room at Louis’ home. It’s his bedroom in his home in London. He hasn’t been here for months. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’d last been here. Months at least. Sitting up, Harry notices Louis and Jeff standing by the foot of his bed. A moment later, Zayn walks in. All three men wear grim expressions on their faces.

“What’s wrong?”

He tries to speak but his voice comes out raspy, his throat on fire. All three men share a look before Jeff speaks up.

“After the incident at the Met, you were taken to the hospital and had your stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning. We brought you back home after you were released. As far as the media, Alexina and her dom are concerned, you experienced a severe allergic reaction after eating something that contained peanuts and collapsed at the Met. That’s the best story we could come up with to ensure the damage was limited.”

Harry’s already pale face gets even whiter as he remembers what happened and the cause of his reaction. Before he can say anything else, Louis begins to speak.

“Based on your behavior Harry and after much reflection, I think it best we terminate our relationship and our contract. I hold no ill will towards you but it’s clear you prefer to keep relapsing into your former lifestyle and do not want to change. That is fine with me but I will not be associated with these behavior patterns any longer.”

Harry’s eyes widen in shock, his mind struggling to accept what was happening to him. Zayn takes a seat on the edge of the bed and looks at Harry’s pale form.

“Is there anything you’d like to say to us Harry. Anything about that night and why you got so drunk you ended up with alcohol poisoning. Why you attacked someone’s sub. Please talk to us Harry.”

No. He can’t. Harry can’t talk about it. It’s too humiliating and he doesn’t remember everything. He also doesn’t want to throw Taylor under the bus. He just can’t. That’s best left in the past. Shaking his head, Harry’s shoulders slump as he looks down at the pattern of his comforter. He doesn’t look up when he hears the men leave his room or the click of his door assuring him they’ve left him all alone. Curling up on his side, Harry begins to weep at the realization his life has fallen apart at the seams and there’s nothing he can do to fix it. 


	14. Exile

The three men leave Harry’s home but stand outside the door. Jeff looks grim, Louis’ expression is unreadable and Zayn is livid.

“What the fuck was that?”

Zane was absolutely furious with Louis.

”After everything that’s happened. After everything you’ve gone through with him and what you know, this is what you do? This is how you treat Harry? He trusted you Louis! Why would you turn your back on him like this?”

“I didn’t turn my back on him. We had a contract. This isn’t the first time he’s violated the terms of it. I’ve tried Zayn. I’ve worked hard with him and despite the breakthroughs he has been making, he keeps sliding back into old habits the minute temptation gets in front of him. He doesn’t need a dom. He needs rehab.”

“You are unbelievable Louis. You see him as a contract but it never occurred to you, to either of you that Harry would not have done this without reason. Instead of finding out what happened, you just wash your hands of him and keep your spotless reputation intact.”

“My reputation has nothing to do with it. Don’t you dare put words in my mouth Zayn. I care for him which is why I suggest he focus on his alcoholism and go to rehab. Only once he’s clean should he be thinking of having a dom.”

“When did you become the expert on the behaviors of subs hmm? Having an A rating doesn’t mean you understand the psyche of a human and apparently it means having little to no humanity or compassion for someone that’s suffering. You two should go. I’ll take care of Harry. Go figure out how to handle your client in a way that won’t reflect poorly on your reputation or your ability to make money off of him. I’ll take care of his health and mental state. Assholes. For the record, he drank to cope. He never drank to purposely screw things up. There’s a difference.”

With those words, Zayn reenters Harry’s home, locking the door to ensure neither Jeff or Louis try to return. He takes deep cleansing breaths before looking for the kitchen to make Harry some tea. He rarely had consultations at the homes of clients but for Harry, he knew this would be the best solution for the time being. Harry needed to be away from the spotlight; he needed to have privacy though Zayn was not sure how long it would last or what Jeff and Louis planned. His priority was Harry’s well-being. Once the tea was done steeping, he carried it to Harry’s bedroom where he found a silently crying Harry curled up in a little ball, his eyes swollen from his tears. He opens his eyes when he hears someone come in, for a brief moment he thought it would be Louis but it wasn’t. He’s not disappointed though that it’s Zayn who has returned.

“Hey.”

“Here. Sit up and drink this Harry.”

Harry obeys, moving slowly as his stomach still feels tender and his throat is on fire. He takes the tea with shaky hands and sips slowly, not wanting to upset his stomach or his shaky equilibrium. It’s only when he’s finished and Zayn takes the cup from him that he can lean back on his pillows and looks shame faced at Zayn as he waits for the inevitable lecture.

Instead, Zayn drags over and gets comfortable on a cushioned chair in Harry’s bedroom and sits close to Harry. He links his hands together, his face full of compassion as he regards Harry’s pale face and defeated expression.

“What happened Harry?”

He’s so tempted to lie. Tempted to blow it off as just him having one too many drinks but he’s also tired. Tired of the burden of his secrets constantly affecting every decision he makes. The looming shadow of pain, misery and regret always hovering like a spectre in his life. He’s exhausted from hiding the truth. So he tells Zayn everything. For hours, Harry tells Zayn everything that happened at the gala and his own memories from his time at the academy. He admits his memories from his final year were jumbled, almost as if he watched them through a fog because of the drugs that were likely given to him to affect his memory rendering him incapable of providing proof or even being able to be a reliable and credible witness to his own abuse. To his credit, Zayn manages to stay neutral even though his own emotions were veering from feeling sick to being angry and then the shock when Harry lets slip the name of his senior evaluator. His own thoughts are racing at the revelation of the name of someone he knows. Someone Louis knows. Someone they both trusted and respected. He can’t dwell on it much though. Harry is looking at him, his eyes so sad and heartbroken. He continues speaking about the events and his own turmoil at having suddenly been dumped by Louis.

“He just looked at me like I was nothing. Like I meant nothing to him. I know we had a contract but I...maybe it’s stupid but I thought he cared for me. Maybe just a little. He’d give me little kisses and call me love and let me sleep in his bed though we never had any sexual contact. I still thought…”

Harry shrugs, deflating at his realization that perhaps this was standard dom behavior that didn’t really mean much. Maybe that’s why Louis rejected him so many times. He didn’t have feelings for Harry. At least not in the romantic sense.

A sudden thought occurs to Zayn.

“Harry, are you in love with Louis?”

“No. I wouldn’t know what love is anyway. No one’s ever loved me before but…”

He bites his lip, mulling over his thoughts and how to articulate them well before he continues.

“I like him. I like him a lot. I like how he makes me feel about myself when I succeed at something. I like how he’d tell me he was proud of me. Often it wasn’t obvious things that could be publicized. It was little things like what I journaled, insights into our conversations. He once said I picked his brain and forced him to think and defend his opinions on some matters because I was often on the other side of the spectrum with my opinions. I really like him. Except none of that matters now does it.”

“It always matters Harry. Your opinions and feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s and they always matter.”

“What happens now?”

“You lay low. Stay at home since you’re recovering anyway. We will continue our sessions but I will come to you. I don’t want you leaving your home anytime soon. I have no right to ask this of you but for your own sanity, avoid all social media and television gossip shows and entertainment news. If it pops up, change the channel or turn off the telly. Continue with yoga, write, binge watch shows you’ve neglected, cook. Just keep yourself busy and out of the limelight. I will talk to Jeff on your behalf if you want me to. I really don’t think now is the best time for you to be making decisions of any kind in regards to your contract and relationship with Louis. Can you trust me to be your advocate Harry? I promise you. I will not make a single decision on your behalf without talking it over with you first.”

Harry stares at Zayn for a long moment. He trusted Zayn and was probably the only person he felt he could trust anymore. The other was Louis but Louis had abandoned him without a backwards glance whereas Zayn had stayed behind.

“I trust you. You talk to them for me? So I don’t have to. I’m afraid that talking to them and getting their reprimands and disappointed and disapproving looks will only break me right now.”

“Of course. I need to get going but you have my number. I took the liberty of putting my personal number in your contacts. If at any time you need to talk, call me. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is. You call me and I’ll always pick up unless I’m in session but I’ll return your call promptly.”

Harry thanks Zayn and watches him leave. He moves slowly to get out of bed. He wants to lock up, set his alarm and take a hot shower. Only then will he feel slightly better and perhaps start to pick up the pieces of his life.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The days go by slowly. Harry does as Zayn has asked of him and refused to look up any and all social media. He wasn’t ignorant though. Zayn had been acting as his intermediary for the time being until he felt strong enough to deal with Jeff. Zayn had told him that for the time being, the world still believed he was Louis’ sub. Lou himself had seemed to have gone underground much like Harry had. Being a private person by nature, the media just assumed Louis and Harry were somewhere on vacation, somewhere private where Harry could recover from his sickness. Zayn never offered any personal information on Louis and Harry didn’t ask. He preferred to think that perhaps Lou was just as sad as he was. During his self-imposed exile, he threw out all forms of alcohol from his home. The expensive bottles of wine and champagne he boxed up and sent off as gifts to acquaintances and people he had met who had put up with him during the low points of his life. Each bottle had a personal note from Harry thanking them for all their hard work and he had apologized to each for his horrid behavior. He had told Zayn he wanted and needed to do this. A form of atonement for the things he’d done in the past. That was the only way he could feel better about moving on with his future. 

It’s a week later when he gets a surprise visitor. When he sees who’s at the gate, his mouth opens in silent surprise but he buzzes the car in and immediately sends a text to Zayn. It’s seconds later that Zayn calls him back.

“Zayn?”

“Calm down Harry. I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

Harry paces nervously, his fingers playing with his rings as he anxiously awaits the arrival of his guest. When the doorbell rings, he moves to open it and gives a weak smile to Taylor Swift.

“Hey.”

“Hi Harry. Ummm...can I come in?”

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. Please.”

She enters, looking just as jittery as he is. Neither speak as they walk in, Harry gesturing to the couches.

“Ummm...can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Water? I may have a few soft drinks, I’d have to check.”

“Water?”

“Sure. Let me get it for you.”

Harry walks slowly to the kitchen, movements slow both because his thoughts are going in so many different directions and also because he wants to kill time until Zayn arrives. He’d learned his lesson the hard way and though Zayn was not his dom, he was his therapist. Harry had become slightly more self-aware to realize that speaking to her alone was not in his best interest. He pours her a glass of water and walks back to her, his mind on just keeping things to small talk but he also needed to be honest.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you.”

He lets her drink for a moment before he speaks.

“I should warn you. My therapist is on his way over right now.”

“Oh. Was this a bad time? I can come back another time.”

“No. No, it’s just. I called him. I’m working hard on bettering myself on my own terms and well. He was with me when I collapsed at the Met. I told him everything. About what happened to me.”

Taylor pales, her hands clenching her purse as the realization of what Harry has done hits her.

“Oh God Harry. What did you do?”

“I can’t live with that fear anymore Taylor. A part of me was stripped away and taken from me. I’ve let that bastard have power over me for years but no longer. I want to be strong. I want to be strong so that I can someday confront him and stop him from doing to others what he did to us.”

The doorbell rings before she can reply. Both of them stand and she stares at Harry as he goes to the door to open it. Within moments, she relaxes when she sees Zayn with Harry.

“I didn’t realize your therapist was Dr. Malik.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet your Taylor though I wish it was under better circumstances.”

“Can I get you something to drink Zayn?”

“No, I’m fine Harry. Thank you.”

“What brings you to see Harry? I know it’s unorthodox for me to be here but…”

“No, I understand. Harry explained it to me and it’s alright. I actually came to apologize to Harry for my role in what happened. When the media outlets reported he had collapsed, I knew the official story wasn’t the truth. I knew it had something to do with me and what I had told him. I’ve felt guilty since then. I didn’t mean for things to escalate that way for you.”

“It’s alright Taylor. I’m not angry. If anything, it forced me to finally open my eyes to what happened to me so that I can begin to heal.”

They sat together and talked for the better part of an hour, talking over what had happened. Taylor didn’t open up much about her own experiences and they avoided talking about what had happened. Mostly they discussed their own time at the academy before the events. They talked about the Met gala and Taylor did open up enough to tell Zayn about how she had spotted the villain in their story after her performance. 

“I’ve managed to avoid seeing that bastard for years and then that night, he was there. I thought he was gone. Moved on to fucking off somewhere else, preferably dead and yet he looked at me. He looked at me and smiled and toasted me as if he were congratulating me or something. Bastard. I guess I panicked. After that, I hid in the dressing room and drank. When I saw Harry, I knew I had to warn him.”

“I understand. It was an instinctual reaction to warn someone especially about something like this. You wanted to warn Harry and that’s a good thing. There’s no point in looking back and seeing how else you could have handled it. What’s done is done. What you both can do is move forward from this and decide where you want to go from here.”

Both Taylor and Harry nod, agreeing with Zayn’s words though managing to do that is more difficult. Satisfied that both subs were in a good place, Zayn stands and makes to leave.

“Taylor, here’s my card. My office number and my personal number are listed there. If you would like to come talk to me at any time, don’t hesitate to call. Other than this impromptu session, my client list is completely confidential and clients never overlap so you don’t run the risk of being spotted.”

“Thank you Dr.”

Taylor takes his card and tucks it away in her purse, uncertain if she will go through with it but it was nice to have the option open should she decide to go through with it.

“I should go too. I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

Harry walks both of them to the door and sees them off, feeling a little lighter than he had before.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It’s a week later that finds Harry and Taylor snuggled on his couch watching The Wedding Singer together. They’d struck up a friendship and would talk and text daily, visiting one another often. For Harry, this was his first real friendship. There were no expectations between them, they had shared experiences and they understood each other in a way no one else ever could. More often than not they didn’t discuss their shared trauma. They just got to know each other as friends do. Harry opened up to her about his relationship with Louis and she listened without judgement. They also sang together just for fun. That very evening, they had a cookoff of sorts. Her sweet potato pancakes versus his chocolate chip pancakes. They’d ended up throwing flour at each other then laughing as they cleaned the kitchen and ordered takeout. It was nice to just breathe and be. Both of them felt less stress when they were with each other. As the movie winds down, they find they’re not particularly tired. Taylor goes to make them both tea as Harry sits at his piano, his fingers sliding over the keys before Taylor reappears, two cups of hot tea that she sets down on top of his piano. She quickly goes to retrieve two coasters and places the cups of tea on top of them so as not to ruin his piano. He smiles at her in gratitude as she sits next to him, her own fingers going on the keys. They go back and forth for a while, him humming a tune that she then picks up and overlaps with her voice. Without thinking, they start to collaborate on a song. Their tea is left untouched as they continue to work on it, Harry grabbing his journal as they come up with lyrics, create melodies for the song and go back and forth on making the song come to life. By the time they think they’ve managed to get a good working version of the song down, it’s past 3 in the morning. Harry offers her his guest room and she agrees, each of them going to their respective bedrooms with their shared song in both their minds. 

Both of them sleep in. It’s almost noon before Harry stumbles out of bed with Taylor following shortly. Harry smiles when he sees her in his baggy white shirt and a pair of sweats he had left out for her. As she makes coffee, he quickly scrambles some eggs for them and prepares toast. When they sit to eat, Harry asks Taylor something he’s avoided mentioning but their working together the previous night had him curious.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Please tell me to mind my own business if it’s too personal. What happened to your dom? Joe, I think?”

Taylor sighs and toys with her eggs before finally replying honestly.

“Yeah. We were together for quite a while. I love him so much but I just...it’s hard you know? I tried so hard to be the sub he kept telling me I could be. He was so wonderful with me but I kept pushing the limits. I kept testing boundaries just to see what his breaking point would be. He never gave up on me. I gave up on us. I hated what I was doing to him so I walked away. I believed he could do better than me. I still do. It doesn’t stop me from hurting and wishing things could be different.”

Harry has no response to that. What else can he say? He understood what she was feeling.

“I told myself not to keep up with him but I couldn’t help myself. There are rumors he’s dating someone, a pretty young sub named Selena. She’s an up and coming singer. I want to hate her but I can’t. It’s not her fault I’m so messed up and couldn’t stick around. Have you looked up Louis?”

“No and I don’t want to. Zayn has essentially forbidden it for now for my own peace of mind and he has a point. I’ve chosen to take my angst and write. I have so many songs written about him. They’re all sad, filled with self-loathing and the like. They’re my pity party songs.”

Laughing, they move on to less depressing topics.

A few days later, Harry is surprised when Zayn calls him.

“Hey Zayn. What’s up?”

“Harry. I wanted to talk to you. Jeff reached out and wanted me to ask you. There’s a big celebrity fundraiser that’s going to be aired on television to help the victims of Hurricane Greta. Jeff wanted to know if you would be interested in performing. I told him I’d ask.”

Harry thinks about it for a moment before an idea hits him.

“Let me call you back. Give me a bit and I’ll have an answer for you.”

“Sure. Let me know.”

An idea forming in his head, Harry calls Taylor and quickly summarizes his idea to her. At first she’s surprised but Harry’s nervous enthusiasm has her agreeing. They make plans for her to come to his home studio so they can start. Calling Zayn back, Harry wastes no time in telling him to give Jeff the ok but with the caveat that he will be performing with Taylor Swift. They will be singing a duet together. Zayn is surprised but pleased. Though he’d never told Harry and Taylor had not mentioned it either, she had reached out to Zayn to make her first appointment to see him.

Day after day Harry and Taylor rehearse. They spend hours in his home studio rehearsing, refusing to rehearse anywhere else. They didn’t want anyone to know they were going to duet and they especially didn’t want their song to leak. Jeff himself had no idea and that worried him but Harry was being very close-mouthed about this.

Harry takes some time the day before to have his stylist come over. He gives her explicit instructions on what he wants, her surprise evident but she listens. He’s quiet which is unusual for him. He’d binge watched Game of Thrones with Taylor and one line from Sansa Stark that reverberated with him. 

“ I’m a slow learner, it’s true. But I learn.”

He felt that this was almost a personal motto for himself and he took it to heart. 

On the day of the fundraiser, he arrives at the allotted time in a dark car, well away from the prying eyes of the media and paparazzi. Taylor and Harry were going to stay sequestered until it was their turn to perform. Neither had felt like talking to other celebs or just doing the general nonsense that went on prior to any performance backstage. At their request, Zayn was present to offer support for both Harry and Taylor. This would be the first time either of them had been seen in public in a while. While it was public knowledge that Taylor was single, people still believed Harry was Lou’s sub. For him to not to be present would certainly raise eyebrows and questions would be asked. Zayn was there to help them both for the media firestorm that would hit after their performance.

When both are announced, unbeknownst to them, social media lights up. Immediately the tweets and comments begin. Harry’s new look. A #Haylor duet and many others. 

The lights dim as Harry sits at the piano and begins to play, the soft melody filling the room as both prepare to sing.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In his home, Louis had been watching the fundraiser, even calling and giving a generous donation before he’s stunned at the mention of Harry’s name. His mouth drops open when Harry walks out, a sharp black suit on, a white shirt underneath with the top two buttons undone and his hair. His curls were cut short. It was certainly a dashing look and made Harry look mature, more distinguished. He was the epitome of a graceful and elegant sub. No rings line his fingers for the first time. The only jewelry he wears is his cross necklace. When he sits at the piano, Louis watches with an intense stare as Harry’s stunning voice harmonizes beautifully with Taylor’s, the song itself so sad, heartbreaking and yet so fitting for them.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Harry closes his eyes then opens them in time to start singing his portion of the song.

_ I can see you standin', honey _

_ With his arms around your body _

_ Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all _

_ And it took you five whole minutes _

_ To pack us up and leave me with it _

_ Holdin' all this love out here in the hall _

_ I think I've seen this film before _

_ And I didn't like the ending _

_ You're not my homeland anymore _

_ So what am I defendin' now? _

_ You were my town _

_ Now I'm in exile seein' you out _

_ I think I've seen this film before _

Taylor’s voice picks up after the harmony between stanzas. Her voice is a contrast to his deep one. It’s sweet and haunting.

_ I can see you starin', honey _

_ Like he's just your understudy _

_ Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me _

_ Second, third, and hundredth chances _

_ Balancin' on breaking branches _

_ Those eyes add insult to injury _

_ I think I've seen this film before _

_ And I didn't like the ending _

_ I'm not your problem anymore _

_ So who am I offending now? _

_ You were my crown _

_ Now I'm in exile seein' you out _

_ I think I've seen this film before _

_ So I'm leavin' out the side door _

Harry picks up the song right away, his own personal grief and anguish coming across so well as he sings. Everyone listening to them can’t believe that the same man who writes songs about sex and drinking and being a bad boy is now singing such a beautiful song about love and loss. His voice mixing with hers was beautiful. From the sidelines, Zayn was checking social media at the way both Harry and Taylor were trending. The reviews so far were amazingly positive. Even better, their duet was already generating so much for the fundraiser. People were calling in droves to donate. 

_ So step right out _

_ There is no amount _

_ Of cryin' I can do for you _

_ All this time _

_ We always walked a very thin line _

_ You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) _

_ You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) _

_ All this time _

_ I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) _

_ I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) _

_ 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) _

_ So many signs _

_ So many signs (you didn't even see the signs) _

By the time they’re finished, many in the room have tears in their eyes but the one that’s caught on camera is Harry’s. He stands and mouths a silent thank you as does Taylor but it’s the tear that falls that sets the rumors flying. 

When they leave the studio with Zayn, it’s as he had predicted. Media is everywhere. Security lines up to keep them at bay while they walk to their cars. Neither give any comments and both are relieved when they’re driving away.

Once at home, Harry sighs at the silence. He’d gotten used to having Taylor around lately and missed their talks and shenanigans but the song had taken a lot out of them both emotionally. They needed some time with their own thoughts. He gets himself a club soda when the doorbell rings. Wondering if maybe Taylor had changed her mind, he goes to open it and stares in shock as Louis stands on the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to your comments like I normally do but your comments inspired me so much that I had to write. I was motivated beyond belief to update quickly.  
> I should warn you that I took some major creative liberties in regards to the song in here. No disrespect meant to Bon Iver but I love the song and wanted it for Harry and Taylor for this moment.


	15. Instagram Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the wonderful comments! I am so sorry I didn't get to reply to all of them. I hope this chapter makes up for it.

Harry is proud of himself as he manages to keep his composure, his face not betraying his inner turmoil and the shock he feels at seeing Louis at his door. His lessons with Louis had paid off. He was calm and collected on the outside as he opens his door slightly wider and gestures with his hands for Louis to enter. He doesn’t quite trust his voice just yet to speak. When Louis enters, he gently shuts the door behind him and takes a deep silent breath before turning back to face his former dom. Rather than speak, he gestures yet again for Louis to follow him to his living room.

“Have a seat please. Can I offer you something to drink? I have tea, coffee and water.”

“No, I’m fine Harry. Thank you.”

Harry deliberately sits on a chair across from Louis, not wanting to be too close to him for whatever conversation Louis wanted to have with him. He did have an inkling as to what brought Louis by though.

“I take it you saw the benefit?”

“I did. You were wonderful. You and Taylor sound fantastic together and that song. It was amazing. I don’t think I ever heard you practice that one.”

“It’s new. Taylor and I wrote it, rehearsed it and played it in the span of a week.”

“Congratulations to you both. The reviews of the song and your performance are outstanding. Will you be recording it?”

“Yes, eventually. We both plan on putting versions of it in our respective albums.”

“Oh? You’re planning on releasing another album soon?”

“No, not quite yet. We’re both working on writing but I don’t think I’ll be putting out an album quite yet. I have a lot of material but I haven’t recorded or even fine tuned it just yet. Perhaps by next year it will be ready.”

“Would it be too much trouble to ask you for that tea now Harry?”

“Of course. Give me a bit while I go prepare it. Make yourself comfortable.”

Harry goes to the kitchen to get the water ready, setting out two cups and the tea as well as cream and sugar. As the tea seeps, he pulls out his phone to send a quick text to Zayn.

<H: He’s here. Lou. I didn’t know he was coming.>

<Z: Do you need me there? I can be there in 30.>

<H: No. I need to see this through with him by myself. It’s time I take control. Can I call you after?>

<Z: Always. I’ll be waiting.>

Harry prepares the tea exactly how Louis liked it before preparing his own and taking them both out on a small tray and offering one to Louis before taking his own and returning to his chair. Both men just drink in silence, Harry determined not to break and talk first. Lou came to him so he had to be the one to reach out. Harry was tired of being put on the backburner and letting others make decisions for him or tell him how he should react. This time, he was going to finally take charge of his own life and outcome of everything. It’s a while before Louis puts down his tea and gestures towards Harry.

“You look fantastic. The new look really works for you.”

“Thank you.”

“I mean it Harry. It’s a more grown up look for you but still keeping your signature edge. It works well.”

Harry inclines his head in appreciation but he’s tired of these games. He’s tired of not knowing the rules of whatever the hell is going on so he goes for broke as he finally speaks to Louis in more than simply sentences and short answers.

“Why are you here Louis?”

If Louis is surprised, he doesn’t show it. 

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened.”

“What does it matter? You didn’t give me the opportunity to speak on my behalf back then. Why should today be any different?”

Louis is taken aback. Harry was a listener, always eager to fully understand and to learn. Louis had taught him the importance of communication and being a good listener and yet now, Harry was different.

“I am sorry Harry. I know things didn’t go the way we had planned and hoped but I admit that I erred and made mistakes of my own. Not giving you the chance to explain was a bad decision on my part. I should have taken the time to listen to you and it could have been a learning opportunity for us both.”

That did it. Harry was sick and tired of being gaslighted and being blamed for everything with no one else around him ever accepting responsibility for failing him.

“Louis, take your half-assed apology and fuck off. I don’t want it.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Why now Louis? Be honest. Why are you here now? You’ve had weeks to reach out to me but you didn’t. You acted like I didn’t even fucking exist. You treated me as if this was my fault. As if I asked to be abused and violated. All you fucking cared about was your reputation. All Jeff cared about is how this would affect the carefully crafted new Harry and his ability to make more money. Neither of you dumb fucks cared about me! You never bothered to find out what triggered me to the point of a breakdown! Neither of you did so I will beg your pardon if your apology is worthless to me.”

Now Louis is beginning to get angry.

“I’m trying to apologize for not listening…”

“NO YOU DIDN’T! YOU LEFT ME! AT THE FIRST GODDAMN SIGN OF TROUBLE YOU DID WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE TO ME! YOU LEFT ME TO DEAL WITH MY TRAUMA BY MYSELF!”

Shaking his head, tears already rolling down his face, Harry now speaks in a low but clear voice.

“Everyone but Zayn abandoned me. You did. Jeff did. My team. My own mother and sister made it clear I’m an embarrassment to them. Zayn has been the only person that bothered to find out what happened to me. The rest of you immediately jumped to the wrong conclusions. You all became my judge, jury and executioner and not once thought that perhaps I was the victim in all this. I don’t need or want your apologies. I need you to leave. Just leave me alone.”

“What happened Harry? Please. Talk to me. What happened that night? I need to understand.”

“No. You lost that privilege when you proved to be like everyone else in my life.”

“Harry, no. I’m not like everyone else.”

“Oh really? Could have fooled me. Now if there’s nothing else, I’m tired and would like to enjoy the rest of my evening in peace.”

Harry walks and opens the front door, a clear indicator that he wants Louis to leave. For his part, Louis is stunned. He wants to be angry and defensive but he can’t be. He knows Harry is right. He let him down. They all did. He stands and goes to the door but turns once more, determined to at least say one more thing to Harry.

“You’re right Harry. We all let you down. I was the worst. It was my job to protect you and I failed you and for that I’ll always be sorry. It has nothing to do with my reputation and everything to do with how I failed you. You may not believe me but I am sorry.”

Harry remains stoic and merely waits for Louis to leave. He’s afraid to speak anymore. Worried he’ll break and ask Louis to give him another chance. It’s how own pride holds him back from doing that and he’s grateful when Louis walks out. He closes the door and takes deep cleansing breaths before taking out his phone and texting Zayn again.

<H: He’s gone.>

<Z: I’m on my way.>

<H: No, it’s alright. I’m tired. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow during our session. I just want a bath and bed.>

<Z: Alright. See you tomorrow.>

Harry does exactly what he told Zayn he was going to do. He takes a bath and then goes to bed early. He’s too emotionally drained and just wants to forget about so much.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Zayn is settled in with takeout and his plans to binge watch Stranger Things when someone is ringing his doorbell. When he goes to open it, he can honestly say he’s surprised to see Louis standing there looking miserable.

“You look like shit mate.”

“Thanks. I need to talk to you.”

“Well come on in.First, is this a professional visit or personal?”

“It’s personal Zayn. I’m here as your friend.”

“Alright then. I have plenty of Chinese takeout and beer. Let’s get settled in and then talk.”

They do exactly as Zayn says. They eat, drink and talk about random topics, both circling. Zayn suspects he knows what Ior more specifically who) Louis wants to talk about and Louis doesn’t know how to quite bring it up.

“So what’s wrong? We’ve eaten, we still have beer and you’re just here indulging in bullshit chit chat which is not like you unless it’s a social situation.”   
“I fucked up Zayn. I went to see Harry and fuck. He let loose on me.”

“Did he now?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know he could even raise his voice that way much less yell and curse at me.”   
“Huh. Tell me this Lou. Did you deserve it?”   
“That’s the bitch of it. Yeah, I did. I had it coming.”   
“So why are you sitting here feeling sorry for yourself?”

“Because I more than fucked up Zayn.”

“How so?”

“I treated him like all my previous subs when I knew he was nothing like them.”

“What do you mean?”   
“Every previous sub was a brat. They were rebelling, acting out and trying to be different and edgy for the sake of pissing off their families. They all came from privilege, wealth and blue blood families. That type of bullshit. I pigeonholed Harry and lumped him in with them but he was always different. I ummm...I did something.”

“What did you do?”

“I went back and found all those videos and diaries of Harry online from his teenage years. God he was adorable. He was innocent and cheeky. He was so lighthearted and then…”

“What?”

“I started to see his evolution. It was fucking horrible Zayn. Over the years, someone, his management, his team, his family, his evaluators. They all started breaking him down. He went from this sweet boy to a more serious person, hardly smiling. You can see him withdrawing as time goes on. By the time he was at the point of leaving the academy, he’d grown his hair out, gotten tattoos and started the slide into the drinking and bad boy behaviors that defined him. He told me I let him down just like everyone else in his life has.”

“And what do you think?”

“He’s right. I knew he had past trauma and rather than try to help him, I bailed on him after the first major sign of trouble. He was right to kick me out.”

“He kicked you out?”

Zayn couldn’t help but laugh.

“That had to be humbling for the perfect Louis Tomlinson.”

“Fuck off. I’m not perfect.”

“No and it’s time you got your head out of your arse and realized that your A rating doesn’t mean shit if you’re too busy staring at yourself in the mirror that you forget to look back to save the person that’s depending on you.”

Louis hangs his head and contemplates Zayn’s words before speaking again quietly.

“What do I do now?”

“That depends? Do you still want him as a sub or do you want forgiveness?”

“I want what’s best for him.”

“Then give him time. Reach out sporadically to make sure he knows you’re still there but don’t do any surprise visits and don’t hound him. If and when he decides to forgive you, it should be when he’s ready and not because he’s playing a role.”

“Fuck. I hate it when you’re right.”

“Maybe now you’ll listen to me more often you prick. Another beer?”

“Sure, why not. I may crash here though if we keep drinking.”

Zayn snorts out a laugh. He’d already anticipated Louis would be staying with him, just like old times.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

_ One week later… _

Harry holds his guitar and stares at his iPad. He’d been debating on doing this for a while. He’d never done anything like this but Taylor had encouraged him that this was a great way to reach out to his fans while still avoiding doing any form of interviews. Jeff had been after him to give a few interviews either radio or magazines but he’d refused. He wasn’t in the mood to sit and be talked down to by anyone. He also didn’t want to ask questions regarding his relationship with Louis. The world still believed them to be together and Jeff had been canny about leaking old photos of Harry and Louis taken prior to the Met to show people they were still together but with his new look and haircut, the old photos would no longer work. He refused to discuss the possibility of interviews and Taylor had come up with this solution. He knew his team would be furious with him but what else was new? Opening the Instagram app, Harry took a deep breath before starting the Live. He hated using social media after the firestorm he’d created. Social media was often unkind to him but this time, he was going to use it to his advantage. Within seconds, he’s flooded. He keeps staring at the counter and is shocked when it reaches the 100K mark in less than a minute. The comments are flying by so fast he can barely keep up. 

He just starts laughing and waves awkwardly to his fans before starting.

“Hey. I know. I’m live. I don’t know who’s more shocked. You guys or me for doing this but I was in the mood to say hello. So. Hello.”

He looks over the comments, deciding to pick and choose what to respond to.

“Well, goldengirl28, thank you. I was in the mood for a new look. I’ve had the long hair for a while but I wanted to change things up. I’ve been told I look mature like this.”

He slowly starts to loosen up as he talks to the fans, careful to not give anything away in regards to Louis. As Taylor had taught him, he looks away at some point and gives a big smile, his dimples popping before returning to the screen. His fans all assume Louis must have walked into the room for Harry to have reacted that way and immediately they start trending. 

“Bluegreen4ever, what was I looking at?”

Harry laughs at that question and shakes his head, not giving an answer but his reaction deeping the assumption he’s being discreet about not wanting to talk about Louis. Finally, someone asks the question he’s been waiting for.

“Larrystylinson2020, I’ve actually been working on some new material. Here, tell me what you guys think. Now, this is different than my previous work so be honest.”

He pulls up his guitar and strums a few chords before beginning. 

_ Don't blame me for fallin' _

_ I was just a little boy _

_ Don't blame the drunk caller _

_ Wasn't ready for it all _

_ You can't blame me, darling _

_ Not even a little bit _

_ I was away _

_ And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch _

_ Who can't admit when he's sorry _

_ Don't call me "baby" again _

_ You got your reasons _

_ I know that you're tryna be friends _

_ I know you mean it _

_ But don't call me "baby" again _

_ It's hard for me to go home _

_ Be so lonely _

_ I just hope you see me _

_ In a little better light _

_ Do you think it's easy _

_ Being of the jealous kind? _

_ 'Cause I miss the shape of your lips _

_ Your wit _

_ It's just a trick _

_ And this is it, so I'm sorry _

_ Don't call me "baby" again _

_ You got your reasons _

_ I know that you're tryna be friends _

_ I know you mean it _

_ But don't call me "baby" again _

_ It's hard for me to go home _

_ Be so lonely _

When he finishes, he puts down his guitar, smiling widely as he sees the overwhelmingly positive comments.

“Thank you all very much. Anyway, thank you all very much for listening and I maybe I’ll get to do another Live soon. Much love to everyone.”

He gives the peace sign before he stops the Live and logs off. He closes his iPad and blows out a deep breath. This had felt right. Harry puts away his guitar and only then does he pick up his phone and sees texts from Zayn, Taylor and to his surprise Louis. All of them were offering encouragement and praise for his IG Live as well as his song. He also sees several missed calls and texts from Jeff. The last message informs him that they have a meeting scheduled the following day at 9 am, please be on time.

In the past, being summoned to a meeting like this would set him on edge and have him worried and stressed to the point of drinking but those days were long behind him. He’s ready to face whatever Jeff throws at him.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Harry enters Jeff’s office the next morning at 8:50, he’s feeling confident. He’s dressed in a grey suit with a mint green shirt and no one can find fault with his attire. He’s sober, he’s dressed very well and he’s smiling, greeting everyone by name as he walks in. His demeanor doesn’t change when he realizes Louis is also in the meeting, his blue eyes staring at Harry but his expression is blank. Something isn’t right. Jeff walks in and wastes no time in explaining why he called this meeting.

“Despite your unusual way of reaching out to your fans and not informing us, the feedback to your Live as well as your song are positive. All this has done wonders for the restructuring of your reputation. Everything is going well except one thing. Fans are clamoring to know more and see more of you and your dom.”

“I don’t have a dom.”

“Technically, you do. Louis is still under contract for the remainder of the year and by all intents and purposes, you are still his sub. Regardless of what happened, you both need to continue as you were to fulfill your contractual obligations. You two can discuss and make whatever arrangements you need to make such as living situation, etc but this isn’t a discussion. Except for one thing.”

Feeling trapped, Harry is trying hard to maintain his composure. Louis is still eerily silent, the only thing giving away his own anger is his clenched fist on the table top. Fucking Jeff had somehow seen fit to write in loopholes into the contract that screwed them both. It’s Louis who finally speaks when he realizes Harry is too stunned to react.

“What one thing?”

“This.”

He places a small box on the table and opens it to display a collar. The collar itself is beautiful. It’s black with three gems in the middle. An emerald, a sapphire with a diamond in the middle. Harry’s jaw drops and Louis stands, furious at Jeff for this level of interference.

“Are you out of your mind?!”

“No and both of you need to do this. It’s only for a few months. What’s the big deal. In the coming weeks, you two will go somewhere romantic, a trip or whatever and when you return, Harry will be wearing the collar. We never publicly confirm anything but him wearing it is sure to seal the deal and everyone will think you’re engaged. I’ll handle the fallout after the terms of the contract have been made and you both go your separate ways.”

Harry looks around the room, his team looking shocked and uncomfortable. None of them had known Jeff would do this. Louis himself was caught unaware. He’s feeling lightheaded when he feels a hand in his. Looking up, he realizes Louis is trying to get him to move. He keeps his hand in Louis’ as they leave the room. He makes no movement when Harry slips sunglasses over his eyes and they leave the building. As usual, paparazzi hang out and manage to catch pictures of Louis and Harry together and holding hands as they get in the same car. It’s only when the car pulls away that Harry hangs his head and weeps. He feels Louis’ arms around him with apologies leaving Louis’ lips for the mess they now find themselves in.


	16. Evolution

Louis is on his phone texting for a few minutes before he slips his phone back in his pocket and continues to comfort Harry. Jeff had thrown him for a loop with the collar and his loophole to the contract. Louis was certain he’d read that contract carefully so how the fuck was Jeff able to get them to agree to this? The car pulls up to his home, so caught up in his anger over the situation that he failed to notice the drive.

“Come on Harry. Let’s go in and see if we can make sense of all this.”

Harry doesn’t respond. He just wipes tears off his face and looks around to make sure no paparazzi are hanging around. Lucky for them, the street only has a few passerby, no press or nosy people looking for a story. Both of them quickly exit the car and get into the relative safety and shelter of Louis’ home. Mary is there to greet them, no surprise on her face at seeing Harry there. She simply takes one look at the sadness on his face, the traces of tears and the tension in Louis to know something is terribly wrong. 

“I’ll prepare some tea and something light for you both to eat. Dr. Malik is in the study waiting for you.”

Harry’s head snaps up at that mention.

“Zayn is here?”

“Yes. I text him as soon as we left asking him to meet us here because it was urgent. He knows you’re with me though he doesn’t yet know why he’s here. Go join him. I’ll be there in a moment. I need to call my attorney to have him look over the contract. This doesn’t sit right with me and I have a feeling Jeff somehow added that loophole in without our knowledge.”

Harry nods as Louis makes his phone call. He goes to the study and sees Zayn sitting while scrolling on his phone. When Zayn sees Harry, he closes the app he was on and encourages him to sit.

“Let’s wait for Louis so then you both can talk to me. I admit I was surprised to receive his message. I didn’t think you’d reach out to him this soon.”

“He didn’t.”

Louis walks into the study, Mary right behind him with a tray holding tea and as promised, plates of small snacks. She gives each man their plate and tea and leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

“So what happened then? Why are you two together, here and why is Harry so upset?”

“Let me tell you my end of things and then Harry can tell you his. So much has happened in a short span of time that it’s better if we start from the beginning.”

\---------------------------------

_ Earlier that week _

“Yes Jeff?”

“Louis. Why don’t you come to my office. We can brainstorm how to get Harry back in the game. He’s out of control again.”

“Is he? How do you mean?”

“He cut his hair. He’s dressing differently. He’s maintaining a low profile and staying off social media.”

“I fail to understand the problem. He’s doing exactly what you and your label have been trying to get him to do for years now.”

“He’s making decisions without informing his team. He’s making decisions for himself without approval. How about we meet for lunch Louis? We can talk about this personally. I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”

“I still fail to see how any of this is a problem nor do I understand what this has to do with me anymore. Harry is doing perfectly fine. Why are you so worried?”

“Because he’s Harry. He’s bound to fuck things up.”

“I’m hanging up now Jeff. Harry is doing fine. Just leave him be.”

Ending the call, Louis admits to being worried. What did Jeff know that Louis didn’t? He kept telling himself it wasn’t his prerogative anymore but he couldn’t stop worrying about Harry. He was doing real well from what he was able to find out but it only took one event, one memory for him to lapse and lose all the progress he’d made. He knew better than to ask Zayn. He was a real stickler for doctor/patient confidentiality. Uneasy, he decided he would try to keep a closer eye on Harry without it being obvious. He had a few friends he could tap to help him. Something was going on and he was determined to find out what it was.

The next day, he’s enjoying time to himself working out when his phone starts to ding repeatedly. He would have ignored it but that uneasy feeling had been dogging him since his conversation with Jeff the day before. To his surprise, it’s Niall texting him. Rather than text back, he just calls him so he can continue his workout faster.

“Niall. What’s going on? Have you found out anything more?”

Despite the problems surrounding them and their broken contract, Louis was still determined to find out what had happened to Harry and the others at the academy as well as find out who was the culprit.

“It’s not that. I just thought you should know Harry is live on Instagram right now.”

“He what? Let me call you back.”

He immediately goes to the app and logs in. Sure enough, there’s Harry. He smiles to himself as he sees Harry chat with the fans, answer questions, run his hands awkwardly through his hair as if he still wasn’t used to the length. He stiffens when Harry looks up and gives that dazzling smile that brings out the dimples in his cheeks. He wonders who is there with Harry that has made him smile that way but shakes it off and focuses instead on the Live. It’s not his business if Harry has someone in his life. He’s happy and seems to be stable so Louis should be happy for him. When Harry starts to play the song for his fans, Louis can’t help but feel emotional. This song and the one he sang at the benefit. He feels as if they are meant for him. He would never be so presumptuous as to assume something like that but his new look, his behavior and the music are very different and a complete departure from the Harry he first met. It was almost as if Harry was growing up. No, that wasn’t right. He wasn’t growing up. He was evolving. Harry was evolving into someone any dom would be proud to call their own but more importantly, he was becoming his own person. The real Harry was starting to come into his own and this made Louis happy. When the live ended, he closed the app and sat for a while just thinking. He had promised he would leave Harry be but a text expressing his praise for the song wasn’t wrong.

**_< Louis: The song was beautiful Harry. Well done! Your new music is profound and you should be proud of yourself. I am.>_ **

He doesn’t receive a response nor does he expect one but that’s alright. Harry has enough to deal with than Louis’ text. He’s about to resume his workout when he gets a text but not from Harry. Frowning, he sees one from Jeff.

_**< Jeff: My office tomorrow at 8:30. Urgent. Re: Styles>** _

Frowning, he makes a quick check in his calendar and sees he has nothing set that early in the morning.

**_< Louis: I’ll be there. Is it about his Live?>_ **

Jeff never replies.

\--------------------------------------

Louis sits in a chair with a weary sigh. He looks up at Zayn and Harry as he gets to recounting the meeting he had with Jeff prior to Harry joining.

“When I walked into his office, he had the contract laid out before him and two lawyers for the company there with him. What I failed to notice and what my own arrogance cost me is that I have two separate contracts as do you Harry. We had a contract with each other but each of us is also contracted with the record company. Your contract is mostly tied to your music and image. Mine is strictly for image purposes of their artists. He’s using that contract against me. I’m legally required to represent the company as an escort of subs to a variety of events but technically, this also covers my contract and relationship with you. Jeff was not happy we, or rather I broke our contract so he’s instead using our work contracts against us to get us paired up. To try and break free of them would be damaging. I called my own attorney to look into it but I don’t know how promising our case is. He will call me tomorrow with an update.”

A light knock on the door is heard before Mary walks in holding a box.

“This just arrived addressed to both of you.”

She hands the box to Louis and steps out.

“That bastard…”

Harry stiffens. Like Louis, he knows what’s inside.

Opening it, Louis pulls out the collar and stares at it with distaste.

Zayn’s mouth opens up in surprise.

“What...what the hell is that?”

“You know exactly what it is Zayn. Part of Jeff’s new plan is for us to go on a romantic retreat and when we return, be photographed with Harry wearing this. He wants us to pretend I collared him to get the buzz going.”

Angry, Zayn stands up and sits next to Harry who has remained silent for the most part.

“How are you feeling Harry? I know this has come as a shock to you. You have every right to be angry.”

“What I am is tired. I’m tired of everyone else holding sway over my life. Of making decisions for me as if I’m a child who doesn’t know any better. I’ll go along with this plan but on my own terms. I’ll be damned if I’ll sit back and let Jeff make a mockery of something as sacred as collaring. If you’ll excuse me? I need to return to my own home and pack my clothing and essentials before I return to play this charade. Louis, if you can have the guest room prepared for me please? I also insist the door remain and my clothes and items be left alone. I’ve done nothing to lose these simple luxuries. We can talk new terms when I return this evening. Zayn, I’ll see you at our next session.”

Without waiting for permission or even acknowledgment, Harry walks out. He’s worked too hard to get to this level of confidence. He may be a sub but he’s not a dog to wait for praise from his master.

Back inside, the room is silent as both men process Harry’s words before Zayn starts laughing.

“Good luck mate. He’s finding his voice and he’s not going to let anyone boss him around anymore.”

Louis reluctantly smiles.

“He is and I’m proud of him. I’m also furious with Jeff. Collaring is special. It’s a commitment. To use it as a prop for media attention and to get more money out of Harry is low even for him.”

“Do you want my advice?”

“Of course.”

“Follow through but on Harry’s terms. Let him choose the place where you take him for this getaway. Keep a low profile there as much as you can. Don’t make plans without discussing them with him. When you do collar him, offer assurances and apologies. In this instance, you’re both stuck and it’s out of your control but you can make the best of it. He’s your equal Louis. He may be a sub but he wants to be seen as his own person. As an equal.”

“What? Of course he is! Why wouldn’t he think he is? I never treated him as second class.”

“Are you sure? Talk to him about it. I think you’d be surprised. It’s one thing to make a decision for him when he asks you to. It’s another to make a decision because you think it’s best for him. The best thing you can do for Harry is to listen to him. Communicate. You want to regain his trust? Listen to him.”

Louis nods, already contemplating and thinking of times when perhaps he had crossed that line without even realizing it. For an A rated dom, he sure did make a lot of stupid mistakes with Harry. He didn’t understand it. He never did that with any of his previous subs. Before he can think too hard on it, Zayn stands and prepares to leave.

“I have a session later today. I’ll be in touch. Or call me if anything else happens.”

“Alright. Thank you Zayn.”

Harry returns right before dinner is served. Knowing the rules, he dresses for dinner and meets Louis downstairs.

“Please, just water for me. I stopped drinking.”

Surprised but pleased, Louis instead pours two waters for both of them.

“Oh, no. Please go ahead and have one Louis. It doesn’t bother me if you drink.”

“Perhaps not but it will bother me if I do something like drink while you’re recovering. I don’t mind.”

Nodding, Harry takes his water with lemon and sits. It’s awkward between them, neither sure where to start. It’s a relief when Mary lets them know dinner is served. Remembering Zayn’s advice, Louis makes the first attempt.

“Harry? Where would you like to go?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“If we’re going to do this, we need to plan this together. We may be under Jeff’s trap but we can rewrite our story. After all, he can’t control how and when we do things. We have more power than you realize. So, where would you like to go for our vacation?”

Catching on, Harry ponders for a brief moment before he makes his decision.

“The islands of Seychelles.”

“Really? Why there? Don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard wonderful stories and I’ve never been but I’m curious as to why you chose that place.”

“It’s private. Very private. I can work on my music, maybe find inspiration for new songs besides the melancholy songs I’ve been writing lately.”

A small sad laugh escapes his lips at this admission. All the songs he’d been writing lately had been on the sadder side but it had felt cathartic to write them. His music had always been an escape for him but now it was an outlet. It was a way for him to express himself in ways he never could before. Thinking that makes him bold enough to be blunt and honest with Louis.

“Can I be honest with you Louis?”

“Of course. I prefer it. What’s on your mind.”

“When you abandoned me, I was hurt. You were the first person I allowed myself to open up to. You were the first person I let my guard down for and trusted. Then Zayn. Then my world went upside down and you didn’t stick with me. Like people inevitably do, you left me. That’s alright though. I’m not angry. Not anymore. You leaving me showed me a lot of things Louis. It showed me that I needed to stop depending on people and to start depending on myself only. You used to talk to me about self-respect and dignity. It’s ironic that I had to learn those lessons only after what happened. I did a lot of writing after that and I was finally able to find my voice. I was finally able to write meaningful songs and not the crap I was putting out before. I have you to thank for that. I have quite a few songs written, some will be on my new album and in a twisted way, our strange relationship inspired them. If nothing else, the entire situation forced me to confront my fears, my insecurities and my trauma. With the help of Zayn, I’ve been able to start piecing together what happened to me and now I’m working on learning to live with it without it defining who I am as a person. My new music reflects that so thank you. Perhaps I would have gotten to this point on my own but you helped speed up the way. If you’ll excuse me? I’d like a bath and to get to bed early. I have a writing session tomorrow.”

“Wait. Harry. Please. Hear me out.”

“No. Not right now Louis. You had your say the day you decided to walk away from me. I don’t owe you anything anymore. If and when I want to talk about this some more, I will reach out. Until then, you do your thing and I’ll do mine. I promise not to bring shame on your name or your reputation. I will keep you apprised of my whereabouts when I have to leave. I can give you no more than that.”

Louis is stunned when Harry walks away. He had to respect the newfound level of independence Harry was displaying but at the same time, he had to admit it was grating on his nerves. He fought down his irritation when he had a sudden thought. Had he acted that same way towards Harry during his time with him? No. Louis was far more considerate than to be a complete ass with no regards to someone else’s feelings but the thought wouldn’t leave him. Despite not being tired, he decides to go to his room and perhaps read until he’s tired. When he enters his room, he freezes. 

There on top of his bed is Harry’s journal. 


	17. Thank You for Listening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up! The majority of this chapter are the ramblings, thoughts and musings from Harry's journal. That's why so much of it seems like babbling and isn't written with any particular structure.

_Day 1 of exile. Is this what it is? Is it exile or banishment? Does it matter? Is any of this really important? Why am I even writing this anymore. It’s fucking stupid. Zayn said it helps me heal but I don’t see how. It’s just my stupid thoughts. Random notes I write. Lyrics. I have a different notebook for songs I’m writing but it’s sat neglected for a while. I’ve chosen to write here instead. Maybe because here I can put pen to paper and write down the real songs I want to sing and not the sugary shit my label expects of me. This is stupid. No one is going to bother with these songs. They don’t fit my image do they? Journaling is stupid. Everything is stupid. I’m tossing this damn thing. Maybe I’ll burn it._

_I threw away my journal. That only lasted a few hours before I had the urge to write. In my solace I’ve found words circling in my head. I can’t shake them. I don’t know what they mean._

_**Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too** _

_I keep hearing a faint melody. It goes to this one line. Over and over I keep humming it. I wonder if I can write an entire song using this line. I’ll try. I need to let it come to me though. I can’t force it or rush it. I’ll try to write now. We’ll see how it goes. I’ll stick to my guitar for now. I don’t think piano will work for this tune._

\-----------------------------------------------------

Louis continues to read. His eyes devoured Harry’s fragmented thoughts. The raw pain and emotion in his words striking him as he accepts that these are the words no one allowed Harry to verbalize. Words he also helped silence. In all their haste to help Harry, they had not allowed him to have his voice. Harry wrote with no pattern. He just wrote whatever he was thinking or feeling at any given time so there was no way to set a timeline to when he wrote his thoughts. Some were in blue ink, others in black. His penmanship veered from an elegant scrawl to frantic scribbles that were hard to read. Some of the ink was runny, as if tears had dropped on the paper to ruin the ink. Perhaps that's exactly what happened. He was reading Harry's tears. Tears he caused. He was very careful only to read the pages Harry had marked. He had to admit to being surprised when he saw the journal on his bed but the further he read the more he understood. 

Harry was teaching him a lesson.

These are the things Harry never got to say because Louis had not given him a chance.

Sighing, the guilt doubling within him, he continues to read.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

_I saw Zayn today. I talked to him about that night. I worked so hard to make sure things would go great at the Met. All for nothing. All it took was the mention of that bastard’s name, of knowing he was there watching Taylor and I, toasting as if our pain was a mockery for him and it all went to hell. Louis never gave me a chance. I didn’t drink to embarrass him. I drank to forget the memories that came flooding back like a tidal wave I was not prepared for. I was drowning in the hazy memories. The remembering of whispers in my ears. Describing what’s being done to me. Why? Aggressive hands groping me. Being unable to move as I’m being defiled. My mind registers it but my body no longer felt like my own. Clenching my eyes and praying it’s over soon. Then being forced to drink more so that my memories are unreliable. Flashes of lights. I remember flashes of light but I don’t understand them._

_Taylor shared many of the same memories._

_**Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too** _

_Taylor came over again. At least I made a friend after all this. She’s great. We have nice easy conversations. We don’t often talk about what happened to us. We talk a lot about our relationship pasts. Our likes and dislikes. We talk about music, songs and even some mild gossip about things we’ve heard. She’s a great friend._

_She’s not Louis._

_Taylor spent the night. It’s easy with her. We have shared experiences. We ended up writing together. She stayed the night when our movie night turned into songwriting. The song we co-wrote. It’s for both of us. I kept thinking of Lou. She never said it but I know she’s thinking of Joe. She misses him. She loves him but she’s like me. Far too damaged to ever be proper subs. Who wants broken toys to play with right?_

_We’re performing our new song. It’s a beautiful haunting song but I still can’t finish the other one. It keeps circling in my head but something is blocking me from writing it. I need to stop stressing out over it and focus on the performance._

_The performance went better than expected. I don’t have all the right words for it but it felt great. I’m going home now. It was exhausting and there was paparazzi there screaming for our attention. I know they were wondering where Louis was. I can’t avoid the subject forever. Soon I will have to make a statement about my relationship with him. Or rather the relationship that was never real to begin with and it’s no longer viable. Is that the right word for it?_

_He was here. Louis was here. I wasn’t prepared to see him and I let my anger get the best of me. I said so many things to him._

_Harsh things._

_I meant every word I said._

_Maybe in the future, he won’t blow off his sub the way he blew me off._

_WE ARE SUBS! WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU RIGHTEOUS PRICKS!_

_I need to call Zayn._

_Something wonderful happened. After Louis left, the rest of the song came rushing to me. It was a sudden sensation of words and melodies. I couldn’t write it out just yet so I slept and when I woke up, the song was there. It was just there in my mind. I guess I should thank Louis for this one. It’s my past. My present._

_I’ll be damned if it’s my future though._

**_Woke up alone in this hotel room_ **

**_Played with myself, where were you?_ **

**_Fell back to sleep, I got drunk by noon_ **

**_I've never felt less cool_ **

**_We haven't spoke since you went away_ **

**_Comfortable silence is so overrated_ **

**_Why won't you ever be the first one to break?_ **

**_Even the phone misses your call, by the way_ **

**_Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too_ **

**_But you, you never do_ **

_It’s a start. I need to fine tune it but it’s one hell of a start. I’ve got other ideas now too. Songs that are suddenly racing to my mind. Lyrics and ideas. I’ll sort them all out later. They’re all so different. The new Harry Styles. I probably should write some that are more happy since so far all I’ve got are melancholy songs of heartbreak going for me. I also have the songs I wrote inspired by Louis._

_Sunflower. He's a sunflower. I'll never tell him that. He'd probably laugh at me._

_Taylor and I talked on the phone and she had a wonderful idea. Is it so wonderful? It’s out of the norm for me. I’ve allowed everyone to control me and what I do for so long. She thinks I should start taking control and assert my power into my music, my image and just being me. She’s right. I’m fucking scared. What if this is a disaster?_

_I’m going live on Instagram soon. I’m so scared. What if I flop? What if I’m successful? I’m nervous about the reactions of everyone. Am I giving them more ammo? Zayn keeps telling me I’m stronger than I believe I am. He reminds me I’m strong and someone incredible. I’ve survived so much and that alone makes me special. I don’t think I’m special. I’m just me._

_I miss Louis._

_He probably wouldn’t approve of this live but if he by any chance did, I know he’d be here talking me out of my own neurosis and encouraging me. He always has the right words to say. It’s not his call anymore. It’s mine. I’m my own boss. I’m calling the shots. Here goes nothing._

_It’s over. It’s done. I went on IG and I survived. I think the fans liked it. I checked Twitter and I can see I’m trending and so is my song. Fans are asking me when I’m going to release it along with Exile. Maybe I’ll drop some hints and tease a new album. I have a lot of material for it. So many songs._

_All thanks to Louis._

_Will I ever not think of him? Zayn asked me if I was in love with him. I answered honestly and said no._

_But..._

_I could have been. I was so close. So close the that ledge, so willing to finally make that jump. A leap of faith. The biggest risk of my life but I think we’d have been great together if we’d taken the chance._

_It means nothing now._

_Jeff called. I ignored him. He messaged me. We have a meeting tomorrow morning. It’s ok. I’m nervous but I’m not afraid. Not anymore. I need to get some sleep. I want to be ready and at my best for this meeting tomorrow. Once this is done, I think I’ll take a vacation. I need to be away for a while before I get myself into more trouble with Jeff. Somewhere quiet. Warm. Where I can enjoy the sun and the sand and not have to worry about every step I take being photographed for the world to see. I’m tired of that right now. I just want to breathe._

_Is this really happening? I don’t have much time._

_Jeff is forcing Louis to collar me. I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted it to be real…_

**_Tell me I'm a screwed up mess_ **

**_That I never listen_ **

**_Spare me what you think and_ **

**_Tell me a lie_ **

\----------------------------------------------

Louis closes the journal, Harry’s words weighing heavily on him. Had he really been that blind? That stupid? There were so many things he wanted to say but he couldn’t. Harry had made it clear he would reach out when he was ready. All he could do now was wait. Wait for Harry to extend an olive branch to him. He closes the journal and tucks it away in his nightstand and turns off the lamp. It’s only when he’s closed his eyes when a sudden idea occurs to him. If they were going to do this on their own terms, they’d do it right. Despite the hour, he sends emails to his preferred travel agent and to a close friend at Van Cleef & Arpels. He was going to surprise Harry. When he wakes in the morning, he eats alone due to Harry preferring to do sunrise yoga and would eat later. He let it slide since he did approve of Harry using yoga and meditation as a way of getting rid of stress and as a form of therapy. When Harry finally joins him, he’s getting ready to leave.

“I have a few errands to run this morning. The car is at your disposal if you need it. I placed your journal back in your bedroom and I’m willing to talk whenever you are love. You have my number. Call me if you need anything otherwise I shall return by lunch.”

He gives Harry a quick kiss on his forehead, surprising him before he leaves. Harry had not uttered a single word to him, contemplating how Louis was acting towards him. 

“Welcome home Harry.”

Looking up, he sees Mary smiling at him as she places tea and breakfast in front of him.

“Louis said you were doing yoga earlier. He said for me to make sure your breakfast was filling and healthy. I hope it’s alright.”

He looks at the veggie omelette and smiles his thanks at her. It was perfect.

“Thank you Mary. It looks lovely.”

Neither of them comment on the fact that he didn’t contradict her when she said this was his home.

\----------------------------------------------

“When did you want to leave Mr. Tomlinson?”

“By the end of the week. Harry and I will be clear by then. Two weeks there should suffice. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”

“Of course sir. I’ll get that ready for you along with your flight information.”

“Thank you.”

His next stop was to Van Cleef & Arpels. Walking into the jewelry store holding the black box, he is immediately shown to a private viewing gallery with the manager.

“What can we do for you today Mr. Tomlinson?”

“As I stated to Jackie, this collar really will not suit my sub. I want to look at something else.”

“Of course sir. Were you looking for a particular gem to be put in place of these?”

He takes out the black collar and though lovely and elegant, if Louis Tomlinson wanted something different, he would get what he asked for.

“Pearls. My sub favors pearls. I’m sure you’ve seen him.”

“Of course sir. My daughters are huge fans. If I may make a suggestion?”

“Certainly.”

“He doesn’t need the flashy or the extreme. Perhaps in the past but his more recent outings and style suggest he would go for the understated. A single strand of pearls instead of multiple ones. No other jewels either. He can pull off the look of pearls. He’s worn them in the past but not quite like this. Now, some subs prefer their collars to be in the form of chokers but for Mr. Styles, perhaps a little more room in the neck?”

Nodding, Louis is perfectly visualizing a single strand pearl necklace collar for Harry. It could work.

“Now the clasp? It can be custom made. Do you prefer a traditional clasp or something else?”

“Yes. Can you make the clasp in the shape of a sunflower?”

“Of course sir. Now let’s choose the color and size of pearls for the collar.”

Together they work to design the perfect collar for Harry. It may have only been a game for Jeff but Louis was not going to let the moment and the symbolism be ruined for Harry. There was no way in hell he would let Harry wear something so special that was not chosen by him. Once they are done, he leaves to return home. When he arrives, he finds Mary just setting lunch out for Harry. They don’t speak until Louis is served and Mary leaves.

“I wanted to double check with you Harry. Will you be free by Friday? For our trip?”

Harry frowns slightly knowing the implications and the reason for the trip but he nods.

“Yes, I’ll be clear. I’ll be in the studio tomorrow and the day after but then I’m free to pack and get ready to go.”

“Wonderful. If you’re ok with it, I booked us a villa on the private island of Fregate in the Seychelles.”

Harry looks up with wide eyes.

“You want privacy and the freedom to write without being interrupted. The villa has a piano but you will have to bring your own guitar. The views of the ocean are incredible and perhaps there you will find new musical inspiration.”

Harry is still, staring in disbelief at Louis. Louis gets a little nervous thinking perhaps it was too much but he continues on.

“There’s diving, snorkeling, fishing, hiking. That sort of thing. Ummm...there’s a private chef that comes in but we can opt out if you’d rather risk my cooking everyday for two weeks.”

Louis doesn’t get to continue rambling. Harry stands up from his seat and leaves the room. Worried, Louis goes after him only to find him wiping away tears in the next room.

“Harry? What’s wrong? I can cancel the trip if it’s too much. We can go somewhere else. Or just stay here. Whatever you want.”

Harry turns around and wraps his arms around Louis who hugs him back. He’s not entirely sure what he did but if Harry needs to be held, he’ll gladly offer him comfort. He smiles slightly when he hears Harry’s whispered words to him.

“Thank you for listening.”


	18. Seychelles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is purely a fluff chapter because Harry needs fluff instead of so much angst. Thank you all for your comments! I read them all but didn't have time to reply to everyone. I'm so sorry about that. I like being able to acknowledge the readers who take the time to read my ramblings.

The flight from London to the Seychelles had taken ten hours and then an additional 20 minute helicopter trip to arrive at their private island. To avoid paparazzi and fans, they’d taken separate cars to appear as if they were just going about their day. Harry going to the studio and Louis going to his own office, a fact that surprised Harry when he found out Louis had his own office. Louis had explained to him that he did in fact have his own office since he was the head of a consulting firm though it was a private firm and not generally open to the public. Though he did not often go to the offices, he was very well aware of what went on and who the clientele were. Harry had asked if he had other subs on the side and Louis had been quick to reassure him that no, he only ever kept one sub at any given time and truly not often. He had other doms and subs in his employ who were like him. They were skilled at rehabbing the images and reputations of others in the upper circles of politics, entertainment and even royalty. Though he never mentioned names, he assured Harry that due to the nature of their work, everything was always discreet and no one outside his team ever knew who was working with whom. The tactic had worked. Each was able to escape their work places and meet at the airport, Mary having sent their luggage ahead. Their wait was minimal as Louis had also chartered a private plane to fly them to the island to ensure complete discretion. The constant subterfuge, the long flight, the additional helicopter trip had left them both drained. By the time they’d arrived on the island, both had enough sense to quickly shower to wash the travel fatigue away before Louis had forced Harry to have some soup. Taking no time to explore, they’d both gone to the bedroom and fallen asleep within minutes. 

The soft tinkle of piano keys began to rouse Louis from a very deep sleep. Despite there only being a four hour time difference, he still felt the dregs of jet lag and exhaustion in his bones. Today would be a very relaxing do nothing sort of day for them. He’d have to make sure Harry ate and drank plenty of water. The sound of piano keys once again called his attention as he realized that Harry wasn’t in bed. Groaning, he shifts and makes his way out of bed. Going to the bathroom, he makes sure to make himself somewhat presentable before going to look for Harry, tea and breakfast, not necessarily in that order. 

Leaving the room, he smiles as he notices all the natural sunlight from the amount of windows in each room. Heavy drapery is drawn open but sheer curtains still offer some respite. He begins to open them, loving the views of the ocean, their private beach and behind them acres of jungle for them to explore. It was perfect. He finds the kitchen in their villa and is delighted to see that breakfast was already laid out for them. He’d arranged for the private chef to only leave them breakfast while they’d explore the island and dinner would be at one of the various private locations set around for them. Lunch would change on a day to day basis depending on what they wanted. Louis rather liked that the staff who maintained the island were big on privacy and were rarely seen and never entered the private estates unless the patrons gave permission. On the other side of the island was a resort and spa where the staff lived and worked. He planned on taking Harry to the spa during one of their days on the island.

Pouring himself tea, he stands by the windows and admires the view while the soft tinkling melody of the piano drifts and is soon joined by the sound of Harry’s voice. At first Louis just enjoys the sound but then he starts to listen to Harry’s voice, his words and his heart sinks. 

_ I'm in my bed _

_ And you're not here _

_ And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands _

_ Forget what I said _

_ It's not what I meant _

_ And I can't take it back _

_ I can't unpack the baggage you left _

_ What am I now? _

_ What am I now? _

_ What if I'm someone I don't want around? _

_ I'm fallin' again _

_ I'm fallin' again _

_ I'm fallin' _

_ What if I'm down? _

_ What if I'm out? _

_ What if I'm someone you won't talk about? _

_ I'm fallin' again _

_ I'm fallin' again _

_ I'm fallin' _

There’s a pause and the song stops as if Harry is taking a rest or doing something else before the tune begins again without words. Louis knows that he can’t fix what he had a hand in ruining in a short time but he hoped that the trip would be a new start for them. He still remembered Zayn’s parting words to him before they’d left on their trip.

“You’re getting a second chance with him Louis. Don’t fuck it up this time.”

“Is that medical or psychological terminology now Zayn?”

“You know what I mean Louis. You may not get another chance with him. Don’t take it for granted.”

“Relax Zayn. Besides, we’re both under contract…”

Zayn had cut him off.

“I’m not talking about the contract Louis and you know it.”

He’d stared at Zayn before he picked up on his meaning but he had not argued or denied it. Zayn was often introspective and saw clearly through people’s facades and bullshit. Louis was good at compartmentalizing and had shoved Zayn’s words in the back of his head but now they kept coming back to haunt him.

_ You said you cared _

_ And you missed me, too _

_ And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you _

_ And the coffee's out _

_ At the Beachwood Café _

_ And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say _

He needed to keep himself busy and stop thinking of Zayn’s words. This was his time with Harry and the last thing he needed was Zayn putting ideas into his head. He prepares two plates of breakfast thinking Harry would enjoy the various offerings. He makes more tea as Harry’s voice continues to drift out. He recognized the song. Harry had been recording it in the studio. Louis had only caught the tale end of it and had no idea what the song was about until now. He wouldn’t bring it up and ask but he suspected this was yet another song about him. It was distressing to realize that some of Harry’s best work came about because of his own negligence towards him.

_ And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again _

It’s gone silent when Louis is finished. He moves back to the room where the piano is at and sees a shirtless Harry writing something in his journal. Harry looks up and smiles at Louis, closing his journal and leaving it on top of the piano, secure in the knowledge that it was safe and Louis wouldn’t pry.

“Breakfast is ready for us love if you’re hungry.”

“I am. I woke up early. Too early. Sleeping on the flight was not the best idea.”

Laughing, Louis refrained from saying, “I told you so.” to a sheepish Harry. When they enter the dining room, Harry is as expected, happy and excited to see their food.

“I did some research about this place. Did you know that 80% of their food is grown and harvested here on the island? The seafood is also locally sourced and anything not eaten goes to compost for their soil.”

Louis raises his eyebrows. When he’d done his research, he had focused on security and privacy and a place for Harry to heal and for them to work on their relationship. He had not thought about the environment or anything remotely related to that. Trust Harry to research that aspect of a vacation.

“I did not know that but it is a good thing to know. It takes some of the guilt out of not being able to eat all this food.”

Laughing, they enjoy eating and discussing their plans for the day.

“Jet lag will hit us both at some point today. Perhaps we take some time at the beach, rest and I’ll take you out to dinner tonight. There’s some scenic and secluded spots on the island where I’m assured they can set up a private dinner for us if you’re interested.”

Eyes twinkling, Harry agrees. 

“I’d love that. Do you mind if I work on my music today?”

“No not at all. It’s vacation Harry. You’re not set to a schedule or an itinerary. You are free to do whatever you like, whenever you like. If you’d rather spend the days alone and only see me for dinner, that would be alright to.”

Harry doesn’t respond to Louis’ comment but a small frown forms on his face. It had not occurred to him that Louis’ would give him so much freedom even during vacation.

“Lou? Can we talk now? After we eat?”

“Of course love. Let’s finish then we can go sit on the beach or anywhere in this villa to talk. We have much to say don’t we?”

Nodding, Harry finishes his breakfast and together they clear the dishes. They know someone will come in to clean up once they’re alerted to. Each go to dress in swim trunks and take towels and sunscreen with them. They walk down to the beach, keeping the conversation light as they find two lounge chairs under an umbrella for shade and a small set up for drinks. Nothing alcoholic as Louis had requested but there were mixers for virgin drinks and plenty of water for them. They each take ice water and help each other with sunscreen before settling in the chairs. 

Louis remains quiet and waits for Harry to begin. Harry is lost in thought and recalling what Zayn had told him before they’d left for the trip.

_ “Listen to your instincts Harry. I know things have been difficult but you’ve made so much progress. Everything you’ve gone through has brought you to this point in your life. You have all the control now over your life and your decisions.”   
“But how? Jeff said…” _

_ “I’m not talking about your career Harry or the contract. I’m talking about your personal life. Your life with Louis.” _

_ “What life? We’re under contract.” _

_ “Is that all Louis is to you Harry? A means to an end and a contract? A relationship with an expiration date? Is that why you’re still shutting him out and punishing him?” _

_ Surprise had etched itself on Harry’s face at Zayn’s statement. _

_ “I’m not...I mean. No. He’s a dom. Dom’s don’t get punished. Do they?” _

_ “What do you think you’re doing now Harry? It’s one thing to ask for time but it’s another to use that time to punish and hurt someone. I’m not saying you didn’t have good reason to ask for your space. You needed it but at some point you’re going to have to talk to Louis and confront all these issues between you both. That’s the only way you’re both going to be able to decide if your relationship ends when the contract does or if you want to go beyond the contract and try to be with each other as proper dom and sub.” _

_ “You think I should forgive him and move on?” _

_ “That’s something only you can figure out.” _

Turning to Louis, Harry decides that being blunt is the only way to get through this.

“I’m ready to talk now Louis. I need to ask you something. Please be honest with me. Why did you not let me talk to you and explain what happened after the Met? Was it because you were angry with me? Or you were ashamed and worried about your reputation?”

Louis sighs. He knew that at some point Harry would ask him. He owed it to him to be direct and honest.

“It was a little bit of everything Harry. Things were going so well between us. Truth is that in my head I started to blur the lines between a real relationship and a contract one. You’re the first and only sub I’ve ever let sleep in my bed with me.”

Harry’s mouth opens in shock. That can’t be right.

“What? But I thought…”

“You and everyone else assumed that I had sexual relationships with my previous subs but that is not the case. They were under contract and I guided them and taught them but we had distinct lines we did not cross. Hand holding and the occasional kiss in public but I have always been careful to keep things professional. With you, things were natural. I stopped seeing you as a contract and started to see you as Harry. After the Met, I first was worried because I couldn’t find you. Zayn and Niall helped me look but you had just disappeared. Then we realized Taylor was also missing and someone said they’d seen you both go backstage. You don’t know how I panicked at that. By the time I found you, well, you remember what happened. I admit I overreacted. I did it because I realized I’d blurred our lines and doing that could hurt you more in the end. I pulled back out of a stupid thought in my mind to protect you. I thought you needed rehab and therapy more than you needed me. Zayn helped me pull my head out to see I had fucked up but by then, you wanted nothing to do with me. For that I’m so sorry. I’m truly sorry I hurt you Harry. I ignored your needs and broke one of the most important rules of being a dom and that’s to care for your sub. I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I’m humble enough to ask you for it. Perhaps not now but I hope we can move forward. I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes and I promise to you that I won’t repeat them. I will always let your voice be heard. You’re your own person and deserve to be heard.”

Harry nods slowly, his heart racing at Louis’ admission. He kept getting stuck on Louis’ words that he began to blur their professional relationship and was seeing Harry as an actual sub. A personal relationship.

“Would you...Do you think you’d be open to having an actual relationship with me outside of the contract?”

Now it’s Louis’ turn to be surprised before he smiles at Harry and takes his hand.

“I wouldn’t be opposed but considering we’re still trying to regain our balance, we shouldn’t rush anything.”

“That’s fair.”

They continue to talk as the sun rises high in the sky signaling it was noon. Both of them were hungry so they returned to their villa to see what was set out for lunch. Excited, Harry whoops when he sees the makings for wraps. 

“Grilled chicken or vegetarian Lou?”

Louis gives him a look before shaking his head at Harry who knows full well Louis doesn’t particularly care for vegetarian anything.

Laughing, Harry prepares wraps for both of them while Louis sets out drinks. It was nice to relax and feel as if things were almost back to normal. Neither were fooled. They knew they still had a ways to go before they could trust each other fully but it was a start. They spend the rest of the day napping away the jet lag and only get out of bed to dress for dinner. 

“Where are we going?”

“To be honest, I’m not even sure. My instructions were for us to take the west path and we’d come across a clearing where dinner would be served.”

“Sounds like an adventure.”

When they leave, they joke and make comments about what they want to do while there.

“I forgot to mention. They do charter yachts if you want to spend a day on the boat, just us.”

“That sounds like fun. Not tomorrow but maybe in a few days?”

“Of course. We’re here for two weeks. There’s really no rush to do anything until we feel like it.”

They reach the clearing and Harry gasps and reaches out for Louis’ hand. The clearing is situated close to a cliff with a perfect view of the sunset and waves crashing against the rocks. Though their table wasn’t close to the cliff, they still had a perfect view of the island, the ocean and that beautiful sunset. When they sit, a silent waiter materializes and brings them the sparkling water Louis had requested and their appetizers before he leaves. Their entire dinner continues that way. The waiter would leave and then return, silent and smiling. Harry enjoys his fish while Louis takes advantage of eating steak, each giving the other bites of their plates to make it a true surf and turf dinner. Dessert was a rich crème brulee they shared amidst laughs about their worst travel moments.

“Do you want to head back to the villa or perhaps take a walk?”

“Can we take a walk? Just to walk off all this food. It was so good but I can’t eat another bite.”

They get up and walk back in the direction they came from, content to follow the path but instead of returning to the villa, they walk down a different path to explore just a little. When they reach a different clearing with a different view of the island, they stand together just admiring the stars as they start to illuminate the night sky. 

Harry will forever remember the moment clearly.

They stood there just watching the stars before Harry realizes Louis is not looking at the sky anymore. He’s looking at him. Looking back at Louis, they stare at each other before Louis leans in to give Harry a small kiss the way he used to. A chaste peck of the lips except this time when Louis breaks it off, they stare at each other again before Louis leans in to kiss Harry again. The kiss goes from a gentle meeting of lips to them making out as the sky fully darkens and the moon rises above them.

It’s Harry who finally breaks free from the kiss leaving them both panting. Before Louis can apologize or regret it, Harry takes his hand and walks with him back to the villa. Remembering what Zayn said, Harry reminds himself that he’s in control and he has more power than he realizes. They shower separately and when they climb into bed, Harry gives Louis a soft kiss on the cheek before turning around and settling in to sleep.

Louis smiles in the dark as he feels the tension he’d been carrying for so long finally loosen up. Spooning Harry, he places his arm gently around his waist and falls asleep.

For both, it’s the best sleep they’d each gotten in a while. 


	19. Collar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah! I'm so sorry I took longer than normal to post and I'm very sorry I didn't get to respond to the comments. I read them but with the holiday and the joys of being quarantined again, life got away from me. I hope you guys all enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry it's a short one but I'll make it up to you all next time.

The next few days went much in the same way. Harry would rise early for his sunrise yoga, they’d have breakfast together and then Harry would spend time on the piano or sometimes the guitar while Louis read or took solitary walks around the area. They’d lounge by the pool or go to the beach in the early afternoon before the sun got too hot. They’d hike, eat, joke around and laugh. In between their activities they’d stop and kill, sometimes make out but it never went further than that. Louis gave Harry all the space he needed and figured it had to be up to Harry to initiate anything. He’d already messed up with him before. He wasn’t going to do that again. Sometimes Harry would ask questions about the sub/dom relationships and Louis would patiently answer his questions, offer clarifications, help him with misconceptions and he’d also gently probe about his time at the academy. Though he was opening up more, Harry was still reluctant to give Louis a name. Louis had to be satisfied with the knowledge that Harry was slowly but surely opening up and that he had talked to Zayn. Louis also knew that the time to give Harry his collar was approaching. They were one week into their vacation and neither of them had mentioned it. The last thing he wanted was to rush Harry but he knew time was short. While Harry was tinkering with his guitar as he kept playing around with a song, Louis took the time to call the concierge to set something up Harry. He wanted it to be special even if it wasn’t real. He was slightly uneasy as to how Harry was going to take it. Perhaps he’d be angry or hurt. Maybe he’d be happy or relieved. It was hard to tell anymore. Harry was his own person now. He’d discovered his voice and if his new songs and lyrics were anything to go by, this was a more mature and adult Harry that would be returning to deal with Jeff, his team and his label. Assured that everything would be ready, Louis blows out a deep breath and goes to gather his things for a soak in the sauna.

He keeps listening to the strum of the guitar, a low murmur of a voice, Harry’s voice before it joins the guitar in a beautiful harmony. He wasn’t sure what the song was but he liked listening to the progress Harry made. This went on for more than two hours before Harry came out and joined Louis outside. He sits and places his feet in the water while Louis sits in the sauna. He stays quiet for a while until Louis breaks the silence between them.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. No. Just having one of those moments where the song isn’t coming together right. I get frustrated with myself when this happens. It’s as if the song is just sitting there in the recesses of my brain but it won’t quite make its presence known. I don’t know if that makes any sense.”

“It’s alright. I understand. What do you usually do when this happens?”

“Usually I work with a team and they tend to take over they creative process until the song is nothing like what I had envisioned.”

Louis frowns at this admission. He had always assumed Harry had more creative control over his music.

“May I ask you something Harry?”

“Sure.”

“Your previous music. Who wrote them?”

“Oh.You mean songs like ‘No Control’ and ‘Rock Me’?”

“Among others.”

Harry laughs at Louis dry comment.

“Well, wrote parts of them but they didn’t quite match what management wanted me to sing so they had the other songwriters rewrite parts of the original songs.”

“So this image you have. It was cultivated by Jeff and your team.”

“Sort of. I mean, they wanted me to have this image of a womanizer when I was 16. Each year things got progressively worse for me. They’d have me pair up and have relationships with older women to cultivate the image. I was supposed to be appealing to doms and subs but somewhere along the way, I stopped being me and started becoming the promiscuous pop star everyone assumed I was.”

This admission bothered Louis. The more he got to know Harry, the more he realized that it was his own management and team who had let Harry down. He’d been a very impressionable teenager relying on the adults around him to mold him. They’d taken the sweet innocent sub and with the influence of the bastard at the academy, they’d all manipulated and let him down.

“Why do you ask?”

“Oh. No reason really. I was just curious. I haven’t spent nearly enough time actually talking and getting to know you beyond the surface things.”

A bright smile lit Harry’s face as he joined Louis in the sauna. A low moan escapes his lips as he closes his eyes and sits back completely relaxed.

“This is heavenly. Why haven’t we done this before?”

“We’ll add it to the list of things to do here. Now, how do you feel about a private dinner on one of the chartered boats here?”

“What? Really? We can do that?”

“It’s already been taken care of. Rather than eating at one of the various areas throughout the island, I arranged for us to have our dinner on one of the boats.”

“It sounds wonderful! I can’t wait.”

They spend the day soaking up the sun, eating and resting. Soon enough it’s time for them to get ready. 

Though they’re on vacation, Louis wants this to be special for them.

“Harry love? I’d like to choose your outfit for tonight if you’re alright with it.”

Surprised, Harry looks at Louis before nodding shyly. He knows this is something many doms like to do for their subs. Louis had not gone out of his way yet to start asserting himself as Harry’s dom just yet but the fact that he was asking was a big step for them both. 

Harry takes a shower while Louis sets out his clothing for him. When he’s done, Louis goes to shower while Harry changes into white linen trousers and a silk pink shirt. He keeps the top buttons undone and brushes his hair as Louis steps out in navy blue trousers and a white shirt. They’re a striking pair together as they set out to the small marine where their boat is waiting for them. Harry’s jaw drops when he sees the boat.

“Ummm...Louis? This isn’t a boat. This is a yacht!”

Laughing, Louis takes his hand and leads him on board.

“Yacht. Boat. What difference does it make?”

“We need to discuss your idea of different.”

“Another time love. Tonight, it’s for us.”

Once they board the boat, they’re each given a glass of champagne.

“You don’t have to drink it love. I don’t want you to break your sobriety.”

“Thank you. I don’t mind. I don’t ever want to be in a situation where I have to depend on alcohol to get through anything. I haven’t had a drink in a while because it was my choice not to drink. I’m with you and I trust you Lou. I know you would never let me go too far.”

“Alright. One glass of champagne then and that’s it. It’s wise to know your limits and when to stop.”

As the yacht sets out, they enjoy watching the light of the sun glinting off the water. They’re interrupted by the voice of a crew member.

“Excuse me sirs. Your dinner is served.”

They go together to the top deck where they find a table for two with appetizers set under a silver dome. Louis pulls Harry’s chair out for him before taking a seat himself.

“This is beautiful Louis. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome. I wanted us to have a memorable vacation and dinner. I think we’ve both earned it.”

“That’s true. It’s been a lot of fun. I can’t believe a week has flown by already.”

They spend dinner and dessert talking, laughing and making decisions about what they’d still like to do with the remaining week they have. They spend two solid hours on the water, lazily enjoying their dinner and dessert before watching the water as they finally make their way back to the small harbor.

“This flew by real fast.”

Smiling, Louis takes Harry’s hand and kisses it as they watch the harbor get bigger and bigger.

“It’s not over yet. The yacht is ours for the night.”

Harry looks over at him in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“Once we dock, the crew will disembark and we will spend the night here on the yacht. They’ve left food, snacks and drinks for us and will have breakfast for us in the morning but we can watch the sunset together, there’s a small screening room if you want to watch a movie, I can call the resort and have them send someone to give us massages. The choice is yours.”

Excited, Harry gives a little leap of joy as he impatiently waits for everyone to leave.

“Get them all off! Let’s relax! Watch a movie! Talk. Read. Sing silly songs together!”

Louis can’t help but laugh at Harry’s enthusiasm. 

“Sure. We can do all that. I took the liberty of having them put clothes for us here. Nothing fancy. Swim trunks, robes and clothes for tomorrow as well as pajamas.”

“You’ve thought of everything. This is going to be fun!”

Once everyone else has disembarked, Louis gets a little nervous. They leave the top deck and go lower to where their bedroom was at. 

It was now or never. Twilight time.

“Did you say something?”

“Oh. I said it was twilight.”

Looking at the sky, Harry stares with a small smile on his face. The lights of the stars were starting to come out.

“I’ll be right back yeah?”

Nodding, Harry continues to stare at the sky as he waits for Louis to return. When he does, he moves behind Harry and whispers to him.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Close your eyes Harry.”

Trusting Louis, Harry closes his eyes and waits for whatever surprise Louis has for him. He hears a sound he doesn’t recognize but he doesn’t worry.

“Open them.”

When he does, he looks confused before his eyes land on the item in Louis’ hands. There nestled in velvet is a pearl collar. His jaw dropping, he reaches out with one shaky hand to brush his fingertips along the tops of the beautiful pearls. He notices the gold clasp in the shape of a sunflower then looks up to Louis’ face.

“I could not in good conscience give you something chosen by Jeff or your management. Giving a sub a collar is the sign of absolute trust and loyalty between a couple. I wanted to design and choose one for you myself. One that meant something regardless of how it came to be. This collar from me to you represents my trust in you and my loyalty to you. As long as you wear it, you are my sub. No other shall ever come before you. This symbolizes my commitment to you Harry. Will you wear it?”

Harry is stunned. He had never really let himself think of what this moment would be like for himself. He’d never thought it would happen and when Jeff had taken that choice from them both, he had resigned himself to wearing what his label had chosen. The fact that Louis had gone out of his way to do this for him meant so much to him. No one had ever gone out of their way for him like this. He doesn’t trust himself to speak so he simply nods. Louis removes it from the box it came in and undoes the clasp. He reaches out to place it around Harry’s neck, his fingertips brushing along Harry’s collarbones as he locks the clasp and adjusts the collar. Just as he had imagined, it fit perfectly. It was not a choker as was fashionable but it was clearly a collar and not a pearl necklace. The sunflower clasp stood out among the luminescent pearls and the sun kissed skin on Harry. He leans forward and gives Harry a kiss before taking his hand and leads them back inside the yacht to the bedroom. Standing in front of a mirror, he lets Harry look more clearly at the collar and himself.

“You’re beautiful Harry. Never think differently. Pearls symbolize purity, integrity and loyalty. To me, you represent all three. That is why I chose these for you. Despite all you have gone through, you’re still you Harry. The sweet 16 year old who dreamed of making music and making others happy.”

When tears roll down Harry’s face, Louis wipes them away and holds Harry. He knows this is an emotional moment and he wants Harry to adjust to the change the collar represents. When Harry has settled a bit, Louis moves back and smiles at him.

“What about that movie?”

Biting his lip, Harry shakes his head. He doesn’t want to watch a movie. A leap of faith. That’s what he wanted to do.

“No to a movie? What do you want to do then?”

Rather than speak, Harry’s eyes track to the bed before going back to Louis. It takes Louis a moment before he understands.

“Harry. Are you sure? I need to hear you say it love. Use your words.”

“I want you to take me to bed.”


	20. In His Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's smut. From beginning to end, this chapter is all smut. I apologize for the short length but this chapter is devoted strictly to smut. 
> 
> If you like it, YAY!  
> If you hate it, damn. I'm not the best smut writer but I tried.

Louis and Harry were making out for quite a while after Harry’s revelation. Though Harry was anxious and excited, he was also enjoying how slow Louis was going and how he was in no particular rush. Louis had so far only wrapped his hands around Harry’s waist. It was a tease, of that Harry was certain. His own blood was rushing South and really all he wanted was for Louis to take him to bed and pound into him until he forgot his own name. Everytime he tried to drag his own hands to touch Louis, he’d move Harry’s hands away from his bum or from grabbing his cock. To say that Harry was getting frustrated was putting it mildly. It’s only moments later that Louis pulls back, enjoying Harry’s puffy red lips and the glazed look in his eyes. A small smirk crosses his face as he looks at Harry. Leaning in closer, Louis whispers softly in Harry’s ear.

“Use your colors love. Tell me if there’s something you don’t like and don’t want.”

“Alright. Yes.”

He gets no further than giving verbal consent when he feels Louis suddenly lift him, his legs instinctively wrapping around Louis’ waist as Louis carries him to the bed. When he lays him down, Harry gives a soft moan when Louis’ weight is suddenly on him, settling easily between his legs as he continues to kiss Harry, each kiss becoming more demanding as he teases Harry by tracing his tongue over his lips, gently biting Harry’s bottom lip then placing soft kisses around his jaw, his chin and then tracing them down his neck. Louis straddles him, his hands lightly ghosting over Harry’s shirt. As always, Louis checks on Harry to make sure he’s still comfortable.

“Can I take off your shirt?”

Harry nods before he remembers one of the rules of their relationship.

“Yes sir.”

“Just Louis. Tonight, I’m Louis.”

Now Harry’s smile widens, his dimples popping as he sits up to help facilitate the removal of his shirt. He then hesitantly reaches out, his eyes asking for permission from Louis who gives him a subtle nod. Harry undoes each button slowly, teasing himself. He’s seen Louis shirtless many times but he’s never had the privilege of actually touching him. Of using his fingers to trace the planes of the golden skin now on display. As he’s using his fingertips to memorize the feel of Louis’s skin, Louis is doing the same to him. Louis traces the tattoos using his fingers, his touch causing Harry to shiver in anticipation. They remain that way for a while before Louis breaks off their kissing, his blue eyes staring at Harry, his expression almost hungry yet still he remains in control. Oh how Harry longed to break that control of his but for now he was content to have this time with Louis. Louis’ kisses remain gentle, designed to drive Harry crazy. Louis was no fool. He was aware that Harry’s past sexual experiences focused strictly on getting off and moving on. He was pretty sure no one had ever paid attention to Harry, to learn his body and what he liked and disliked. He was willing to bet that Harry himself wasn’t fully aware of what his own body was capable of. Louis was determined to begin to instruct Harry correctly and for that, their first time together had to be perfect. Games and domination could come later. Right now, it was just them in the moment. 

Moving lower, Louis presses kisses, gives little bites and teases Harry’s body making him moan softly. No part of his chest and stomach was left untouched. Harry was squirming from just pleasure he was receiving from Louis. He lets out a low moan when Louis surprises him when his tongue and teeth make sudden contact with his nipple. Each one was caressed and sucked on. Harry’s fists clenched on the sheets, his hips beginning to rut up against Louis, desperate for friction and relief. Noticing this, Louis pulls back.

“Not yet love. I haven’t given you permission for that yet.”

The look of disappointment on Harry’s face was priceless but Louis wasn’t done. He puts his hands on the waistband of Harry’s trousers, his fingers teasing the skin just beneath.

“May I?”

“Yeah...yes. Please.”

Louis slowly unzips his trousers and gently pulls them down his legs. Inch by inch more of his skin is exposed. Tattoos against golden skin kissed by their time in the sun. He remains only in his briefs as he watches Louis stand and remove his own trousers. He swallows when Louis returns to him and resumes their makeout session. It’s getting heavier for them as lips meet and tongues wrestle for dominance. Louis’ impeccable control remains but he’s also feeling the need to feel more, to touch more. Again he breaks their kiss and looks at Harry, his hand caressing the side of Harry’s face and his thumb tracing the fullness of his lips. He keeps his eyes on Harry’s face as he maneuvers Harry’s briefs off with one hand. 

Trust

This is what it is. It’s an exercise in trust between dominant and submissive. Harry is willing to let Louis do what he wants while Louis is giving Harry more power in their relationship. Harry’s moans turn to gasps as Louis begins to kiss down his body until he feels Louis’ nose nudge against his cock. 

“Oh god. Lou? What are you…”

He never gets to finish his sentence. He feels the wet warmth of Louis’ mouth wrap itself around him and all rational thought leaves. He can only focus on the pleasure Louis gives him as he teases him with his tongue when he licks the head of his cock. He struggles not to raise his hips and fuck into Louis’ mouth when he feels Louis take more of his length into his own mouth and he gives a broken groan when Louis’ head bobs up and down making Harry have to fight hard not to release right then and there.

“Lou...please...can I…”

Louis breaks off, bracketing Harry’s body with his own.

“No you may not. I want to give you so much tonight Harry. You may not cum yet. Just hold off a bit longer for me yeah?”

“Ok...I’ll try…”

Harry is a writhing panting mess. His body is covered in a light sheen of sweat from his struggle to maintain some semblance of control but Louis was making it so hard for him. He only dimly registers a soft click from somewhere close to him.

“Open your eyes love and tell me your color.”

He does as Louis asks and sees the bottle of lube in his hand. 

“Green. Please.”

It’s all the permission Louis needs. He spreads lube on his fingers and starts to kiss Harry again. Deep kisses eliciting gasps from Harry as he kisses Louis back with everything he has. He only jolts slightly when he feels Louis’ finger tease his rim, a gentle sensation before he feels the sudden pressure of Louis breaching him. He moans from the action. He’s not in pain rather it’s been a while since he’s had sex of any kind having it with Louis now was intoxicating to his senses. He felt as if all the nerve endings in his body were on overdrive from Louis’ constant touching of his body. One finger soon becomes two when Harry’s body begins to act of its own accord. He’s starting to rut against Louis’ fingers, eager for something. For more. A sudden brush of Louis’ fingers against his prostate makes him arch up from the bed, a loud moan issuing from his lips before he collapses on the bed. His eyes are wide as he stares at Louis in shock. It takes Louis only seconds to realize that Harry had never had someone pay this much attention to him. He was unaware of the pleasure he could find within his own body. Again his fingers brush that spot and Harry moans again, louder. His hips move to find that spot again. He wants it so bad then gasps when Louis enters a third finger. In and out he moves, each thrust of his fingers brush Harry’s sweet spot as Harry’s moans grow louder and more desperate. 

“Lou...please...I can’t…”

He feels the sudden emptiness as Louis removes his fingers and kisses him again. When Louis breaks their kiss, he’s gasping for breath and desperate for Louis to be inside of him. He’s relieved when he sees Louis reach over for a condom from the nightstand. With a sudden burst o f clarity, he reaches out his hand and stops Louis. He takes the condom from his hand and sits up, trusting Louis. He takes the condom and decides to get a little teasing of his own done. He grasps Louis’ cock with his hand as he places the condom right on top. He slowly rolls it down, making sure his fingers lightly brush against him. Louis waits patiently as Harry then drizzles lube down over him, spreading it to make sure Louis’ was covered and would make it easier for him to finally, FINALLY fuck Harry.

It’s as if Louis reads his mind. He leans in again to kiss Harry but this kiss is soft and gentle. He nudges Harry to lay on his back as he continues to kiss him. Finally he pulls away and adjusts himself between Harry’s legs. Harry wraps his legs around Louis’ waist as he adjusts himself and slowly begins to nudge into Harry, slowly so as not to hurt him. He finally breaches him, Harry softly moaning at the intrusion. He was prepped well but it was still important to not rush. Louis enters him slowly, pausing every so often so that Harry got used to him. When he finally bottoms out, he caresses Harry’s lips until Harry finally relaxes and gives Louis permission to move.

And move he does. He starts out slow, gently thrusting into Harry to get Harry used to Louis being inside of him. It’s not long though before Harry wants more.

“Move faster. Please. Harder…”

He can barely choke out the words when Louis decides they’ve had enough teasing and foreplay between them. He pulls one of Harry’s legs higher and starts to thrust hard and deep. The change in angle positions him perfectly to hit Harry’s prostate each time turning a previous moaning and writhing Harry into a loud screaming mess. His hands roam Louis’ back, his nails digging into his skin as he enjoys the feel of Louis inside of him. He starts to feel that low burning in the bottom of his stomach alerting him that he was close. So close. Louis must somehow know.

“Go ahead love. Let go for me.”

Louis gentle whisper, a caress against his ear is all Harry needs. With a loud cry, his body tenses before he cums between them, his body clenching around Louis who groans and with a few more thrusts releases into the condom. Both men seemingly collapse against each other. Their heavy breathing is the only sound in the room as the night air caresses their sweaty skin. They lay there together for a long while but Louis still has the wherewithal to gently pull out. Harry gives a soft whine but then settles. Louis ties the condom off and throws it into the waste bin near the bed. He then gets up to go to the bathroom to start the water for a shower for them. Returning to the room, he helps a completely fucked out Harry up. He limps slowly to the shower with Louis’ help. He’s so tired but it’s a good exhaustion. Harry smiles as Louis gently washes his body. A shower could be a sexual and sensual act but in this moment, it was a gentle and loving act of a dom caring for his sub. When he’s finished, he quickly cleans himself before shutting off the water. He takes a towel from the warming rack and gently dries off Harry who is almost falling asleep standing up. He’s fast as he puts lotion all over Harry who has a routine Louis is well versed with. Smelling of vanilla, Louis guides his very tired sub back to bed. He tucks Harry in before getting into bed with him and spoons him. Harry softly murmurs something but it was too garbled to make out. Louis gives him a kiss on his shoulder as he holds him and watches his sub fall asleep in his arms. As he too starts to succumb to sleep, he feels Harry turn around and face him. Again Harry mumbles something and somewhere in the back of his mind, Louis registers what Harry said but he falls asleep before he can process Harry’s words to him.


	21. Louis Tomlinson is a little shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? An update so soon? Muse is high. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I appreciate them all. I’ll respond hopefully soon.

_ It finally happened. Louis and I. I’ve been wondering about this and wanting it for so long and it finally happened. It was… _

_ Indescribable _

_ Louis gifted me a collar but it wasn’t the one Jeff selected. Louis had this one made specifically for me. It’s beautiful. Pearls and a sunflower clasp. He knows me so well doesn’t he?  _

_ Sunflower _

_ Sunflower _

_ My eyes _

_ Want you more than a melody _

_ He inspires me. Random melodies and words filter into my mind and I know that they’ll become songs. I just know it. _

_ He didn’t treat me like I’m damaged or fragile or broken. Louis doesn’t see me as used good. This was the first time for me having it be like this. Is it always like this between doms and subs? I’ll have to ask Zayn. Speaking of which, I should probably call him just to keep him current on how I’m doing. He told me to enjoy my time away and we’d schedule a longer session when I return but I want to talk to him before. This shift in our dynamic. This change between Louis and I. I don’t know how to handle it. Do I continue being myself? Do I start to act more sub like? Submissive? I’m a terrible submissive, I know but Louis always corrects me gently and never demeans me when he does so.  _

_ I left Louis in bed because I woke early and just felt the urge to come write. I needed to get this out.  _

_ OH MY GOD IT WAS AMAZING! _

_ Sex with Louis is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. He took his time with me. It wasn’t fast or rough or painful. He was… _

_ It was unlike anything I knew was possible. I didn’t wake up bruised or sore. There was no feeling of shame either. I’m limping. I can admit it but it’s a good pain. One I’d like to experience again and again with Lou. Maybe later today? The villa is secluded and the beach is private. Is beach sex a good idea? I can only imagine sand getting into some unfortunate places. That kills the romance doesn’t it? I’d google it but we both agreed to keep our internet use to a minimum. I could ask Zayn. He’d probably laugh and tell me to go find out on my own.  _

_ I said something to Louis. I wonder if he heard me. I know I said it because it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I hope he remembers and I hope he knows I meant it. _

_ I should get more sleep. It’s about another hour or so til sunrise and I’d like to be in Louis’ arms when that happens. It’s beautiful here but not more beautiful than him. _

_ Sunflower, sunflower _

He puts his journal down but doesn’t mark it. He doesn’t want Louis to read those pages just yet. Maybe later. He’s secure in the knowledge that Louis won’t break his trust by opening and reading his journal without permission. Harry crawls back into bed, resting his head on his pillow as Louis moves unconsciously closer to him. He enjoys the warmth of Louis’ body pressed against his. It doesn’t take long for him to fall back asleep.

The sky slowly begins to lighten, it’s inky dark hues turning to a lighter shade of lavender and pink as the sun rose. The shadows in their room start to be chased away giving Harry the perfect opportunity to look at Louis’ features in sleep. Having just woken up again, Harry had taken the time to just stare and not be called a creeper. He’d seen Louis so many times but this time was different. He’d been good at looking at Louis objectively, admitting Louis was a handsome man and certainly one he enjoyed seeing himself next to in articles and social media but now, it gave him butterflies to really look at Louis, satisfied in the knowledge that he was his. He was Louis’ sub. Louis had made that clear to him by presenting him a special collar he had taken the time to specially select for him. It wasn’t some simple token or prop to Louis. A collar meant something and Harry wasn’t stupid. He knew Louis had never collared a sub before. At least not publicly. He was curious to ask but he’d wait for that. Right now, he wanted to enjoy this time together. His time with Louis. He really believed it was a new start for them. Sure it had all started as a contract relationship but he believed that there was hope for him and Louis to surpass the contract and stay together. It was a little scary to come to that realization for Harry. He’d never had a proper relationship before much less one with a dom. It was new to him. The more he thought about it, the more nervous he felt. He had so much baggage. Would Louis even be willing to overlook his issues and…

His thoughts are broken by the soft murmur of Louis’ voice.

“You’re thinking too loud love.”

Harry smiles wide and just snuggles closer to Louis who wraps his arms around Harry. Closing his eyes, Harry decides to forego sunrise yoga and get a little more rest with Louis.

It’s well past sunrise when Harry finally wakes up again. Louis is now on his stomach, still asleep and apparently really enjoying himself. Harry snorts out a laugh as he realizes he’s on the very edge of the rather large bed and Louis is starfished in the middle. All the covers are on Louis while Harry has the edge of a sheet. One wrong move and he’d end up on the floor thanks to Louis and his bed hogging ways. 

“A chink in the armor. I found a flaw in Louis. He’s a bed and blanket hog.”

Laughing to himself, Harry gets up from his tiny corner of the bed and stretches out his well used muscles. He takes one of the luxurious robes from the wardrobe and goes to find breakfast. His stomach is alerting him to the fact that it’s well past time to eat. He moves to the kitchen, humming the same melody he’d woken up to as he fixes himself a bowl of granola with fruit and yogurt. He pours himself tea and keeps humming when he feels arms wrap around his waist. Turning around, he’s pleasantly surprised when Louis kisses him in the kitchen, their kiss going passionate almost from the start. Louis finally breaks away and then plants kisses along Harry’s jaw before giving him one soft kiss on his lips.

“Good morning.”

“Morning. Let me fix you something. I know you’re not the granola and fruit type.”

Louis laughs and agrees as he makes himself some tea. They take their breakfasts out to the deck and eat while enjoying the sun and balmy morning breeze.

“What would you like to do today love?”

“Can we spend time on the beach and relax today? I don’t know if my body can handle a hike or snorkeling. I just want to laze the day away. Have a nice dinner somewhere on the island. Maybe have lunch brought out to us when we request it.”

Louis leans in to kiss him again before agreeing.

“Your wish is my command.”

As promised, they spend their day on the beach relaxing. Harry’s hand keeps going to his neck, pouting slightly when he doesn’t feel the pearls. He wasn’t dumb and knew the pearl collar had to be taken care of. Taking it out on the beach was not a good idea.

“Lou?”

“Yes love?”

“When we get back, can we perhaps look into a different type of collar? One that I can wear during mundane everyday tasks like my yoga or when I go on runs. I don’t want to ruin my beautiful pearl collar but I have to admit I feel strange without one on.”

Louis gives a noncommittal shrug then stands and goes to rummage in their beach tote for something. When he returns, he has something else in his hands.

“I thought of that. We will pick out a few for you when we return. Things you like but for now, will this do?”

He holds out a collar made out of simple shells.

“It’s not fancy but it’s suitable for vacation and it’s a good memento of our time here. Will you wear it?”

Harry’s smiling so wide, his dimples have created deep creases in his cheeks.

“When did you get this?”

“The day we arrived. I asked if they had anything like this and had them sent up when you were in the bath.”

“Sneaky of you.”

“I prefer to think I’m full of surprises.”

Harry feels the shell collar around his neck and smiles before standing up to collect their lunch but not without a parting shot at Louis.

“Sneaky sneak sneak!”

He’s turned around laughing when he feels a sharp swat on his ass. Yelping, he turns to see Louis laughing at him.

“What’s that again?”

Rather than respond, Harry sticks his nose in the air and goes to the terrace to collect the provided lunches. When they’re done, Louis adjusts the large umbrella providing them shade so they don’t burn. Harry takes out additional sunscreen and allows Louis to slather it liberally on him.

“Your turn now.”

Harry helps Louis by rubbing it on his back but he can’t help but admire the planes of Louis back as well as the scratches he knows he made. He turns around and starts to rub the sunscreen on Louis’ chest, his hands moving slowly, gently teasing the sensitive skin at the waistband of his trunks. He continues to gently smooth his fingers across Louis’ body before looking up and sees Louis bright blue eyes looking at him. He gets bolder as his fingers slide down his swim trunks. He keeps staring at Louis as he suddenly feels Louis' own hands slide under his own swim trunks. Leaning forward, he begins to kiss Louis as they each begin to fondle each other. As their kiss deepens, they both start to mutually pleasure each other. Harry moans into Louis mouth as Louis expertly wraps his hand across Harry’s length. He slowly lowers them both on their towels where they lay side by side, hands wrapped around each other as Louis begins to kiss and suck down Harry’s neck. Harry’s moans grow louder as he feels dual sensations of Louis lips on his neck and his hand stroking expertly. He’s tense, the fire in the low part of his abdomen only growing, telling him he’s close. He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he should ask permission but he’s too far gone. Harry cums with a shout, his body tensing then relaxing. It’s a while before he comes down from his high. It’s then that he realizes a few things. First, he came without permission. Shit. Second, his hand was covered with Louis’ release. That was good right? Third, Louis was looking at him with a smirk on his face. 

“Harry?”

“I’m sorry!”

Louis laughs softly before kissing Harry softly. 

“Let’s go clean up yeah?”

Harry’s relieved. Louis wasn’t mad. He stands up with Louis' help and they both stumble back to the villa to shower together. 

Later that night…

_ Louis is a shit. A royal shit.  _

_ Maybe I’m being unfair.  _

_ He’s still a shit though.  _

_ We had a beautiful dinner. He’s an amazing conversationalist and gives me so much hope. When I mentioned I wanted to go to Jamaica someday, he smiled and said he’d gladly take me. He’s been there and offered to play tour guide. He made me so happy. Louis doesn’t make promises he can’t keep. He remembered what I said. It means a lot to me that he remembered.  _

_ When we returned to the villa, we shared another bath together. This one was different. It was so sexy. We kissed and touched. When we were in bed, Louis made me feel as if I was the only one in existence. He was making love to me.  _

_ And then he became a shit.  _

_ He didn’t let me cum.  _

_ Damn you Louis Tomlinson.  _

_ He explained it. It was punishment. I get it but it doesn’t make me feel better. My color was green but I’m still mad. This is so uncomfortable. He said if I’m a good boy and don’t touch myself, I’d be rewarded tomorrow.  _

_ Little shit. I can’t tell him that but damn you Louis. Lesson learned. Never cum without permission.  _

_ I’m still singing the song. I need to start writing it down. Maybe tomorrow. I have to remind myself that he remembered. No ever has. I asked him to not let me wake up alone. Just once I wanted to not wake up alone. He remembered.  _

_ I couldn't want you any more _

_ Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor _

  
  



	22. Intuition or I have a bad feeling about this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me preface by apologizing for taking so long to update. I normally update every 2-3 days but I found out I had been exposed TWICE to Covid and had to get tested then tested again to make sure I was in fact Negative (YAY!) so my muse was low as I waited to find out if my symptoms were bad allergies, the flu or Covid. I've never been so thankful for my allergies until now. Dealing with them is preferable to the alternative. 
> 
> On that note, this chapter is shorter than normal but you will definitely see where it's heading and have a good grasp as to what's going to happen in the next chapter. Things are slowly coming to a head for Harry and Louis and it won't be pretty.
> 
> Stay safe everyone!

Louis watched Harry sleep as their flight made its way into London’s Heathrow airport. Though they were still flying on a private plane, Jeff already knew their itinerary and would make sure there were plenty of paps on hand to take their pictures. Harry had been understandably nervous about their return but he had recovered fast. His sessions with Zayn and his reconnection with Louis along with their escalation to intimacy seemed to really help with his self-confidence. Louis had insisted Harry make an appointment to see Zayn the day after their arrival. With his newfound confidence still a bit shaky, Louis wanted to make sure Harry would be able to handle the scrutiny the news of his collaring would bring. The media would hit hard at this news and Jeff wanted them to officially confirm it. Not with a statement from their publicists but rather he wanted both Harry and Louis to post something on social media that confirmed it. A joint statement or something would suffice. It irritated Louis that Jeff was attempting to insert himself into every aspect of his relationship with Harry. His need for control over Harry was grating but he knew the game and for now, they had to abide by the rules. It still gave him immense satisfaction that Harry was wearing his collar and not the one Jeff had selected for Harry. Knowing they’re due to land in the next 20, Louis begins to wake Harry up by planting small kisses on his head and rubbing his hands while calling his name. It didn’t take long for Harry to open his eyes then give Louis a smile that made his dimples pop.

“Are we there?”

“Almost love. It shouldn’t be much longer.”

Nodding, Harry stretches his legs out before sitting up. Once the sleepiness is tapering off, he remembers what’s expected of them and starts to tense up. 

“It’s alright love. Take deep breaths. Remember what I told you. You’re in control .Yes we are still playing Jeff’s game but we are changing the rules. The paps are there. Just remember what I told you. Be yourself. Let’s turn this game on its head and really give them something to talk about yeah?”

At Louis’ words, Harry gives a small laugh and nods. He knows what to do. Though they’d never discussed specifics, Harry knew that Louis was trusting him. As the plane lands, Harry fidgets with the buttons on his shirt. He’s wearing a loose fitting light blue button down shirt designed to accent his suntan and pearls. That had been important to him and Louis. They wanted the focus to be on the pearls. Once they land and go through a private entrance and customs, Louis holds Harry’s hand before they walk out to where they know paps and fans alike are waiting. Louis was irritated by this. Jeff had assured them only a few trusted paps would capture the moment but clearly he either lied or someone leaked their arrival information. Security was already in place to allow them to get to their car quickly but they’d have to get through a small crowd of paparazzi and screaming fans.

“Ready?”

Harry gives Louis a dazzling smile and nods. He’s more than ready. Returning his smile, Louis adjusts the collar just as the double doors open and they’re immediately bombarded with flashing lights and screams and questions being hurled at them. Everyone sees Louis’ hands on Harry’s collar before Harry gives Louis a quick kiss that was caught on camera sending the fans into an uproar. Louis wasn’t expecting the kiss especially in such a public setting but he’d given the power to Harry. He had to be comfortable and find his own limits and boundaries. Public displays of affection? It seemed Harry was into them and Louis didn’t mind as long as they were respectful and tasteful. Both men smile at each other while ignoring everyone demanding their attention. They take a moment before walking into the terminal. Harry’s hand goes to his collar as his smile widens before it drops and he waves to the fans. Squeezing Louis’ hand, he motions towards where some young teenage girls are in tears as they snap pictures and videos on their phones. Louis knows where Harry is going with this and on impulse, he does something he’s never done before. He guides Harry to the barrier where the fans are at and talks with them with Harry. He indulges them in selfies with himself and Harry and despite Jeff’s insistence they don’t speak to the paps, they instead choose to talk to the fans to confirm that Louis did in fact give Harry a collar. When asked how, Harry was forthright and honest.

“He surprised me by taking me for a lovely holiday. It was very private and romantic. On the night he collared me, he took me out for a romantic dinner on a yacht that he rented for the night. At twilight, he brought out this box and there was the collar. He asked and I accepted. It was one of the best night’s of my life.”

For a brief moment, Louis and Harry just look at each other, wide smiles on their faces as they remember that moment. Their expressions are clearly captured on cameras and videos alike. It lasts only moments but it’s enough. As both men bid farewell to the fans, they move quickly to their waiting car and climb in. As they speed away from the airport, they both laugh at how they’d handled it and how Jeff must be fuming. They don’t need to check social media. They both know the fans took care of that for them and even now the pictures of them and Harry confirming the change in their relationship is trending. They’re both relieved when they arrive home. Though Louis’ neighborhood is private, they notice more neighbors than usual out and about casually strolling near their home.

“Nosy people with no lives.”

Harry laughs at Louis’ words but he can’t really argue. He knows it’s true. They quickly step out of the car and into the house. Blessed peace and quiet. Both bask momentarily in the peace and quiet before they’re surprisingly interrupted.

“Well you two sure know how to break the Internet don’t you?”

“Zayn!”

Harry moves to give him a big hug. Though slightly surprised, Zayn responds back and gives Harry a hug in return. They had a professional relationship but over the months he has known Harry and the trauma he endured over someone he trusted at the academy, he had knowingly crossed the patient/doctor relationship and saw Harry as a friend as well. Louis walks over to him to give him a hug as well then asks the very obvious question.

“What are you doing here mate?”

“I had originally planned on waiting for Harry to call me to set up an appointment but in the hour since you’ve both arrived, you’ve managed to break the bloody Internet and set the media on fire with rumors, speculation and gossip over your relationship. I wanted to be here to talk to you both about how this will affect you and what to expect now that the interest in you both is not only renewed but also more intense than anything I’ve ever seen. I won’t take much of your time but there was another reason I wanted to see you both.”

“It’s alright Zayn. Stay awhile. Let’s have some tea and just relax for a bit.”

“No, I really can’t stay but I won’t say no to tea for a bit.”

The woman was magic. No sooner than Zayn said that than Mary appeared to inform them she had tea and light refreshments ready for them in the salon.

“Louis, that woman is worth her weight in gold. Is this house bugged that she knows everything?”

“No but I swear she reads minds. She knows what I need or want before I even realize it.”

The three men go to the salon where Harry takes the liberty of pouring tea for everyone. When he sits, he looks at Zayn expectantly. He knows something is up but he genuinely has no idea what’s going on.

“Let me preface this by saying that I only found out by accident. I rarely bother with social media or the gossip columns but it popped up in the news shortly after the first pictures of you at the airport surfaced today. It’s been less than two hours and your team Harry has already sent out a notice that you both will be giving an interview to the BBC tomorrow about the collaring.”

Harry’s mouth opens in shock while Louis squeezes his hand in comfort.

“It’s Jeff. He’s doing this as punishment because we are rewriting the pathetic narrative he keeps trying to force on us.”

“I thought as much. As Harry’s therapist, I strongly advise against him giving this interview but I also know Jeff will not be accepting of a negative response regardless of reason. We have two choices. Either beg off and buy some time by saying Harry is ill or go ahead with the interview but I must be present.”

Now it’s Harry’s turn to speak up, speaking slowly and deliberately as he chooses his words carefully.

“I trust you Zayn and I know you want what’s best for me but is this really necessary. Louis will be there with me and can keep me from losing my temper or saying too much.”

“It’s not about that Harry. The media and interviewers will try to trip you up. They will bring up your past and question you both relentlessly about your relationship. I’d feel better if I was there just in case you need the extra support.”

“We definitely aren’t ready. We just bloody arrived home and jet lag will hit us soon. I’ll call Jeff personally and talk to him. We will do this interview on our time and not his. Harry love. Why don’t you go upstairs and start to unpack? I need to talk to Zayn.”

“Oh, of course. It was good to see you Zayn. I’ll call your office to set up an appointment preferably before the interview and then another one after.”

“Of course. It was good to see you Harry. You look terrific by the way. The pearls suit you.”

Smiling and blushing, Harry leaves the room and closes the door behind him. Once he’s gone, Louis turns to Zayn, the soft smile he had for Harry gone.

“What’s really going on Zayn? There’s something you didn’t want Harry to hear.”

Zayn stands up and goes to the window of the room. He weighs his words carefully before talking to Louis.

“I have to respect doctor/patient confidentiality. To violate my patient’s trust is something I could never do.”

“Alright…”

Confused, Louis waits quietly for Zayn to continue speaking. Clearly something has happened that has Zan worried.

“Hypothetically speaking, me being at this interview is the least of your worries. I can’t tell you much but something bad is in the wind Lou. I’ve heard things.”

“What things?”

Pacing now, Zayn struggles to find the words to tell Louis about the rumors he’s been hearing. Rumors about Liam Payne. Things Taylor herself has told Zayn. Things that were bound to blow up sooner rather than later and Harry would find himself caught in the center of a firestorm beyond his control.

“Keep a tight rein on Harry. His interactions with other people. Limit them when you’re not present. Please.”

“Zayn, what the hell is going on?”

“To put it bluntly, something’s going to happen soon. I don’t know when but I do know Harry will be at the center of it and it’s not his fault. Just remember that. It’s not his fault.”

“Zayn, you’re scaring me. Just tell me.”

“I can’t Lou. I wish I could but I promise you I’ll be there for Harry and you need to be as well. I need to go. I have a consult later this evening.”

“You’ve told me nothing and given me dire warning and I’m supposed to accept this?”

“Yes.”

Zayn begins to leave with Louis walking him to the door confused.

“One last thing Lou. Call Niall. Perhaps he knows or has heard and can enlighten you in ways I can’t.”

Leaving, Zayn quickly goes to his car and hopes Louis listens. His intuition is screaming at him that things will happen sooner rather than later.

Back inside, Louis calls Niall but it goes straight to voicemail.

“Ni? It’s Lou. We’re back. Call me when you get this. I don’t care what time it is. Just call me.”

Next on his list was a call to Jeff who despite Louis’ argument about jet lag and exhaustion, demanded and vaguely threatened Harry that Harry at least MUST be at the interview. Furious, Louis agrees but is able to convince Jeff to change the time since morning would not work. A later afternoon or early interview would work best. This seemed to make Jeff happy but as they finished their call, Louis remained sitting and having the sensation he’d somehow walked right into a trap. Perhaps it was Zayn’s paranoia rubbing off on him but something was starting to not sit right with him. Jeff’s insistence that the interview take place the next day. His giving in regarding the time had been easy. Too easy. It was almost as if he wanted that to begin with instead of the morning interview. He tries to call Niall again but again it goes to voicemail. Tonight, he’d keep his phone on and by him. He needed to talk to Niall since Zayn couldn’t provide any answers. He goes to their bedroom to see Harry humming happily as he finishes unpacking. He watches him for a moment, hoping it’s just paranoia that has his own intuition suddenly going haywire. When Harry notices him, he smiles at Louis as he puts away the last of their clothing. Returning his smile, Louis goes up to Harry to give him a kiss and then holds him. He just wants to hold him.

Later that night when Harry was asleep, his head on Louis' bare chest, Louis checked his phone but still had no return call from Niall. It worried him because Niall was always prompt about returning calls and texts. It wasn’t like him to ignore messages for hours. He puts his phone back on the charge stand and drifts off to a very restless sleep.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next day, Louis and Zayn were on edge as they got ready for the interview. Both of them had a heightened sense of fear though both tried hard to hide from Harry who was battling nerves of his own. He had not spoken to the media or done interviews in months. Not since his relationship with Louis had started. Harry and Louis are getting mic’d when Louis’ phone starts going off with calls from Niall. His phone was on silent and the vibrate mode was off so Louis missed the call after call and text after text from Niall.


	23. Ambush

“Good evening from our London studio. I’m Whitney Myers and with us here today are notoriously private A ranked Dom Louis Tomlinson and his very unlikely choice for a Sub, pop star Harry Styles. Gentlemen, welcome.”

Though Harry stiffened and Louis bristled at her casual insult to Harry, Louis knew she was looking for a reaction. Her first question and sly smile said it all. She had an agenda and with a sinking feeling, Louis realized they’d both been royally fucked. They were stuck doing this live interview and couldn’t just walk away.

“It’s good to see you Whitney. It’s been so long. I think the last time we saw each other was at my concert in Manchester. I think there were photos of you all over the internet at that concert weren’t there?”

Louis stifles a laugh and squeezes Harry’s hand. Harry wasn’t stupid. He knew what she was doing and if she was going to be a bitch, he could give it right back to her. He knew that people were even now looking for the pictures of her sloppy drunk at his concert the previous year. A sub he might be but he wasn’t a doormat. Her smile falls before she composes herself. She hated Harry and always had. The fact that he had somehow landed the most notorious bachelor and Dom in the UK irked her. 

“Yes well. Can you two tell us how you met? It just seemed to have caught everyone by surprise. There was never any connection to either of you prior to your sudden relationship.”

“Harry and I met through his manager.”

“So this is a business relationship?”

“Clearly not or I’d never have given Harry a collar. He was in a meeting regarding a break and then ideas for a next album and I was meeting Jeff for lunch. We crossed paths there and that’s how this all started. We never looked back.”

“I see. And you Harry? How did you manage to land THE most coveted bachelor with your previous reputation of a party boy?” 

“That’s the wonderful thing about having Louis as a dom. He was patient with me, a wonderful instructor and the best dom anyone could ever ask for. He treats me with respect and dignity. How could I not fall for someone like this? I strive to make him proud but he always reminds me that first and foremost I need to be proud of myself. He makes me want to be a better person.”

The last words are said directly to Louis who smiles at Harry, their fingers intertwining as Harry smiles back at Louis. 

The interview keeps going on in this manner for a while. She keeps asking questions about Harry’s previous life and partners but Harry and Louis were stoic throughout the entire ordeal. Harry was not going to lose his shit and embarrass himself or Louis by losing his temper or his cool. If anything, she was making herself look ridiculous as she kept purposely trying to bait him. 

Zayn watched with worried eyes at the constant back and forth. When she finally went to a commercial break, he watched stalk back to her dressing room so he takes the quick opportunity to go check in with Harry. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m just...what is going on? This entire interview feels like an ambush.”

“Excuse me for a sec love. I need to check these messages.”

Louis moves offstage quickly while Zayn talks quickly to Harry. Message after message and so many missed calls from Niall worry Louis. He checks the time and calls Niall back.

“Niall! I don’t have much time. What’s up?”

“Cut that interview Lou. Get Harry out of there!”

“What? Why?”   
“Fuck. It’s bad Lou. She’s bringing out…”

Niall’s words are cut off by the host returning and signaling that they’re cutting from commercials. 

“Niall, we’re back on. I have to go.”

“NO! Louis! You can’t…”

Louis is deeply worried as he hangs up. He knows he didn’t let Niall finish and he knows something bad is about to happen but he knows he’s powerless to stop it. Walking out right now would be terrible for Harry. Not just his reputation but Jeff would have a damn field day and could make life hell for Harry and make him do more bullshit interviews or pap walks or find other ways to humiliate his star client because that’s exactly what he was doing. For some reason, Jeff was intent on humiliating Harry. That made little sense because it had been Jeff’s idea to rehab Harry’s image. Harry was his cash cow so why go to all this trouble to build him up and then knock him down? None of this was making any sense to Louis. He steps back to the stage and gives Harry an encouraging smile. As Zayn starts to leave the stage, Louis grabs him by the arm and whispers urgently to him.

“Stand by. Something is going to happen.”

Zayn gives him a troubled look but goes to stand by where the cameras are, eyes intent on the reporter who is giving smirks towards Harry.

“Welcome back! This is Whitney Myers with BBC and our guests are A rated Dom Louis Tomlinson and his sub, pop superstar Harry Styles. Everyone has been dying to know more about this unlikely pair and now we’re finally getting the exclusive. We’ve covered how you two met, your presence or lack thereof on social media and the collaring which I admit was far more romantic than I think most of us had anticipated. You’ve both been very private about this. Why is that?”

“I think we can all agree that prior to meeting Louis, I was very public with my life, my escapades and whatever random thing I felt like saying would end up on Twitter. It felt as if my fans and the public knew the public Harry but no one ever bothered to get to know the other side of me. Louis was the first person that took the time to look beneath the surface and get to know me. With him, I’ve learned the value of privacy, of keeping certain things private because they’re special and meant to be shared with only your Dom. While I certainly understand the curiosity about what life is like for Louis and I together, it’s best that certain aspects of our lives remain just between us.”

“And what’s this private Harry like? How is he different from the Harry we’ve known for years?”

“Like Harry told you, somethings are best left private between just us as dom and sub but I can say that Harry enjoys sunrise yoga, a very healthy diet and his sense of humor is rather cheeky.”

Unsatisfied that things aren’t going according to her plan, she decides to throw a curve towards Harry.

“During our break, I saw that you have an additional guest with us. Famous in his own right, Switch Zayn Malik was seen speaking to you quite comfortably while your dom was elsewhere.”

While Harry would have loved to verbally lash out at the jealous hateful woman, he felt Louis’ hand on his and took a deep breath before calmly replying.

“That was in fact Zayn Malik. He’s a good friend of ours and accompanied us. Despite your insinuations, we are just friends and for you to insinuate otherwise is insulting and you’re treading dangerously close to sullying their reputations with your words.”

Zayn smiles and slightly nods at Harry’s words while Louis squeezes his hand but the interviewer is furious. Forgetting her composure and reputation, she goes in for the kill.

“Yes well. No offense towards Louis or Zayn, of course. My question was worded wrong. Harry, I do actually happen to have a wonderful surprise for you. So many of your friends that we spoke to said they haven’t heard nor seen you in the months you have been with Louis. So much time has gone by and we’re sure you missed your friends. One of them missed you so much in fact that he insisted on speaking to us prior to this interview and had some interesting things to say. I think you remember your friend Nick Grimshaw?”

“I...yes. I know Nick.”

“Well Nick had some incredible stories to tell us! First, is it true you, him and some others indulged in what we shall call some adventurous group escapades at several hotels in London?”

“If you mean if we had sex, then yes. That’s not news.”

“Of course. And Nick also told us about your circle of friends indulging in recreational drugs.”

“That’s also true. Thankfully with Louis’ help I’ve been clean and sober for months now.”

“Right. Of course. That’s good to hear. Let’s see. Nick also told us about an incident at a release party. You were already with Louis but Nick claims many people saw you in a compromising position with Kendall Jenner. Is that true? You were cheating on your Dom in plain sight of everyone?”

It’s Louis who answers her vicious question.

“That is a complete and utter fabrication and frankly it’s insulting to even be entertaining gossip more suited on a different news outlet than the BBC. Is this what it’s come to? You’re digging up dirt like a low level gossip reporter for the sole purpose of boosting your ratings? Nick is only talking and digging up old news or fabricating stories out of spite since he was fired from his radio job and blames Harry even though Harry had nothing to do with it. Harry grew up and like all adults, he cut out those who were bad influences in his life. It’s unfortunate Nick decided to go around trying to make himself relevant by fabricating outrageous lies. If that’s all, this interview is over.”

As Louis stands up to leave, pulling Harry up with him, the interviewer decides to hell with it and drops her bombshell. 

“What about the allegations that something happened to Harry during his time at the academy and that’s why he’s damaged?”

Harry freezes as the blood drains from his face. It feels as if things are going in slow motions.

Zayn runs to where Harry is frozen and together with Louis, they half drag, half carry Harry out of the studio. The studio manager runs out forcing them to cut to commercial and immediately descends on Whitney. His yells of fury can be heard as Zayn, Louis and Harry rush out to a waiting car. They’re met with other reporters and cameras trying to get a story. Harry’s reaction had been caught on camera lending some form of credibility to her accusations and now the media were circling like sharks in bloody water. Once in the safety of the car, they speed away but it’s Zayn who interrupts.

“Take us to my place please.”

He gives the driver an address and turns his attention back to a still pale and shocked Harry.

“It’s almost a guarantee there will be media in your neighborhood. My place is private and quiet. You two can stay with me until this blows over.”

Louis nods but he’s worried. Harry hasn’t said anything or moved. He seems to have gone into a different place where he can’t be reached. Where he’s safe.

“Harry love? Can you hear me?”

Harry still doesn’t respond. His stare is blank. He’s just staring at something only he can see. Worried, Louis reaches for his phone and sees more missed calls from Niall. It’s only when they’re safely ensconced in the privacy of Zayn’s penthouse with Harry asleep in the guest room that Louis calls Niall back.

“What the fuck Niall? What the fuck happened?”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you! Things are about to hit the fan. Nick has apparently been out for revenge since you got him fired from his job. In his ramblings about how much he hates you and Harry, he’s managed to meet other subs and doms who, while of dubious reputation, all have similar stories to Harry’s or rumors they’ve heard about Harry. Nick may not have facts but he knows enough and sold his story to that bloody woman on BBC. Now her and everyone else will be digging into these allegations. Harry, Taylor, Liam and all the other high profile victims are going to be dragged by the media Louis. All of them also have questionable reputations and holes in their memories about the incidents so it will be their word against that of those at the academy who knew and covered this shit up.”

“Fuck. Let me talk to Zayn. Keep digging Niall. We’ll figure this out.”

When he hangs up, he sees Zayn and quickly explains what Niall had told him. 

“All this thanks to me. I fucked up Zayn. I’m the one that threatened Nick and now look at what’s happened. He’s trying to bring Harry down but that asshole failed to realize he’s also ruining the lives of others and hurting others who don’t deserve it.”

“It’s not your fault Lou. Nick is a narcissist vengeful prick. This was bound to happen sooner or later. He was never a friend to Harry and Harry knows this. Nick is a parasite and now that he’s been cut off, he’s hellbent on causing damage on his own way down. First, I’m going to go to my home office and make some calls. In the meantime, you talk to your PR people. Do not call Jeff. Do not let Harry talk to him. Harry said he insisted on this interview.”

“Yeah, he did.”

“He knew. He had to have known. Or at least was aware that something was going to happen. When I finish making my calls, I’ll stay with Harry. You will go see Jeff and get to the bottom of this. You’ve going into this blind and it’s time you find out what’s been going on.”

“What do you know Zayn? What can you tell me to help?”

“I can’t Lou. You know I can’t. I will help you as much as I can and that’s why I need to make these phone calls. Go see Harry. He may be asleep but I can guarantee he won’t be asleep for long. He’s going to need you now more than ever.”

Zayn leaves to make his calls while Louis goes to check. As Zayn predicted, Harry woke up shortly after. He still doesn’t speak. He just continues to stare listlessly as Louis crawls into bed with him, stroking his hair softly. 

“Harry? Can you hear me love?”

Rather than answer, Harry turned and buried his face in Louis' chest. Louis holds him tight, waiting for the sons and the tears but they never come. When Harry finally let’s go, he sits up and has an angry and determined look on his face. 

“I’m sick and tired of them trying to take away my power and bring me down. I can’t live like this anymore.”

“Alright. What do you want to do love?”

“It’s time I fight back. I want to push back and tell my story. All of it. I’m ready to talk Louis.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. No more tears. First, I need to talk to Taylor. Strength in numbers right?”

Harry quickly hops out of bed and gets his phone off the dresser. Shooting off a text, he stares at it for a bit before he cautiously sends one more text to a different number. He waits and releases a sigh of relief when he receives a reply from Taylor. He starts to pace as Louis watches him, curious but giving Harry the time and space he needs. When his phone goes off again, Harry closes his eyes and gives Louis a reset smile. 

“Taylor agreed to come over tomorrow and talk.”

“That’s great love. I’m glad she’s open to this but who else did you text?”

“Ummm...Liam Payne. Bear. We don’t really know each other but he’s involved. He’s also agreed to come. He may not agree to help but he’s willing to listen. It’s a start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s more angst to come guys. This is just the beginning. I hope you all enjoy the new and stronger Harry we’re going to get and we finally get to see Liam! 
> 
> Thank you all for your wonderful comments! I read them all and love them and I do plan on responding. Thanks again for keeping up with my stories.


	24. Discipline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for taking so long to update and for not replying to the lovely comments you all left behind. My laptop met a tragic demise and after finally getting a new one, I somehow locked myself out of my Gmail account and this one for typing in the wrong password one time too many. 😒 All is finally sorted so I wanted to give this update FINALLY! Thanks for your patience, comments and kudos. I truly appreciate them all.  
> And for anyone who is reading any of my other 3 1D stories currently in progress, they’ll also be updated in the next day or two.

Angry Harry was a force to be reckoned with. Louis had yet to see Harry angry and here he was getting his first glimpse at the force that was Hurricane Harry. Louis was currently situated in his office watching Harry shoot off several messages and answer many phone calls. He’d finally blocked Jeff temporarily out of sheer anger and Louis approved. If Jeff complained, Louis was more than willing to say he ordered his sub to ignore his calls. As he hangs up from his last call, Harry turns and collapses in exhaustion on the couch in the office.

“Besides Taylor and Liam, Zayn has agreed to come over. They’ll be here in the morning.”

Raising an eyebrow, Louis wisely stays silent. This is Harry’s show now and Louis knows to be patient. Harry is fairly brimming with pent up energy based on his restless movements and inability to sit still.

“Taylor knows exactly why she’s coming over as does Zayn but Liam is the wildcard. Even I don’t know his true motives.”

“What did he say?”

“He said he has a few things to say and he’s willing to listen but he can’t make any promises. I guess that’s better than him ignoring this or denying it. That would be a nail in the proverbial coffin.”

“How long are you keeping Jeff blocked?”

“Until I have set things in motion and it’s too late for him to stop me. I’ve let him control me long enough.”

Curious, Louis cocks his head to the side as Harry’s words circle his mind. This isn’t the first time Louis has heard Harry complain about Jeff’s controlling ways but each time he hears it, Harry opens up just a tiny bit more painting a very different picture of Jeff than the one he’s had for years. The Jeff Louis’ has known for years is vastly different than the one that manages Harry. With that in mind, Louis begins to subtly prod Harry about his relationship with Jeff. 

“Love? How long have you been at odds with Jeff?”

“What do you mean?”

“I was always under the impression you and Jeff had an odd relationship. He made many decisions for you despite not being your dom. The more we’ve spent time together and around him, the more I see you two are more often than not at odds with each other. Strained to be honest. It just strikes me as unusual.”

“Oh. I don’t know. He became my official manager when I turned 20.”

“Wait. 20? I thought he was your manager when you first began. I was under the impression he’s been your only manager.”

“Oh no. I was with someone else when my career first started but when I started struggling, Jeff stepped in and said he could help me out my problems and image but I didn’t exactly cooperate. Before that it was a team effort that included Jeff until things started to get bad for me. That’s when things started changing more for me. When he took over and was the sole person responsible for my career.”

“Harry, when did you first meet Nick and that group of friends?”

“Shortly after Jeff became my official and sole manager. Some industry party I think. All these events start to blur. Jeff would always talk about them and point them out because they were always in the headlines. All press is good press is what he’d tell me. It kept the star memorable to the public. Truth is I hate parties and that lifestyle but my team would always tell me it was the best way to establish myself and become recognizable. It just got easier after a while. I hung out with Nick and went to whatever parties or clubs my team told me to go to. Or to wherever Jeff told them to send me. I’m not entirely sure.”

Louis doesn’t say much else but the look on his face tells Harry that something has pissed Louis off. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing love. Just some things on my mind that I need to get straightened out soon. No need for you to worry about it. You just need to focus on tomorrow and what’s going to happen.”

“Ugh. I know. It’s just so stressful Louis!”

“I know it is love but some things are out of our control. You have to learn to be patient and adapt to situations such as this.”

“Don’t you think I know this already Lou?”

Louis glares unamused at Harry, not appreciating the sass and attitude he’s starting to give. 

“You’re under a lot of pressure so I will give you some leeway but don’t forget that you are still my sub Harry. You can cry, rage and vent all you like and I will always be here to listen but lose the disrespectful attitude. I’m only trying to help you. What I’m trying to get through to you is that because you don’t know what Liam is going to say, making yourself sick over it will not do you any good.”

“Whatever.”

It’s said low. So low Harry was sure Louis didn’t hear but at Louis’ sharp intake of breath, Harry knew he had gone too far. 

“Shit. I’m sorry Louis...”

“Save it.”

Harrywisely stays silent this time as he watches Louis stand up, calmly adjusting the sleeves of his shirt. 

“Let’s go Harry.”

“Ummmm...where are we going?”

“I don’t remember giving you permission to ask me questions right now. I think you can figure out you’ve earned yourself a punishment. A real punishment this time Harry. I’ve given you lots of space and far more allowances than I’ve ever given anyone before due to circumstances but you still have much to learn and that’s something that can’t happen if I continue to coddle you. No love. This is a lesson you’re going to learn just like every sub before you.”

Harry’s breath hitches as he silently follows Louis. The house is big but Harry was certain he’d seen every room. Where was Louis taking him? He follows him upstairs and is confused when Louis stops in front of the linen closet on the third floor. 

He watches as Louis takes out an old fashioned key with a quatrefoil design on top. His dread gives way to outright amusement and curiosity now as Louis uses the key to unlock the linen closet. 

Except it wasn’t. 

The door Harry believed to be a linen closet was not what it appeared to be. When Louis opens the door, he gestures for Harry to enter first. When he does, his jaw drops. He had been told time and time again that the majority of dom/sub households had a playroom set up specifically for scenes and punishments but since he had never seen one and Louis had never mentioned it before like, he had assumed he fell in the minority of households who didn’t have or want one. 

Clearly he was wrong. 

Upon entering, he notices one wall with glass inserts holding various crops, whips, dildos and plugs of several sizes. A bondage bench was just to the right with a spanking bench close to it. Each was equipped with restraints should they be needed. A stockade and St. Andrew’s Cross were in the corner again with restraints for the use of the dom and his sub. In the center of the room though was what held his attention. A large silver wrought iron bed complete with inserts for restraints, a sling for swing play and lots of votives with candles already placed but not lit. The bed had sheer panels that fell to the floor in soft cascading waves of gold silk. That alone shocked Harry. His limited experience had him believing everything in this world was black and red yet Louis’ playroom was elegant. Classy even. Despite the use for the room, Harry felt a distinct Roman vibe from it. As if Louis had modeled his playroom using ancient Roman architecture or styling guide to have this room made. It immediately brought his anxiety levels down. He knew he had been disrespectful and rude to Louis and he knew was going to be punished but the room wasn’t scary. It wasn’t the nightmare his mind had always envisioned a playroom to be.

He releases a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding when he feels Louis hands on his shoulders. His blue eyes are warm and kind but also concerned as they take Harry in. 

“Listen to me Harry. You have power. Yes I have to punish you but you still have a say in this. I’m going to spank you for your disrespect towards me. 10 spanks should do the trick this time since it’s your first. Do you think you can handle that? If your color is red, we can discuss other suitable punishments. Now tell me the truth Harry. What is your color?”

Harry stares at Louis for a long moment. He thinks about it, unsure of everything but he trusts Louis. He’s had very few people he can trust and rely on so he knows Louis won’t hurt him. Weighing his words carefully, Harry slowly responds to Louis. 

“I’m...green? But I can color out whenever I want right?”

“Of course you can love. Let’s get started shall we?”

Keeping his eyes on Harry, Louis points to the spanking bench and Harry walks over to it, uncertain of how to proceed. 

“Take off your pants and boxers and drop them to the floor Harry. Then I need you to bend over the bench. For now, we will forego the restraints. Just hold on to the bar in front of you if you need to but under no circumstances are you to try to move or run away. If you want me to stop, remember your colors. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir. But ummm…I have a question.”

“Will you be using one of those floggers or crops on me?”

“No Harry. Those are for pleasure play not for punishments. I will be using my hand.”

Harry gives out a sigh of relief before redirecting his attention to Louis. 

“Alright sir.”

“I also want you to count each slap Harry. It’s important you count.”

“Yes sir.”

“Let’s begin shall we? Drop your pants and your boxers. I won’t ask again.”

Harry is startled to see the sudden change in Louis and quickly moves to obey. He’s embarrassed by this and hesitates but finds his resolve to get it over with. He isn’t entirely comfortable but he trusts Louis and he knows he needs to learn to differentiate between discipline and punishments that are merited versus those done for the sheer purpose of hurting him. 

He bends over the bench, his pants and boxers around his ankles as he waits for the inevitable to happen. He’s still suddenly startled when he feels the harsh slap of Louis' hand across one side of his bum and he yelps in surprise and pain. 

“Did you forget something Harry?”

“I’m sorry sir. One sir!”

“Good boy.”

Another slap has Harry hissing before remembering to count again. 

“Two sir!”

Another slap on the other side has him cringing and yet another slap is given. He doesn’t forget to count after that. By the time he reaches 8, his bum is numb, cherry red and he’s feeling anxious to finish this, his ass sore from the experience. Another slap is felt and he mumbles out his number. 

“9? 9...sir.”

He waits for the next and final blow to come but it doesn’t. He doesn’t move and just waits. It’s the tension of waiting for the final blow to come that is exhausting. When it finally lands, he cries in relief. He’s surprised when Louis gathers him in his arms and picks him up and carries him to the bed. Louis makes quick work of removing all of Harry’s clothes before turning him over on his stomach. Harry hears the distinct pop of a bottle and jolts when he feels a cool sensation across his bum. It takes him a moment to realize Louis is spreading healing balm on him, something that gives a cooling effect on his previously throbbing and sore bum. When he he no longer feels Louis’ hands on him, he opens his eyes to see an equally naked Louis laying next to him. 

“How are you feeling love?”

“I’m alright. Sore. Tired.”

“Here. Drink this.”

Louis helps Harry ease himself up slowly and gently and offers him a water bottle. Harry drinks half of it quickly before shifting then wincing at the pain he’s experiencing. 

“Your bum will be better by tomorrow. Can you tell me, Harry. Why did I punish you?”

“You punished me because I was being rude and disrespectful to you. I was taking my frustrations out on you.”

“And do you think this punishment was effective?”

Harry takes a moment to reflect on it before giving Louis his honest opinion. 

“In a weird way, yes. I hated it but the painful reminder is enough for me to never do it again. I don’t like being punished.”

“That’s good. Very good love. It’s not just a reminder though. If I’m correct, this was your first experience with a discipline from a dom. Was it what you were expecting?”

“It was and no. I always believed punishments were something else. Something twisted and disturbing.”

“That’s good. Now you can begin to tell the difference. What made this one so different from anything you experienced before?”

“You gave me choices. You didn’t restrain me against my will. Even though I was being disciplined, I still felt safe.”

Louis leans in to give Harry a chaste kiss before he lays them both down. They simply enjoy time together before they have to return to the inevitability of the real world and what awaits them the next day. 


	25. Repressed Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest apologies for the long wait for this chapter. Real life, work, illness and the holidays got the best of me. Now that we're in quarantine yet again, I'm home with more time to write so I can resume my regular updating schedule. Thank you very much for sticking with me and for your lovely comments. I truly appreciate your patience with me.

Harry paces in the drawing room as Louis sits calmly and watches him. When he hears the distinct chime of the doorbell, he jumps but Louis’ hand on his hip keeps him from running out of the room. A knock is heard before Mary walks in followed by Zayn and Taylor.

“Hey Harry!”

Taylor goes to him and gives him a kiss on the cheek before greeting Louis then sitting down at his invitation. Zayn greets them both in his usual calm manner before going to sit down as well. 

“How are you feeling Harry?”

“Anxious. Sick. Scared.”   
“All perfectly normal.”

Another knock is heard before Mary walks in and this time, the room goes silent. Walking right behind her is none other than Liam Payne. He doesn’t say anything to them, keeps silent with a blank expression on his face before Mary leaves the room, the door closing with a soft click. Louis stands up to greet him but is surprised when Liam holds up his hand to forestall him.

“Before anything else is said, let me save you the time. I’m here for one reason and one reason only. I have plans already in motion because I’m tired of being their pawn and having others decide my life for me. These bastards took my innocence and self-respect. I can’t get my innocence back but I can regain my dignity and help bring them down so they don’t do to others what they did to me. To us.”

There’s momentary silence before Zayn speaks up for the group.

“What plans do you have Liam? Perhaps we can somehow work together to get the best result.”

“I’m calling a press conference and fuck this. I’m outing all of them.”

“What do you mean you’re outing all of them?”

“I mean I have names. I remember everything those fuckers put me through. What I don’t have is solid evidence. It’s just my word against theirs. I figure if there’s more of us working together to share our stories, people may actually believe us. I know it’s not going to be easy. They made sure to damage us as people and our reputations so that we aren’t so easily believed but even allegations against them will be enough so that hopefully some will believe us.”

His statement is met with silence and then a knock on the door. Surprised, they all turn to see Mary entering with Niall at her back. When she leaves, Niall smiles brightly at all of them.

“Well this is a surprise! It’s like a bloody soap opera with all the main players in the same scene. I’m glad I made it here in time.”

It’s Louis who glares at his friend before sighing in resignation. If Niall is here, it’s obviously important.

“Harry, you’ve met Niall before at the Met Gala. Niall, this is Taylor and Liam.”

Niall brushes off the introductions as he makes himself comfortable. 

“No need for introductions. This isn’t what I’d call a friendly social visit. Actually, having everyone here makes me suspect that the reason I’m here and the reason you’re here is the same.”

Harry looks confused while Taylor eyes Niall with suspicion and Liam just glares at him. Niall isn’t fazed by the looks they’re giving him. He’s rather used to people staring at him as if he’s an odd bloke. Louis finally decides to intervene and explains Niall’s involvement with the entire situation.

“Niall here is a good friend of mine and a PI. I hired him to dig into the situation after starting to learn more and more about what could possibly have happened at the academy to Harry.”

He gestures to Niall to take over since it’s clear Niall has things he wants and has to say.

“Alright, let's get this shit show going then. I’ll be as clear and concise as possible. Months ago, Louis began to rightfully suspect that not everything was right in the picture perfect world that we live in. Specifically, the academy with a sterling reputation that they’d do anything and everything in their power to protect. Enter Harry Styles, sub to one of the rare A rated dom’s and friend a the even rarer species known as the switch, Zayn Malik. Things should be going splendidly as Harry’s reputation is turning around and those around him are starting to notice as is the media who go from painting him as an easy party sub to a respectable sub and celebrity. It starts to come to their attention that there are leaks and cracks in their carefully created façade that some are starting to pay closer attention to. It’s not just Harry. Others are starting to look deeper because their subs, friends and children are starting to talk. You Liam are the key to this mess because what they don’t know is that you are partially immune to the rather fucked up cocktail of psychotropics they gave you all to dull or outright erase your memories of your time there. You remember the good parts or the boring ones of sitting in classes but your private sessions with particular instructors are gone. In fact, other than Liam and the tiny handful of doms they tried to abuse, if I were to list off their names, neither Harry nor Taylor would really have any memories of these individuals. At least nothing more than some random memory of a meeting or tea or another carefully constructed lie. Because that’s all this was. An elaborate lie.”

“Wait. How do you know about my partial immunity to the drugs they gave us?”

Niall gives Liam a dry look.

“I’m a PI. It’s my job to find things out. Getting your medical records was disturbingly easy. You may want to consider finding a new doctor’s office that has a tighter security mate. That and my findings lead me to believe that something in your own natures allowed you to fight back in some way which is why eventually they stopped using doms and stuck to subs for their... whatever it is they were doing. Experiments? Sick sex clubs? Who really knows?”

Niall takes a deep breath and settles back to get comfortable. What he’s about to tell them won’t be pretty but he knows it needs to be done.

“This all started at least 20 years ago. That’s as far back as I’ve been able to trace any activity. During that time, there was an influx of new instructors with the retirement of at least 8 individuals and several others moving on to positions on the board of adjudicators, senior evaluators and placement officials. That left the academy in a quandary. They needed people to fill the positions but because a quarter of the staff needed to be replaced, they made exemptions in the requirements of the people filling the positions.”

There’s an intake of breath at Niall’s last statement. The requirements to hold a position at the academy were notoriously stringent. Even the secretaries and custodian positions had high requirements and standards needed to work there.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that for that one year, the academy decided to forego the usual mental and aptitude tests all applicants have to go through. Background checks were still done but certain predilections were overlooked when they would normally have been disqualified.”

Zayn is beginning to look irritated at Niall dancing around the subject. He suspects he’s not the only one when he sees the expressions on the faces of everyone else. 

“Stop beating around the bush Niall and get to the point.”

“The point is that while having a kink for pain bordering on physical abuse and cruelty is normally a disqualification for anyone working there, that year, there were at least 3 dom instructors hired who were known for their interests in the extreme side of the lifestyle. Extreme in that several former subs of theirs left or were forcibly removed when allegations of abuse came to light. Another big flag is for doms who ignore when a sub colors out and yet I found proof of at least 4 instructors being hired who had charges against them and on their records for this same violation. Subsequently, their personnel files have managed to mysteriously disappear.”

“If their personnel files have disappeared, then there’s no proof.”

“Not quite. Their personnel files from the academy have disappeared but police files do not nor do government records of such things. They may be buried and hidden away behind miles of red tape but with time, patience and good old-fashioned bribery, you’d be surprised at what you can dig up.”

Niall sits back relaxed with a wide smile on his face at his little bombshell. Everyone else looks flabbergasted at what he’s just heavily implied.

“Niall, do you have copies of the records?”

“Well what kind of wanker do you take me for Lou? Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here talking all this up if I didn’t have evidence of this. I’ll even take it further for you. Let me backtrack a little. I met the former nurse of the academy who was around during this time. She gave me so many beautiful clues that while frustrating at first, they ended up being rather helpful. Because of her help, I was able to find out more than I had anticipated.”

Now Niall grows sober, his playful expression falling as he leans forward, his fingers lacing with each other as he looks down at the ground.

“I’m not sure how much you recall of this but during some of your sessions, you were photographed. I’m still not clear on how many times this occurred but one thing is certain, someone was taking pictures of you during a private session. While the taking of the photographs is a violation of one of the core foundational rules of the academy, the problem is that these sessions were during kink exploration sessions so being bound, gagged and having these people violate you wouldn’t necessarily be an infraction. It’s your word against theirs because the classes are mandatory even though the binding and gagging is optional depending on comfort level of the sub. For you Liam, it was different wasn’t it?”

Everyone looks at Liam who has gone pale at Niall’s words. He nods with a jerky head movement before putting his hands over his face. It’s clear that he’s suffering having to hear and relive the ordeal.

“Liam is a dom, not a sub. They mostly went after subs but I have been able to find a handful of doms that they engaged with. What they did to Liam and others like him…”

Liam finally looks up with red-rimmed eyes. If his story is going to be told, it’s better if it comes from him.

“It wasn’t just them violating you. It was me and others like me. The drugs administered made me and other doms very susceptible to influence. They would have us do things to subs that went against what our personal color system was. I was made to do things to subs that I consider to be Red while also ignoring their own preferences and taking their yellow’s and making them red because subs would be too drugged to remember but they’d always have trauma associated with them.”

He looks directly at Harry now, his eyes pleading for something.

“You and I have met before Harry before all the fame got to us. When you were starting out, I was at the end of my time there but I remember you. I was forced to discipline you and I hated it. I hated myself for it. You cried so much. You begged me to stop but I didn’t. I couldn’t. The worst was a week later. We ran into each other and it was like you didn’t remember me. It took me a long time to realize and accept you didn’t actually remember me. Whatever was given to you fucked with your memory so that you never recalled how I had to punish you. Beat you. I’ve never had a sub because of how out of control I got that day and I’ve been afraid of losing control again because of those bastards.”

Harry feels overwhelmed. This was far more than he had expected. More than he had anticipated. It was as if his idea of a snowball had morphed into an avalanche which he couldn’t stop. Try as he might, he couldn’t remember Liam. Looking over at Taylor, he sees that she has tears in her eyes, her eyes distant as if she is struggling with a painful memory.

“Every single time we’d run into each other at any functions, I’d make an excuse to avoid you. Both of you. I was worried that if we spent any time together, you’d start to possibly remember. I never had any interactions with you Taylor but I saw you once. You were in the academy infirmary. You were practically catatonic. Bruised. I saw so many bruises on you. I was ushered out and gaslighted so that I started to doubt what I had seen with my own eyes but with time came clarity. I’ve seen you look at me sometimes and I knew you were starting to remember.”

She nods as she clears her throat.

“I do. I remember much of it. I remember faces, voices and scents.”   
Now Niall takes over when she makes fists as she struggles with the overwhelming feelings going through her.

“The pictures of them were taken for a reason and I’ve been trying to find out why. A sick souvenir? Memento of that time? I kept digging and I figured it out. Harry, Taylor and Liam as well as the others aren’t ready just yet but within the next five years they will be.”

“Ready for what?”

“Look. Working at the academy is prestigious and it pays extremely well but I’ve started looking into some of the finances and holdings of everyone associated with the academy during the past 20 years. The majority of them are solid and live within their means. Then there are the ones hired during that horrible time frame and select others who are perfect on paper but with more digging, I’m seeing that some own land, estates and have accounts in Switzerland, the Cayman Islands and Argentina. Places with no extradition and don’t cooperate with international investigations of money laundering or tax fraud. These are all places where people hide their money until they need it. Essentially these bastards prime their victims and when the time is right, they use the photos for blackmail. There are other older established subs with wealthy doms and who are married into high ranking families who are being blackmailed. The pictures look like extreme play, play that causes doms and subs to lose their ratings and wouldn’t mesh well with their reputations so of course they’ll pay. The three of you are young, beautiful and wealthy. Set you up with a reputable partner of equal or more wealth and you’re perfect for blackmail to keep what you have. They don’t go after you often. Twice a year for a certain amount. It’s nothing you won’t be able to afford but enough so that you never forget. I have names of victims but have yet to contact them. At least not until we discuss next steps for you. I assume that’s why you’re all here. To discuss next steps after that bombshell that shrew threw out that’s now dominating social media and the gossip rags.”

At Louis’ nod, Zayn gets up and paces as he processes what Niall has told them. It was painful, brutally so but with this coming to light, perhaps now Harry and the other victims can begin to have justice, resolution and eventually closure or at least peace of mind. But none of this can happen until one more thing comes to light. He turns to look at Taylor who pales and shakes her head. He knows she’s afraid but she holds one key fact that Louis needs to know. Liam may be aware of it but for certain Louis and Harry are not. He goes to her and kneels by her, holding her hands in his.

“You can do this. You need to tell them.”

“I can’t. You do it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I just...I can’t.”

He squeezes her hands before standing up and faces everyone else.

“I’ve been working with Taylor during our sessions and we did some stress release exercises as well as hypnotherapy at her request. What came out of these sessions has me worried. The further we delved with our sessions, the more I have come to believe that the memories Taylor repressed were because her senior evaluator took advantage of her by allowing others to participate during sessions with her when she was just 18. One name kept coming up and I can’t in good judgement ignore it. I’m sorry Lou.”

“I beg your pardon? Why are you apologizing to me?”

“Because one of the people at the center of this and was around and in charge of the hiring practices of the academy and who has ties to many of the faces is someone we both know, someone we are close to and you even introduced Harry to him though Harry didn't remember him though I'm not sure if it's because he never had interactions with him or if he repressed his memories like Taylor did. That person is none other than our own mentor Dr. Bertrand.”


	26. Think of Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! God I am so sorry for taking so damn long. I wrote, deleted, wrote, deleted and then rewrote the chapter three times before I finally got it to where I wanted it. Writers block and my own nitpicking delayed me. The chapter is short because I want to make sure it helps set up where I'm going with this. Once you read the chapter, I hope that makes sense. I'm starting to wind it down a bit, slowly but surely but things need to be set in place.  
> I'll stop rambling and let you all read. Thanks for sticking with me!

Liam had left with the promise to return the next day. Taylor who had originally planned to return home, watch movies and ignore all social media and the news as she too processed everything that had been said until she was convinced by Zayn to stay at Louis’ that evening. She too needed care and it was best if she wasn’t alone. 

After Zayn’s little bombshell, Harry had an anxiety attack. They could still see him reeling as he shook his head over and over, refusing to believe what he was hearing.

“That’s not right. That can’t be. I met him. We met at the Met. Louis introduced me to him. I shook his hand and he complimented me! You’re mistaken. He was a nice man. A nice man. A nice…”

Harry had trailed off after that before collapsing on the ground, his breathing erratic as he tried desperately to scream in terror and also breathe. It had been a scary scene for everyone involved until Harry had finally passed out. Louis had carried him upstairs while Zayn made quick arrangements for everyone to return the following day then left Taylor with Mary to show her the guest room she would be using. Once all that was finished, Zayn and Niall had met with Louis in his sitting room, Louis too worried to leave Harry alone for any extended period of time. There they drank tea and talked in low voices so as not to disturb Harry who was sleeping in the adjacent room, the door left open slightly so that Louis could check on him periodically. It was Niall who finally had broken the silence between them all once Louis had returned after his initial check on Harry.

“Mate, you need to sit down for a bit. We need to talk. I know you’re into the whole a sub is an equal partner deal but right now, I need you to forget that for a moment and be selfish.”

Louis looked at him confused. 

“What’s wrong? What else could you possibly say that isn’t already fucked up about the situation?”

Niall looked at Zayn who had an intense light in his eyes. Zayn was tense, his hands clenched into fists as he too was struggling to process and accept the gravity of the situation and the hailstorm they were finding themselves in led by a man he had trusted implicitly and always admired and respected. 

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Liam, Taylor or Harry but there’s something else I need to tell you guys.”

“Oh for fucks sake Niall. Now what?”

“Don’t get mad at me Lou. This isn’t my fault. Now do you want to hear what I have to say or are you going to continue to snap at me?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry Niall. It’s just so much being thrown at us in such a short time. I can’t process anything yet before something else is thrown at me. At all of us.”

“Alright.I don’t know full details yet as I am still digging but something has been bothering me about this. Beyond everything we’ve uncovered. Specifically, why Harry seemed to be singled out amongst so many. Why their hold over Harry seems to be stronger than the one on every other sub and dom that was abused. Then I found a common thread as I started to do a deeper background check on Harry.”

Now it’s Zayn who frowns slightly, trying hard to piece together what it is Niall is trying to tell them. Sighing, Niall runs a hand through his hair before letting Louis and Zayn know what he had uncovered.

“Harry’s manager Jeff was on the verge of being expelled by the academy during his time there. I had to dig deep into his records and do some highly illegal hacking but I found out that Jeff was given several disciplinary warnings and infractions for his abuse of subs. Not only that but the group of friends he ran with? They include Taylor’s former manager Scooter Braun and Liam Payne’s publicist. Strange coincidence isn’t it? The three affected victims all happen to have people they answer to who just happened to be academy buddies and all have sealed records due to their behaviors and predilections for pain and even illegal bloodplay during their time at the academy.”

There’s shocked silence as Louis and Zayn process what this could possibly mean. It’s Zayn who finally speaks.

“So you think the three of them were among the abusers at the academy?”

“Sort of. There’s something else you should know. Jeff? He is the son of Irving Azoff. Irving is a big donor to the academy and on the board of regents. On the whole, he’s an upstanding powerful and high ranking member of the academy and society. He also happened to join the academy’s board that specific year when they were desperate for hires. While the rest is speculation, my belief is that Irving himself was hired out of desperation and during his time there, he was one of the first members of that ring of abusers and later he covered for his boy, his friends and those in their inner circle. It’s my belief that Jeff had his eye on Harry for a while. Though Jeff was long gone from the academy when Harry was there, he often visited when they’d host galas for fundraising and other special events. It’s my belief he somehow crossed paths with a very young Harry and set his eyes on him. I suspect he wanted to be Harry’s dom but was rejected for unknown reasons. Harry may not even be aware since subs often get requests to meet doms for consideration and they can say no. This may be the case between them. Jeff does not handle rejection well but because of Harry’s gift for music, he went out of his way to have Harry signed with his label and then became his manager. With such a position of power over him, he was able to easily manipulate and maneuver Harry to do his bidding. The same goes for the other two. Put someone on their team that knows them, can have easy access to them and continue to milk information and dirt that can later be used against them. Except Liam has withdrawn socially and not given the tabloids any fodder and Taylor’s only mishaps in the past year is drinking to help her forget. Harry is the one that was the wild child but even that didn’t always work out because he made his antics public. Anything printed about him would be useless later even with an A rated dom by his side.”

“So then why would Jeff make us go through this entire charade?”

The question is directed at Niall but it’s Zayn who answers.

“To destroy Harry. Or rather, to watch him destroy himself. He can’t use him sexually as he may want to and trying to humiliate him publicly would only go so far. He also can’t blackmail him since Harry is so open. The only thing left for Jeff to do is to slowly but surely watch Harry destroy himself. It gives a narcissist like him a sick satisfaction to watch him fall. Who else could have given Nick such detailed and insightful information? Why was he so insistent on being appraised of every detail of the charade between you two? From the outside, he was a caring manager who was doing everything in his power to rehabilitate the reputation of one of his prized stars but if you start to look at everything that has happened? It’s easy to see how he could have coordinated everything. From arranging for you Lou to be his dom to the incident at the first event you two attended by ensuring Harry’s old crowd of friends attended. He engineered the meeting at the Met by ensuring Bertrand attended. He was the one that pushed for the collaring. He demanded you attend this interview and all for what? To destroy Harry, the sub who can in turn destroy him if word gets out. Despite his reputation, Harry’s word still carries a lot of weight and while half the population would scoff at his allegations, the other half would wonder and believe it. If Jeff goes down, so do a lot of other people so it’s in Jeff’s best interest to be the one to get to Harry first. You Louis would just be a side casualty of this. With your reputation, you get to walk away unscathed. The A-rated Dom who was blinded by love and fooled by a sick and twisted Sub. That’s the angle I can see them trying to play. By silencing their victims, they ensure their ring of power and sickness continues over subs.”

Louis rubs his head as a headache looms and the sick feeling in his stomach gets worse.

“What about...what about Bertrand?”

“Look, I know how you feel about him. I know that he mentored you both. I know you both hold a deep admiration and respect for the guy but you need to set all that aside now. He was the senior analyst and lead adjudicator there during that time. He was a mentor to many who would find it difficult to believe he could be capable of anything like this but the records don’t lie. He too had deeply buried accounts, estates and connections. He’s the spider guys. He started this shit. For what reasons? I don’t know. I wish I could tell you why but what I do know is that he set up this elaborate web of complicity, power, sex and vulnerable subs who looked up to him and others like him.”

Rising, Niall stretches before going to his travel bag he had with him. Pulling out a file, he sets it on the table between Zayn and Louis who both look deeply hurt and betrayed. 

“I’ll leave this with you two overnight. When I return tomorrow, I need these files back. This is beyond us now guys. I may be a PI but I know the law and everything I’ve managed to uncover will be given to the proper authorities once we know how to proceed with the subs. Don’t forget. Bertrand isn’t your priority. The subs are. Harry is. No matter how much you care for Bertrand, subs like Harry and Taylor and doms like Liam are depending on people like us to care for them and protect them. The system failed them once. Let’s not be the reason it fails them again.”

His words were a harsh reminder to Niall and Zayn. They may care for Bertrand but he was the reason there were so many broken subs and a few doms out there. Betrayed and used for no other reason than because someone in power wanted to humiliate them, take away their voices and subjugate them.

The door closes softly behind Niall as Louis and Zayn pick up the file and after one quick glance to ensure Harry is still asleep, they open it.

The only sounds after that are the harsh intake of breath Zayn takes and the choked sob Louis tries valiantly to hold back as they see the first image in the file. The first damning image that gives credence to the stories and the horror of what the subs endured.

The image on top is of a bound sub, naked and clearly in pain. The sub is surrounded by two men and a woman. The sub is wearing a very painful looking cock cage meant to inflict physical pain. There’s a leash around his neck, one that appears to have a noose-like appearance used exclusively for breathplay digging deep into his skin as it appears the woman is purposely choking him. Though the faces of the doms are cut from the picture, it’s easy to see that the sub in the picture is a very young Harry.


	27. It Wasn't A Dream

Harry moves restlessly as Louis slides into bed with him. Louis simply wraps an arm around his waist and spoons Harry as he settles back down into sleep. For Louis, he knows sleep won’t come easy. Not after what they’d seen. Zayn had left for home and taken the file with him with the promise to return the next day. He still feels an overwhelming feeling of sickness in his stomach at the pictures they’d looked at. Pictures of other subs being forced to endure things like watersports, scat and other forms of extreme play Louis was damn sure were reds for the subs. His mind kept going back to the picture of Harry. That picture was troubling because of the implications involved. It gave physical proof to a small part of what Harry had endured at the hands of all the manipulators that surrounded him. Even more troubling was Harry himself. The minimum age required to attend the academy was 18 but Harry looked younger in the pictures. If anything, Louis would have pegged him as 16, maybe even 17. Harry had a youthful appearance but this was ridiculous. That was something else Niall had promised to look into. Classifications were given at 16 but formal classes began at 18. Students did attend some classes prior to that but those were theory classes. Absolutely no hands on practical training was to be done on a sub under the age of 18. Doing that was an automatic loss of standing and a mandatory life sentence in prison. Committing a crime like that on an underage sub would give you harsher penalties than most murders which is why a crime such as that was almost non-existent. Louis knew he had to trust Niall to find the evidence but he couldn’t shake the disturbing image from his mind so he had decided to do a little digging on his phone. 

When Zayn had left, Louis had immediately gotten on the phone with Harry’s mom. After some general mindless pleasantries, he had gotten to the point with her. While he couldn’t tell her details just yet, he promised to give her full disclosure once they knew exactly what they were dealing with. He’d also asked her for pictures of Harry from when he was 16 and 17 years old. Private family pictures not seen by the general public. Though she was confused by this request, she trusted him to take care of her son and keep his word to her about the ongoing scandal in the media.

His second call had been to his attorney and he had begged him (and offered bribes) to find any clause that would get Harry out of his contract with Jeff and his label. Consequences be damned but Louis knew he needed to get Harry away from all of them as soon as possible. He’d also asked him to look into the contracts for Taylor and Liam but to keep everything as quiet as possible. The last thing he wanted was for any of this to leak before they were ready. 

The plan was simple for now. They would all lay low and avoid appearing in public for the time being until they were ready to come together and make a statement. This also gave Niall time to gather more proof they’d need before they went to the authorities and the media. Louis knew they were running on borrowed time. After the interview from hell, Niall had warned him that the people involved would likely start hurrying to bury any ties and evidence to the accusations. They’d want to distance themselves and their involvement with anything associated to the academy and the subs as well as each other. He’d warned them to let him do the shady work and digging and implored Louis and Zayn to take care of Harry and Taylor as it was their mental health that was fragile.

It was those final thoughts that drifted across his mind before he too settled into a restless sleep. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Are you sure you want to do this love?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. I’ll be here the entire time unless you’d rather I leave you and Zayn alone for this?”

There’s a moment of silence before Harry squeezes Louis’ hand with his.

“I’d rather have you here with me.”

Louis squeezes his hand back and plants a kiss on Harry’s forehead before moving to sit in a chair across the room. The seat itself was beside Harry as per Zayn’s instructions. Zayn returns to the room holding a tray with cups of tea which he hands over to Harry & Louis with instructions to drink it.

“Just take your time drinking it. There’s no hurry for this. We’re going to simply begin by talking. Just easy conversation alright?”

Zayn’s voice is calm, soothing and unhurried as he too sips his tea and gestures for Louis to do the same.

“Did I ever tell you Harry that I have three sisters?”

“Really? No, you didn’t.”

“Yes. One older and two younger. The very banes of my existence sometimes but I couldn’t live without them. You have a sister right? Imagine two more of her.”

“Oh god no. Gemma is more than enough.”

“My eldest sister is a dom and my two younger are subs. Lovely, really. The three of them. We’re all very close despite me not seeing them as often as I’d like. Two are married to their respective sub and dom while the youngest is set to begin the academy soon. She’s an exception like me though her situation is different. She will be attending an academy in America. You have no idea how much paperwork is involved in someone choosing to study and live in another country for the sub and/or dom studies. It took quite a lot of convincing to get my parents to agree but when my eldest sister and her sub relocated to New York for work, they finally agreed to let her attend the New York academy with the caveat that she live with them during her time there.”

Zayn continues to talk to Harry, keeping his voice low, calmly sipping his tea as Harry does the same, laughing at some of Zayn’s stories about growing up with sisters, the trouble they’d get into together and how his youngest sister was so excited to begin her training in a new country. As he speaks, he keeps his voice low, a pleasant timbre as Harry lounges casually on the loveseat in the study. His tea is gone, his posture is relaxed and his eyes begin to grow heavy as he sits back and just enjoys listening to Zayn talk about his childhood. A small smile is on his face as he pictures little boy Zayn trying to boss his sisters around then turning around and listening as his eldest sister bosses him around. The mental picture he paints is one of happiness and delight. He’s so relaxed he’s unaware that Louis had taken his cup of tea and placed it on the sideboard as it was beginning to slide off of Harry’s leg where he’d placed it. As Zayn continues to speak softly, Harry stops listening to the words and focuses solely on the lovely melody his voice is producing. Was Zayn singing? Harry didn’t know he could sing. He sighs as he feels himself drift softly, his entire body relaxed by the soft melody he can hear in the distance. 

Louis watches in awe as he watches Harry begin to lose himself. He never really had any experience or opinion on hypnotherapy but he trusted Zayn implicitly and if this is what it would take to get those suppressed memories out of Harry, then he was all in. He watched as Harry’s eyelids begin to droop, his expression changing from entertained and amused to relaxed and then practically asleep.

Except he wasn’t asleep.

When Zayn started lightly singing and humming, Harry had truly fallen into a different state of consciousness. Zayn had warned him that it would be similar to subspace for Harry and he’d need Louis to provide aftercare when he regained his senses. He’d also warned Louis that hypnotherapy in no way would erase the memories Harry had but rather if they did return to Harry, he’d need intensive therapy to help him deal with the memories associated with his trauma. It left Louis uneasy but this had been Harry’s decision. Regardless of outcome, he needed to know. Living with repressed memories that were seemingly triggered by random objects, events, smells and even people were horrible to live with and left him reeling because he felt out of control. Harry was tired of not having control and only through dealing with it would he be able to finally move forward. The last thing Zayn had cautioned them both about was the strain it could put on their relationship.

He’d warned them quite a few times that Louis was part of the system that repressed and abused Harry. Though he had nothing to do with it, a part of Harry could decide to step back from Louis because of his association with Bertrand, the academy and his business dealings with Jeff and the label. Though Harry had been quick to disagree and insisted their relationship was strong enough to withstand anything, Louis had his own private concerns about this and the repercussions it would entail. For now, he kept those to himself and focused on Harry. This was about him alone and not his own insecurities.

Lovely Harry that looked like he was asleep if not for the soft smile on his face. His own wandering thoughts are interrupted by Zayn’s soothing voice speaking directly to Harry. He’d been warned by Zayn that he was recording the session and taking notes as well but under no circumstances was he allowed to interrupt in any fashion or Zayn would remove him.

“Harry, tell me a little bit about your childhood.”

Harry takes a deep breath and exhales on a sigh. He shrugs but answers the question anyway.

“Not much to tell really. It was always mum, myself and Gemma. We got along well though it was never easy being the only sub in a house of doms.”

“Did you resent them for that?”

“Oh no. Quite the opposite actually. We figured out I was a sub pretty early on when mum and Gemma realized I was always eager to please and would get upset when I’d do something wrong. Mum always said that even as a child I would admit to my own wrongdoings and ask for a punishment so that I would feel better.”

“What kinds of punishments did you receive as a child?”

“Oh, the usual. Timeouts. Loss of television or video game privileges. My cell phone would be taken away. Same as my laptop.”

“But you never received physical punishment?”

“Not from my mum, no.”

That statement immediately caught Zayn’s attention. He scribbles something on his notepad and looks back towards Harry who has his eyes closed, posture relaxed on the loveseat.

“You didn’t receive physical punishment as a child from your mother but you did receive it from someone else?”

“Sometimes, I guess. It doesn’t count though as punishment if it’s from another sub does it?”

Frowning, Zayn leans forward in his seat. His movements and the look on his face make Louis tense up. Something isn’t right here. He can feel it and knows he’s missing something that clearly Zayn caught.

“What sub punished you Harry?”

Harry shrugs but makes no move to answer. Zayn remains silent as both him and Louis watch as Harry begins fiddling with the rings on his fingers. It’s a nervous habit he has that manifests itself when he’s uncomfortable.

“Ummm...my mum’s second husband. He was a sub but I think he hated his designation. Their marriage didn’t last very long and I once overheard them arguing about it. He was her sub but he resented being one and resented her. He often took his frustrations out on me. I was the only other sub in the house. He thought my mum was too soft when she punished me. He said subs only learned when they had proper beatings. My mum found out about it and that was the beginning of the end of their marriage.”

“How did your mum find out?”

“Oh. Gemma came home early one day and found him spanking me. She flipped out, grabbed me and we ran to a neighbor’s house and waited for our mum there.”

“I see. Harry, let’s move on a bit. Tell me about your initial designation when you were 16.”

“Well, I got tested like everyone else does so it wasn’t a real surprise when it said Submissive on the formal letter. I started my theory and history classes on the subject but that’s about it.”

“This was also around the time you were first discovered isn’t it?”

“Yes. That was weird too.”

“How so?”

“Did you know I unofficially started academy training after I turned 16?”

Both Zayn and Louis freeze at the rather casual admission yet big bombshell Harry had just dropped.

“What do you mean Harry?”

“It wasn’t a big deal. After I was discovered, I went to my theory and history of the society classes like everyone else is required to.”

“Yes, that’s standard and normal for everyone…”

“I met Jeff there when I was 16. I knew who he was. Everyone did. I don’t know why he was there at the time but he talked to me and encouraged me to sing. I told him I wanted to be a singer one day. He put me in touch with people and offered me a lot of great advice. We’d usually meet on days when I had classes there since I wasn’t allowed to be at the academy on unassigned days. We’d meet in private rooms and he’d help coach me.”

“How did he coach you Harry?”

“Oh. In singing. How to talk to talent scouts. How to talk to record label executives. I looked up to him and he helped me. He was the main reason I got signed at such a young age. He even came to meet my mum and he charmed her and Gemma. Because I was gone so often with recording my first studio album, learning the ropes of the industry and writing, my mum gave Jeff legal guardianship of me right before I turned 17.”

There’s silence in the room now. Zayn and Louis look at each other at the realization that Harry had been groomed from such a young age and didn’t realize it.To know that Jeff had been his legal guardian was horrifying. Louis frantically sought to remember what he knew about Harry from his records then stopped and swore to himself. He had what Jeff himself had given him. Of course Jeff would have taken care to omit such a fucking important detail. Though Zayn had forbidden the use of phones in the session, he takes his out anyway and ignores the glare Zayn sends him as he shoots a quick text to Niall imploring him to find out and verify this. It was a high possibility that Jeff had erased this record as well but Anne and Gemma would remember as Harry clearly had. There was nothing illegal or wrong technically with this but knowing that Jeff had been the primary abuser put it into a completely different light.

“Alright Harry. What happened once he became your legal guardian?”

“I kept recording, singing, taking pictures that would be used in promotions. Interviews. Things like that. It was overwhelming that I would sometimes black out from it.”

“Black out?”

“Yes. Jeff insisted I had to attend industry parties and things like that to get my name out especially since I was so new to the scene. He always stayed with me or had his bodyguards with me so that I wouldn’t be harassed or coerced by anyone. I don’t really remember a lot about the parties. Jeff never allowed me to drink or eat unless he himself served it for me. He said it was because as my legal guardian, he wanted to ensure I was safe and that there were too many lecherous older perverted doms who would try to take advantage of me.”

“Harry. This is very important. Do you remember waking up after the parties?”

Again Harry starts to nervously play with the rings on his fingers but rather than answer, Zayn immediately sees the tears making tracks down Harry’s face.

“It’s alright Harry. We can stop now. You don’t have to answer.”

“I don’t remember them all but…”

“It’s ok Harry. We can continue this session later.”

“No...it’s just. Jeff says I dreamt it because he would never do anything to hurt me but I’ve had dreams. They were like flashbacks. I wake up sick, feeling anxious and when I move, I hurt. My ummm...my bum hurt. It was real bad. When I look over, Jeff is in bed with me, naked and asleep. In my dream, I had sex for the first time with him and woke up bruised and in pain. But Jeff would never do that to me. I don’t know why I keep remembering that dream. He would never have done that to me right?”

As his sobs grow, Zayn gestures for Louis to hold Harry. He quickly moves to his sub and wraps his arms around him as Zayn takes Harry’s hands and rubs them softly, humming the same little tune he’d hummed before. As Harry’s sobs quiet down, Louis gets a more secure hold on Harry to help him through his breakdown. Slowly but surely, Harry’s eyes begin to drift open. He yawns sleepily and cuddles in to Louis before he reopens his eyes and looks at Zayn who wears his professional neutral expression.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”   
“Do you remember what you said?”

Harry nods his head before remembering to use his words.

“Ummm...yes. I remember.”

“Good. Now I need you to do something for me. Whenever you feel like it, I want you to write in your journal your thoughts about this experience. Whatever you like. Again, you don’t have to show Louis anything if you’re not comfortable with it but it is important you write things down. Can you do that for me?”

“Sure. Of course.”

“Good. Now let’s get some lunch. I’ve asked everyone to hold off on meeting again until tomorrow. Niall is doing some mighty impressive digging and it’s best if he has all the information he needs before we proceed.”

“Ok. Can I...May I go upstairs for a bit. I just feel like I need a hot shower. This was draining.”

“Of course love. Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, it’s ok Lou. I’m sure you and Zayn have a lot to talk about anyway with what I remember saying. I’ll be quick.”

Harry accepts the kiss on the cheek Louis gives him before he goes upstairs to take the shower he so desperately wants. It’s only under the heady stream of hot water that he allows himself another good cry over what he’d said and remembered. When finished, he dresses comfortably and goes to retrieve his journal. He picks up the pen and only writes one short declarative sentence on a fresh clean page.

_ It wasn’t a dream... _


	28. Ashes, Ashes, They All Fall Down

The atmosphere was grim. Row after row of chairs were filled with reporters from various reputable television networks, online papers and online websites. Though the press conference was set to begin in less than 30 minutes, everyone was on edge. This would be the first time Harry Styles would speak regarding the bombshell allegations and rumors now going around about him, other subs, the academy and whispers of cover ups. 

In a room not too far away, Harry, Louis, Zayn, Taylor, Niall and Liam wait quietly. Two other people are in the room with them, silently observing the proceedings and keeping careful records of what’s happening, what’s being said and not allowing anyone in the room. Harry is fidgety, his hands constantly touching his pearls as a way to ground himself and keep his head in the game. Louis would often squeeze his hand or offer comforting touches to keep him relaxed. Zayn was between Taylor and Liam, offering silent support to the two as they were both bordering on extremely nervous and outright terrified.

Niall was the only one seemingly unaffected. He was on his phone, scrolling through and muttering things to himself before he’d rapidly type something in. A laptop was on the seat next to him, the necessary information and files all uploaded, attached and ready to be sent at a moment’s notice.

As the clock winds down, a sharp knock is heard, a signal that things were about to begin. Rising as one, they walk to the door in a single file line. One of the other two people in the room opens the door and motions for them to follow. The second unidentified person makes up the rear of the group. As they walk down the hall, the rise in voices becomes more distinct. They all stop before another door. At Louis’ nod, the man opens the door and they all file into the room where the press conference was set to begin. As they all walk in, the reporters immediately jump in throwing questions at them from all areas of the room. Flashes of light are everywhere as they take pictures and try to get the best shots of the group filing in. When they’re all in and seated, it’s Zayn who takes the lead. He adjusts the microphone in front of him and leans in before speaking.

“Good afternoon and thank you all for coming. I’m sure you all have a thousand questions but before we begin, allow me to begin by giving you all a briefing on the purpose of this press conference, the background of what has been discovered, evidence and the next steps. But before all that can happen, allow me to introduce to you our two special guests, Inspector Robert Grenville of Scotland Yard and Inspector Tamra Manning with INTERPOL.”

There’s an audible intake of breath from the assembled reporters at the revelation. To bring in law enforcement not just from the country but ones that deal with International crimes is a big deal. For them to have accompanied the group for this press conference reveals a lot. First and foremost that the agencies are aware of what will be discussed, the crimes committed and clearly that there is sufficient evidence to pursue the allegations.

Zayn gives them a moment to gather themselves before he continues. 

“Let me introduce you Mr. Niall Horan, a private investigator that set the ball rolling with this. He can begin the initial part of the press conference.”

Niall moves closer to his microphone, opens his laptop and with a few keystrokes, the emails and attachments are sent to the various news organizations (and some gossip sites).

“Hello to everyone. Let me begin by stating that everything you will hear today is rooted in fact. Nothing here is speculation or pointless gossip. Every point that will be made has sufficient evidence behind it. Though this is now a criminal and legal matter, we will discuss what we can on the advice of our attorneys.”

At Niall’s nod, one Interpol agent begins to speak.

“At this very moment, in cooperation with INTERPOL and Scotland Yard, we have agents working with law enforcement agencies in several countries arresting dozens of individuals with ties to the crimes of human trafficking, sex trafficking, child pornography, sexual assault, sexual battery, abuse, tax evasion to name a few.”

Niall takes the stage with a grim smile on his face.

“Among those being arrested at this moment are these people. Most you will recognize.”

There’s an audible gasp as the reporters are now able to open their files and see the list of prominent, wealthy and famous doms and subs.

As shouts are heard, questions thrown around the room and more pictures are taken, Harry quietly stands and garners the attention of everyone in the room. He sits back down and speaks directly into the microphone, his deep voice quiet but clearly audible.

“Good afternoon. My name is Harry Styles and I am here to ensure justice is served for all the subs like myself that were abused emotionally, physically and mentally. I am here to seek justice against the system that failed me and others like me and allowed predators to take away our innocence. I demand justice against these monsters as well as those who know and turned a blind eye to what was happening to us for the sake of preserving the reputation of the National Academy of Doms and Subs.”

He takes a deep breath before looking at Zayn who takes the reins and begins to outline what had happened. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

_ One week earlier… _

“Niall, what did you do?”

“Listen to me, both of you. It had to be done. I had to make a call and I made it. I contacted a friend of mine from INTERPOL and told her everything I’d discovered. She was rightfully worried that with the rumors going around, files would suddenly cease to exist and that many of these bastards would go underground and go to non-extradition countries and live comfortable lives and never get the sentences they deserve. She couldn’t approve a freeze on their passports without just cause. By telling her what we’ve discovered and giving her the evidence we’ve managed to gather including Zayn’s reports about his sessions with Harry, Taylor and Liam, she was able to not only freeze their passports but also freeze their assets. These bastards can’t leave the country they’re in and are being followed should they try to make a run for it. Most of them aren’t even aware that this is happening and that’s to our advantage. The few who are aware are the ones she managed to get to and they’re fully willing to cooperate in exchange for lighter sentences. She promised me that none of them will get full immunity at all for the crimes committed but there had to be some compromise.”

“Fuck. This is all snowballing faster than we had anticipated. I don’t know if Harry is ready for what’s about to be unleashed if he’s called in to testify and we both know that there’s a high chance he will have to. I can’t have that happen to him Niall.”

“I don’t know Lou but you’d best be better off talking to your lawyer. Have him recommend a criminal attorney and shield Harry as best you can. Also, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to file restraining orders against Jeff, Nick, that shitty reporter and anyone even remotely associated with the case so that Harry isn’t harassed or hounded. Disable all his social media for the time being. Limit his comments and don’t let him log on for anything. Things are going to get worse before they get better. Talk to Zayn and make sure he’s aware. I’ll call Taylor, Liam and the others to tell them the same. They’re all going to need to shield themselves with lawyers and hide away until this is over and done with. It’s not going to be pretty Lou. You take care of Harry. I’ll be the intermediary between you guys and INTERPOL. Whatever you do, do not engage with any of them. Also for you, they’re going to try and go after your reputation. Have your lawyer also file restraining orders on your behalf. I’ll ask my friend to push for a judge to instill a gag order so that no one is allowed to talk to the media.”

“Wait. If that happens, none of the victims will have their voices heard.”

“Correct. What’s the problem.”

“Is there any way to push this so that they’re all given the opportunity to speak? Before a gag order is put into effect?”

“Shit. I don’t know Lou. The longer we wait, the more time it also gives them to leak stories, pictures, rumors.”

“Not if they don’t know what’s happening. Not if they’re unaware of how much is actually going on. You said most aren’t aware that they’re being investigated? We know Jeff was the asshole along with Nick who tipped off that sleazy reporter from the BBC. Jeff thinks he’s simply humiliating Harry. He doesn’t yet know that investigators are onto him. Let him keep thinking that. Let him and the others believe that they’re controlling the narrative. Let me talk to Zayn first. If he thinks this is a good plan of action, we move forward.”

“Alright. If you say so. Talk to Zayn and get back to me.”

“Thanks Niall. I’ll talk to you later.”

Hanging up. Louis wastes no time in contacting his attorney to get the ball rolling on restraining orders against Jeff, the label and everyone associated. He makes it clear that they’re to go into effect the minute he gives them the ok. The last thing he wants is to tip off Jeff or any of his accomplices about what’s going on. Having done that, he goes to look for Harry who has been spending a lot of time writing. It’s his outlet and escape from the bullshit and drama surrounding him. As he nears the room, he hears the distinct sound of piano keys. It’s somewhat jarring, as if Harry is playing with melodies, stopping and starting until he finds one he likes. Louis stands outside the door for a bit before knocking lightly and opening it. Harry looks up, his pale face unsmiling as he rises and puts his head down and his hands behind his back. A traditional submissive pose. One Louis isn’t all too accustomed to seeing Harry do and one he hasn’t forced on Harry due to his sensitivity about subjugating himself. Slightly worried, he goes up to Harry and places his fingertips on Harry’s chin to force him to look up.

“Are you alright love? What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. And everything. So many things are happening at once. I did a bad thing. I looked at my phone and got sucked into the dark hole of what’s being said about me. The rumors are just as horrible as the truth that it’s becoming too much Lou. I don’t…I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Even writing isn’t going well. Everything I write just comes out dark, depressing and frankly terrible. I hate it all. I’m so tired. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I just want this to go away.”

Nodding, Louis understands exactly what Harry’s talking about. 

“Harry, you gave me full autonomy regarding this. You asked me to handle things and I am. I appreciate the trust you have given me and you know I would never do anything that would harm you. That being said, you can’t hide your head in the sand forever love. You have to be aware of what’s going on so that you’re not left in the dark. No, don’t shake your head at me. You’ve been running away from this for too long. You took big steps in starting to recover and regain your power but now you’re starting to hide again. I can’t in good conscience allow you to do that. First thing, I need your phone. We are going to disable all your social media or at the very least, limit your comments and messages. No one is going to be able to use that as an outlet to reach you.”

Nodding, Harry reaches out to give his phone to Louis.

“Good boy. Second, we’re going to sit and I’m going to tell you what’s happening and all the steps being taken. As much as I want to shield you from all this until it’s over, there’s a very distinct possibility that you will have to at the very least make a statement or give an interview to someone we choose.”

Harry’s eyes widened. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind he had known this would happen but to hear it coming from Louis was terrifying. 

“Are you sure? Isn’t the evidence enough?”

“Harry. Calm down. Nothing is certain just yet but it’s a very real possibility that you need to be prepared for. I’ve contacted my attorney to get you and myself some basic protections such as restraining orders. Also, I think it would be best if we left for a while. We’re not going into hiding necessarily. We just need to leave the city and go somewhere the paparazzi can’t easily access us.”

“Oh. Ummm...sure. Where is that?”

“My grandparents had a small cottage in New Forest. They called it Riverside Lodge. It’s extremely secluded, private and no one besides Zayn, Niall and Mary know about it. We can stay there until we have to return to the city. It’s a little less than 2 hours to get there. We can leave as soon as Niall gets the ball rolling with the authorities to ensure we are away when the news drops. He’s also making sure Taylor, Liam and the other victims are aware and know to leave town or seclude themselves until this is over.”

“I see. And when will I have to make a statement or an interview?”

“Soon.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

_ Present Day _

As Zayn begins to outline the basis of what’s been happening, helped by Niall and the investigators, news crews are being rapidly dispatched by their various organizations to several addresses, private homes and businesses just in time to see several of the accused being arrested. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are questions and there will be some confusion in regards to this chapter but in subsequent chapters, I will be flipping back and forth a little bit to fill in the gaps of what else was learned during Harry's sessions, what other evidence was gathered and yes, the POV of events from both Liam and Taylor.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story and I look forward to writing it out. Thank you very much Flwrs_Skn for the prompt! I hope I do it justice!


End file.
